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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on October 9, 2005, at 18:29:07
What is a socially phobic girl to do??? I have a party with the people from work on the 22nd. And my brother told me about this cool party he always goes to on Halloween that's in a loft with a dj and big disco ball. There is nothing I like better than dancing. Its just nobody I know ever wants to do it. What is it about straight white guys not dancing??? I know there are exceptions, and I love those guys, but on the whole, they just don't dance! Does anyone remember that commercial where the guy and girl are dancing and the guy down stairs comes and bangs on their door? Then they buy a house and stomp on the floor as loud as they want? I think its a Voltswagon commercial. Anyway, whenever I see that I'm like, I want a guy who will dance with me by ourselves in the living room with that much enthusiasm!!! Is it really possible I'll ever find that guy?
Posted by Angela2 on October 9, 2005, at 19:26:55
In reply to Okay, I have a couple of social events coming up.., posted by TexasChic on October 9, 2005, at 18:29:07
Halloween party sounds fun. So does the other one. I guess I would have to judge whether or not I felt comfortable enough and liked these people enough to go. How bad is your social phobia? What are your symptoms? if you don't mind me asking.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 9, 2005, at 19:36:02
In reply to Okay, I have a couple of social events coming up.., posted by TexasChic on October 9, 2005, at 18:29:07
> I want a guy who will dance with me by ourselves in the living room with that much enthusiasm!!! Is it really possible I'll ever find that guy?
Yes, it definitely is - I found a really great one! We dance in the kitchen now that we have remote speakers installed there. It makes for a very happy cook :-)
Posted by crazy teresa on October 9, 2005, at 20:49:35
In reply to Okay, I have a couple of social events coming up.., posted by TexasChic on October 9, 2005, at 18:29:07
I might be able to hook you up with one of my son-in-law's friends. At his and my daughter's wedding reception, all of his guy friends danced all night long. And they didn't care if there were girls out on the floor or not!
It was absolutely hysterical. Never have I seen guys dance like that and have soooo much fun!
Posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 21:32:04
In reply to Okay, I have a couple of social events coming up.., posted by TexasChic on October 9, 2005, at 18:29:07
Maybe it's the movies, maybe it's an unrealistic romantic foolish notion. But I want someone to dance with. It's magical to be that close to a man, feel him, sway with him to the same beat. Most men I know tell me that they don't dance because they don't know how. They are afraid of embarassing themselves. My husband had no idea how to dance. He bobs. Even during slow songs. That is that once in a blue moon occassion where I can convince him to dance with me. It's iritating. I can't tell you how many times I have been to a wedding reception, street dance, etc with him and have begged and pleaded with him to dance with me to no avail. He actually humiliated me once by refusing to dance with me but finding another guy to dance with me. He was old. Way old. It was a slow song. It was actually a very favorite song of mine. I wanted to rub bellies with my husband, not a virtual stranger. I won't forget that moment.
There was an occassion a few months ago where I was with someone else (a long story - read some of my previous threads on relationship board) anyhoo....there was this magical romantic moment where I was wisked to my feet and danced with in a bar, with noone else dancing but everyone watching and I was in heaven.
But I digress. Or should I say digest.
Hubby danced with me once in the living room, I danced for him once......but it just isn't the same. Nothing can replace that feeling of "I want you near me, swaying to the music, and I don't care who see, or who hates pda's". Yeah, they're out there. Just few and far between.
Posted by wildcard on October 10, 2005, at 6:06:29
In reply to Okay, I have a couple of social events coming up.., posted by TexasChic on October 9, 2005, at 18:29:07
>Hey girl! I am a social phobic and i think it's great you're even going! If u don't like it, leave?! You are plenty young enough to find your *penguin* so don't give up hope~I'm in my 20's and feel like it is hopeless...lol so you're not alone. Have fun and you never know?!
Posted by TexasChic on October 10, 2005, at 16:29:29
In reply to Re: Okay, I have a couple of social events coming up.., posted by Angela2 on October 9, 2005, at 19:26:55
Its not as bad as it used to be. I usually start freaking out on the day of the event. But once I get there I'm usually okay. I just wish I could do things without going over a million scenerios in my head first of how it may turn out. Sometimes my mind just won't shut up.
Today at work I got to see this guy my new friends want me to meet that's going to be at the party. Not too shabby! I have to say though, if I ever got asked on a date, that's when my anxiety would really go through the roof. (See, I'm already worrying about something that hasn't happened yet). I've never really been out on an actual date before. I spent so many years in the debts of depression, that I just never allowed myself to be in that type of situation. I feel like I missed out on my 20's. Its like now I'm doing all the stuff I would have done then. I think that's why I keep being drawn to younger guys (like 'cute boy').
Speaking of 'cute boy', I've been noticing that he's started parking near me at work and waits until I get out of the car and then walks with me to the door. At least, that's how it seems. I could be totally wrong. I get such mixed messages from him. Of course he's who I would really like to hook up with at the party, but its good to have a backup just incase he brings a date! I'm trying to prepare myself for that possibility. Damn, that would suck.
Posted by Angela2 on October 10, 2005, at 19:55:54
In reply to Re: Okay, I have a couple of social events coming, posted by TexasChic on October 10, 2005, at 16:29:29
If you have fun once you get there, it doesn't sound as bad as say...other people's. But I understand the agony of analyzing whats next to come. Maybe before you go you can visualize a calm stream or waterfall...I don't know if it would work for you, just tryin to help. About this guy waiting for you and following you, Is there any way you can look at it realistically? Are you just hoping he does this becuase you want him so badly? Or do you believe he's actually waiting for you? Can you tell?
Posted by TexasChic on October 12, 2005, at 15:51:12
In reply to Re: Okay, I have a couple of social events coming, posted by Angela2 on October 10, 2005, at 19:55:54
I guess that's kind of the problem, I DON'T know. Sometimes he'll do or say something and I'll think, okay, this has to mean something. How could it not mean something. Then the next day he'll say something that makes me think, well that's it, he's definitely not interested. Then the next day he goes out of his way to talk to me and be around me and I'm left totally baffled. Then I realize, well yesterday when I was sure he wasn't interested because of something he said, I didn't really talk to him the rest of the day, which could be why he's hanging around me so much today. So then I realized I could be sending mixed signals too! Life is so confusing.
I think this is all a combination of my obssesive personality, and a lack of experience in this department. I know I sound like I'm in High School or something. I guess this is one area where I'm just not on the same maturity level as other people my age.
I analyze things way too much.
Posted by TexasChic on October 13, 2005, at 17:23:47
In reply to Re: Okay, I have a couple of social events coming » Angela2, posted by TexasChic on October 12, 2005, at 15:51:12
I just had a crappy day at work today. I know I was taking things too personally, but I just couldn't get over being upset. I know it was partly the paranoia that I get time to time, but that doesn't help in the moment.
I went to ask my friend if they were going out for lunch today and she immediately said, "Can we take your car?" I have a extremely bad time with clutter, and my car is pretty trashed out. I've even had people comment just walking by it. Its just mindless disorganization, and I know its a part of my mental disorder somehow. I told her I'd rather not because it was messy and she said, "Well my car is full". I was like, "Oh okay, do you know who else is going?" And she said "No". So I walked off feeling a little rejected, but also realized what she said wasn't necessarily offensive, but could just be the plain truth.
Then when every one left I was alone with cute boy (who didn't go for some reason) and a female co-worker. She asked, "So why didn't you go?" And I said, "Well, she said her car was full". Her mouth dropped open and cute boy kinda laughed in a way I didn't really get at all. So I was like, "What?! I could have taken my car if I had wanted to, but I just didn't feel like it." I asked cute boy why he was laughing and he didn't respond. The girl said, "But who else could she have had in her car other than the three of them?" So then my paranioa set in. First about whether they for some reason didn't want me to join them, and then about why cute boy was laughing about it. He walked off and I asked her what he was laughing about (she sits next to him and knows him really well). "She said, he's just weird. That's just the way he is". This same girl told me the same thing when I was mad that he left without saying goodbye before the 3 month layoff. She seems to be trying to convince me its not personal, and that he just comes off that way sometimes. I know this is at least partially true. He does seem to have difficulty communicating in some ways, but still! (Sidenote: I'm getting very close to being able to let go of thet whole 'cute boy' situation. I'm obviously spending way too much energy on something that should happen natually. I'm trying very hard just to forget it and move on. If its meant to happen, it'll happen. Otherwise, I shouldn't have to do all the work).
Anyway, she kind of apologized about bringing up the whole, "Well why would they do that?" thing. Cute boy didn't come back until near the end of lunch, which really pissed me off. I was like, we spend so much time together, and if nothing else he seems to consider me a pretty good friend, so why wouldn't he ask if I wanted to go with him to eat after what had just transpired? Then I started thinking, I bet he went to join them, and nobody wanted me there and blah, blah, blah. I know its paranioa when this happens, but its still upsetting and I always have my doubts.
So when lunch was over I put on my headphones and didn't talk to anyone the rest of the day. When it came time to leave, I walked out without a word before everyone else. Of course the paranoia is saying, well why didn't they wonder why you were being so quiet? Why didn't they call and ask why you left so abruptly?
In addition to that, a group of us were supposed to bowl today after work, which is a regular thing (that includes cute boy). So I also totally blew that off as well.
Arg!!!! Its just so hard to tell the real thing from the paranoia. I can usually work it out later, but in the middle of it I just can't think reasonably. At least when I get like this I clam up, which means I can feign innocence later when I'm thinking reasonably again. But the ignoring thing can and has backfired on me big time. And I know I'm being totally immature. I just don't know what else to do in those situations.
Anyway, this is just a rant. It helps just to get it out sometimes. I've never been able to write in a journal - I feel weird writing to myself. So instead I vent here. I am completely aware this is one of those obssesive compulsive moments where my mind is a little out of my control. I think I just need a hug.
-T
Posted by Angela2 on October 13, 2005, at 17:53:21
In reply to Rant - long, posted by TexasChic on October 13, 2005, at 17:23:47
(((((((Texaschic)))))))))
Posted by TexasChic on October 13, 2005, at 18:15:09
In reply to Re: Rant - long- a HUG FOR TEXASCHIC, posted by Angela2 on October 13, 2005, at 17:53:21
Thank you Angela2. I can actually feel the hug. You made me smile.
-T
Posted by ClearSkies on October 13, 2005, at 19:53:04
In reply to Rant - long, posted by TexasChic on October 13, 2005, at 17:23:47
One from me too.
Posted by TexasChic on October 14, 2005, at 20:51:44
In reply to ((((TC)))), posted by ClearSkies on October 13, 2005, at 19:53:04
For some reason talking about the whole situation about cute boy, both here and by email to my friend who used to live here and knows him, I feel like I'm slowly but surely letting go. Of course, I'm not anywhere completely over it, but I can feel the change coming. Its like, I finally realized I was the one making all the effort, and I'm getting tired of it. So if he is interested, he'll just have to step up to the plate. Otherwise, I think I've done all I can at this point. I wish I wouldn't get so obsessed with guys like this. I know its somehow related to OCD, but I don't know how to stop doing it. Since its usually unrealistic visions of happiness in my head, maybe dating guys in real life would help. Ha, ha. Yeah, if I could manage that I wouldn't be here on a Friday night with a huge empty weekend looming ahead of me. But I guess I'll keep trying.
Maybe the guy my friends want to set me up with that I'm going to meet at the party next weekend will be good practice. I saw him across the room when he came to visit work the other day, and I SWEAR he kept looking at me. I thought he was cute, but no sparks to speak of. I realize that could change once I actually speak to him. But if it doesn't, maybe it would be a good way to get out into the scary world of dating (if he likes me that is). I don't mean leading him on or anything, but just taking the opportunity to get to know him better. There will be other single guys at the party as well. Can you tell I'm trying to psyche myself up? This is such uncharted territory for me.
I have to intentionally keep making my self believe that its actually possible for someone of the opposite sex to be interested in me. I know it may not sound that way in the things I write, but I'm trying not to let the negativity to seep in. But its still there, under the surface.
-T
Posted by chrispy_85 on October 17, 2005, at 18:04:57
In reply to Thanks yall, feeling calmer now., posted by TexasChic on October 14, 2005, at 20:51:44
> For some reason talking about the whole situation about cute boy, both here and by email to my friend who used to live here and knows him, I feel like I'm slowly but surely letting go. Of course, I'm not anywhere completely over it, but I can feel the change coming. Its like, I finally realized I was the one making all the effort, and I'm getting tired of it. So if he is interested, he'll just have to step up to the plate. Otherwise, I think I've done all I can at this point. I wish I wouldn't get so obsessed with guys like this. I know its somehow related to OCD, but I don't know how to stop doing it. Since its usually unrealistic visions of happiness in my head, maybe dating guys in real life would help. Ha, ha. Yeah, if I could manage that I wouldn't be here on a Friday night with a huge empty weekend looming ahead of me. But I guess I'll keep trying.
>
> Maybe the guy my friends want to set me up with that I'm going to meet at the party next weekend will be good practice. I saw him across the room when he came to visit work the other day, and I SWEAR he kept looking at me. I thought he was cute, but no sparks to speak of. I realize that could change once I actually speak to him. But if it doesn't, maybe it would be a good way to get out into the scary world of dating (if he likes me that is). I don't mean leading him on or anything, but just taking the opportunity to get to know him better. There will be other single guys at the party as well. Can you tell I'm trying to psyche myself up? This is such uncharted territory for me.
>
> I have to intentionally keep making my self believe that its actually possible for someone of the opposite sex to be interested in me. I know it may not sound that way in the things I write, but I'm trying not to let the negativity to seep in. But its still there, under the surface.
>
>
> -THey,
I don't know if this helps, but I think I know how you feel about the whole dating scene. Maybe it'll cheer you up to know that I've got a horribly pathetic dating history! I've always had a complete lack of self confidence, especially when it comes to asking someone out or even talking to them. It's actually quite sad...aside from one girl, every one of my relationships started nearly the exact same way. I'd go to a party or a little gathering or whatever, get completely wasted(that seems to be the only time my confidence kicks in...What a shock huh?), and then end up making out with someone that I've bearly met and then ending up less than a week later in a relationship that is doomed because aside from being drunk that night, we have nothing what-so-ever in common. I don't know how valuable my advice would be but from all of the mistakes I've made, and all of the lessons I've learned the hard way, I'd say the absolutely best thing possible to do is just be yourself. If they don't like you for who you are, then they don't deserve to get to know what a wonderful person I'm sure you are. One thing that I've always strongly believed in is fate. I just believe that when the right person comes along...I'll just know that that's the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. This may very well sound crazy to everybody but me, but I can at least back up my belief in fate with some pretty concrete evidence that I think is way too strong to be written off as a coinsidence...So It was nearly 3 years ago now when this happened. I used to work with this guy...since the fist day I met him, I instantly respected and admired him. He was one of the most kind, friendly, and hillarious people I had ever met. His name was Alex. It just so happened that I went to high school with his younger brother Clayton and we are quite good friends as well. Ok, so Alex used to give me a different card out of a deck almost every time I saw him and I never asked him why. I'd always just say, Thanks man, and put it in my pocket. So then one day, he got fired for standing up to our evil boss which, basically, no one had ever done before. So then a few months passed by and we sort of lost touch until one day in grade 12, my english class was cancelled which almost never happened. And Clayton was in that class with me. So he just asked me if I fealt like going to visit Alex, which I did of course because it had been a while. so we went to see him and chatted for an hour and a bit, and he gave me the joker out of the card deck before Clayton and I had to go back to school. Then the next day I got a call from Clayton telling me the Alex had hung himself just a short while after we visited him. I'll never forget that in my life. I got the joker he gave me tattooed on my arm and I've carried it around ever since the day he gave it to me. That's why I believe in fate so much. I hadn't seen him in months, and then just out of the blue, I go to see him the day he killed himself. I'm not trying to be all inspiring or looking for pity or anything like that, I just thought that I wanted you to know that I truely believe that there is hope for you and you never know what fate has in store. Good luck at the party.
-chris
Posted by wildcard on October 17, 2005, at 21:40:47
In reply to Re: Thanks yall, feeling calmer now., posted by chrispy_85 on October 17, 2005, at 18:04:57
> and I am very very sorry that happened. I know how much it hurts everyone forever. I see your point that everything led up to you being able to visit him that day but I do not think suicide is ever "fate", the fact that you were able to see him was...
Posted by chrispy_85 on October 19, 2005, at 12:46:27
In reply to (((Chris))) I believe in fate also » chrispy_85, posted by wildcard on October 17, 2005, at 21:40:47
> > and I am very very sorry that happened. I know how much it hurts everyone forever. I see your point that everything led up to you being able to visit him that day but I do not think suicide is ever "fate", the fact that you were able to see him was...
you're right about that. i still think about him almost every day. the only real comfort that i find in it is that it wasn't really him that killed himself. he had scitzophrenia(i don't know how to spell) and a few days before he died, he had stopped taking his medication because he thought he was doing really well and didn't need it. he told me once that when he was not taking any meds he used to hear a lot of voices in his head. i don't know what exactly killed him, but i know it wasn't himself. i really miss him. sorry to ramble so much, i just get like this sometimes.
This is the end of the thread.
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