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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crazy teresa on January 17, 2006, at 23:39:51
Let's all bid and help this poor woman out! ROFLOL!!!
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2006, at 23:58:57
In reply to LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!!, posted by crazy teresa on January 17, 2006, at 23:39:51
That's great!
It's funny, but she must be a strong woman too, to be able to stick with it.
Good for her.
Posted by crazy teresa on January 18, 2006, at 8:47:46
In reply to Re: LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!! » crazy teresa, posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2006, at 23:58:57
I agree. It'd be a pain to continue to add to the list as she has.
Isn't it telling that there is mostly her husband's stuff listed? Hmmm.
Posted by caraher on January 18, 2006, at 10:01:59
In reply to Re: LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!! » Gabbix2, posted by crazy teresa on January 18, 2006, at 8:47:46
> Isn't it telling that there is mostly her husband's stuff listed? Hmmm.
Well, I'm seriously tempted to move my wife's stuff the same way after seeing this! She just can't be bothered to put anything away after she uses it...
Posted by Phillipa on January 18, 2006, at 10:05:05
In reply to Re: LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!!, posted by caraher on January 18, 2006, at 10:01:59
What a alob! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Tabitha on January 18, 2006, at 11:17:21
In reply to Re: LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!! » Gabbix2, posted by crazy teresa on January 18, 2006, at 8:47:46
>
> Isn't it telling that there is mostly her husband's stuff listed? Hmmm.I thought the Army stuff was from a teenage son. I guess sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between a husband and a teenage son. Sure was for me anyway.
Posted by wildcard on January 18, 2006, at 11:51:44
In reply to LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!!, posted by crazy teresa on January 17, 2006, at 23:39:51
I never thought of ebay~i just put it outside in a pile and burned it...
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2006, at 13:15:48
In reply to Re: LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!! » crazy teresa, posted by wildcard on January 18, 2006, at 11:51:44
That's so funny!
"well in my day.. we didn't have e-bay so Í'd just have a big 'ol bonfire in the back.."
Posted by wildcard on January 18, 2006, at 13:28:28
In reply to Re: LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!! » wildcard, posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2006, at 13:15:48
Posted by Declan on January 18, 2006, at 15:47:59
In reply to LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!!, posted by crazy teresa on January 17, 2006, at 23:39:51
It's not the tidiest house in the world, but it's pretty clean. I wonder how much you could get for half eaten banana sandwiches left under the bed and old plates of spaghetti bolognese.
Declan
Posted by sabrina0805 on January 18, 2006, at 16:10:10
In reply to LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!!, posted by crazy teresa on January 17, 2006, at 23:39:51
check out the link in the original post. I think you will appreciate and enjoy.
Thank you crazy teresa, for posting this.
Sabrina
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2006, at 16:14:33
In reply to Re: LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!!, posted by Declan on January 18, 2006, at 15:47:59
...Maybe if you said they were Elvis's
Posted by Phillipa on January 18, 2006, at 17:36:23
In reply to Re: LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!!, posted by Declan on January 18, 2006, at 15:47:59
Declan you must be kidding!!!!!!Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on January 18, 2006, at 18:18:42
In reply to LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!!, posted by crazy teresa on January 17, 2006, at 23:39:51
Sorry, I just can't get behind this plan. It rather upsets me. Poor kids. Perhaps she should put the money that she makes into the kid's future therapy fund...
She claims that all of her kids are old enough to pick up after themselves. Well, maybe they are, maybe they aren't. In my experience, parents often expect an unrealistic level of compliance and perfection from their kids. And this is assuming that the kids are "normal." Kids w/ ADHD have HUGE problems focusing enough to clean their own bedroom w/o a parent supervising them.
A reasonable alternative would be to put the kid's stuff in a box in the basement for 1 week. It gets the point across w/o such a severe level of punishment.
I'm also not comfortable with how she puts her husband's stuff on ebay w/ her kids. It sends a message that instead of being a parenting partner, Dad is a problem to be controlled. It makes him look foolish and powerless.
I do feel for her and her frustration, but I think that there are better ways to address this. Does anyone agree?
Best,
EE
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 18:32:15
In reply to Sorry, I have to disagree, posted by Emily Elizabeth on January 18, 2006, at 18:18:42
I agree.
I think it would be healthier for her to recognize what is her stuff and what isn't. Literally in this case, as well as figuratively.
Posted by crazy teresa on January 18, 2006, at 22:21:42
In reply to Sorry, I have to disagree, posted by Emily Elizabeth on January 18, 2006, at 18:18:42
Maybe dad is a problem for mom; certainly sounds like it. Maybe the problem is that she's sick of having to be his mom, too. Maybe this exercise will help him to see he should act more like a responsible adult, should he not enjoy being treated as a child.
I don't think we do our kids any favors by failing to instill a sense of personal responsiblity and that it applies to adults as well as children.
At least she is serious and not just handing out idle threats which proves absolutely nothing, other than there are no consequences when mom screams, nags, whatever she's doing at the time.
In my experiences, tough love (which is how I see this listing) kicks in as a last result, after you've tried every thing else you can think of, but it hasn't worked.
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2006, at 22:27:46
In reply to Sorry, I have to disagree, posted by Emily Elizabeth on January 18, 2006, at 18:18:42
They're interesting points, and at first I wondered too.
But.. I've seen to many relationships (In these cases it was the man, but I know that there are women too) where there was no respect, and it was her *job* to pick up the underwear and the socks and whatever else was too much trouble to put away, and then listen to the complaints, and swearing when things couldn't be found.For some reason many times I've seen kids follow dad's example, I guess cause if mom's picking up after everything and always tired, then dad's the fun guy. I've seen it end up like the family has sided against mom.
Maybe they shouldn't be married, maybe that's the problem. However that's not the issue here, when someone acts so disrepectfully, and they aren't listening, sometimes it's a way to have yourself seen as a person again.
And putting things in a box for a week doesn't really work, or it didn't for us.
It's not permanent enough, and quickly forgotten.
My mom threw out things we left on the floor,
and you know I'm not saying "well if I could deal with it so can they" but hey.. I was 10 I knew how to pick up after myself, and it only took a week..
It must be really hard having the person identity superceded by the *mom* identity.
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2006, at 22:44:49
In reply to Re: Sorry, I have to disagree » Emily Elizabeth, posted by crazy teresa on January 18, 2006, at 22:21:42
> Maybe dad is a problem for mom; certainly sounds like it. Maybe the problem is that she's sick of having to be his mom, too. Maybe this exercise will help him to see he should act more like a responsible adult, should he not enjoy being treated as a child.
>That's what I thought too, actually I was more sure of my feelings about her doing it to her husband than I was about her children.
With the children it would depend on the situation.
There are families where things are militant and the expectations excessive.
It really didn't sound that way to me in her situation though.>> At least she is serious and not just handing out idle threats which proves absolutely nothing, other than there are no consequences when mom screams, nags,
Yeah, I agree with that completely.
I think it's a lot healthier than being constantly frustrated, ignored, and progressively more bitter.> I don't think we do our kids any favors by failing to instill a sense of personal responsiblity and that it applies to adults as well as children.
>
whatever she's doing at the time.
>
> In my experiences, tough love (which is how I see this listing) kicks in as a last result, after you've tried every thing else you can think of, but it hasn't worked.
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:55:45
In reply to Re: Sorry, I have to disagree » Emily Elizabeth, posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2006, at 22:27:46
Maybe my poorly behaved puppies are a blessing in disguise. They perform wonderfully as a natural consequence. I always just tell my son to look around on the dog beds for what remains of his lost toys, then remind him that whatever is on the floor is considered by them to be left there for their amusement.
So he has a Jedi contingent that looks like they're the remnants of the Battle of Geonosis. Missing limbs and heads. But they're now carefully stored in a box with a top that clicks shut.
But... I also don't consider it my "job" to pick up after anybody. And nobody considers it their "job" to pick up after me.
Maybe that makes a big difference. I have a fairly high tolerance for mess. (Not dirt, but mess). And maybe because our son's an "only" there's a strong recognition in the house that everyone has a duty to clean up after his/her self and to chip in with the household chores. And the only "punishment" is a tedious discussion on how we're all a family and we all have duties and responsibilities and we count on each other.
And of course, my son was a Montessori child. Cleaning up was part of learning.
I don't know. But I consider that if a mom has to put toys for sale on eBay, that something's already gone wrong that didn't have to go wrong. There's already a lack of mutual respect in that house that's just added to by a mom appropriating items that are not hers and selling them.
Or maybe my son's a saintly blessing. :)
Actually, this also reminds me of a conversation my husband and I had with a family therapist about parenting and authoritativeness.
Therapist: When your son is grown, who will be the reason he does the right thing?
(hint. The answer she was going for was "my son")
Husband: The police.
Therapist: Ok. And who else?
Husband: His boss.
Therapist: That's true. And if his boss isn't around?
etc.
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 23:17:32
In reply to Re: Sorry, I have to disagree, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:55:45
BTW.
Said nine year old son informed me after school today that he wishes to have a homework schedule. Then he laid out a quite reasonable time allocation for himself. I proposed an additional responsibility, which he included with minimal whining. And he implemented it himself this evening.
I do believe that whether or not there are police or bosses or moms with an ebay account, that's one Montessori kid who'll do the right thing because *he* thinks it's the right thing. And without a lick of resentment.
Posted by crazy teresa on January 18, 2006, at 23:52:57
In reply to Re: Sorry, I have to disagree, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 23:17:32
You should have a couple more kids and get back to me on this subject... LOL!
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on January 19, 2006, at 1:15:49
In reply to Re: Sorry, I have to disagree » Dinah, posted by crazy teresa on January 18, 2006, at 23:52:57
CT,
I do agree w/ you on a number of points. Idle threats are very problematic. Tough love has its place. Of course the real thing that we don't know here is what the kids are like IRL. Some kids would be crushed and telling their therapist about it ten years later. Some kids would keep doing what they were doing and see if they could break mom before she broke them. Other kids would be PO'ed and do something to get back at mom. And of course some kids would learn their lesson. Discipline strategies have to match w/ the kid. I'm just saying that I had the gut reaction that this was not calm, rational discipline, but rather some sort of revenge.
I do think it is likely that mom has a stressful life and deserves more respect and help. I can imagine why she would be driven to this strategy. I really feel sorry for her. I wish that someone could give her a trip to a spa or something!
But, I am worried that this will further harm her relationship w/ her husband. If my (currently imaginary) husband did something like this to me, I would be livid. "I'm an adult and you are not going to tell me what I can do with my stuff!" Wouldn't you feel that way? Also, if dad is the one playing the role of the "fun" parent, I think that this strategy would push him further into this role. "Look what mom is doing to US." It's us against her.
Thanks for pointing this ebay posting out. It is very interesting food for thought!
Best,
EE
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 1:54:49
In reply to Re: Sorry, I have to disagree » Dinah, posted by crazy teresa on January 18, 2006, at 23:52:57
On the bright side, her husband seems to be reacting with good humor to her behavior. It's all in the attitude, I guess.
Posted by Declan on January 19, 2006, at 14:32:05
In reply to Re: LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!! » Declan, posted by Phillipa on January 18, 2006, at 17:36:23
No, no, PJ, not at all. These food items are not ancient, some maybe only a couple of days old, we all live here, 2 teenagers, we don't always speak etc etc.
love
Declan
Posted by lynn971 on January 19, 2006, at 19:55:42
In reply to LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!!, posted by crazy teresa on January 17, 2006, at 23:39:51
I just read everything. Wow. I should not have let my husband see it. He is the neat freak. I dont want him to start selling my stuff. lol
No, I am not that bad.
This is the end of the thread.
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