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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mal on July 14, 2005, at 21:09:37
Hello, everyone. I posted here some in 2002, and here I am again. I see a few familiar names and LOTS of new ones. Now that there are so many more boards, I am not sure if this is the place to post... Ya'll redirect me if you know where this should go...
As a recap, I have some mild depressions that recur. I don't have a lot of reasons in my life to be depressed, so I am almost sure it is a chemical thing. I have never been to a psychologist; never taken any meds. My depressions (when they are bad) affect my energy, and feel like a weight on my chest. It is like I have a constant lump in my throat. I have always been able to get out of bed and go, but without any enjoyment at all.
I have been MUCH better over the last 3 years, much because I have a beautiful almost 2 year old daughter! I didn't have ANY post partum depression (thank God!), but now I am coming down a little again. I stay home with my daughter, and I am doing OK, but I'm feeling a little restless. I really want another baby, but DH resists (similar to his reaction to my wanting our first). Maybe this is what is getting to me, or maybe it is just a mid-life crisis (I'm 34). DH is CRAZY about our toddler, and is still very affectionate with me, but I still feel kind of lonely.
Anyhow, it is nice to see Babble is still happening...
Mal
Posted by sleepygirl on July 14, 2005, at 22:18:01
In reply to here again, posted by Mal on July 14, 2005, at 21:09:37
hello mal. Welcome back. I lurk around here sometimes. You're scaring the crap out of me with the mid-life crisis thing!! shouldn't that happen later? I'm only 30 now and I'm only getting started. Congrats on the beautiful little girl.
-sleepy
Posted by crazy teresa on July 15, 2005, at 2:50:43
In reply to here again, posted by Mal on July 14, 2005, at 21:09:37
Hi Mal!
I'm crazy teresa; haven't been here long. I stayed home for 8 yrs. and went back to work part-time for sanity! ;~} I was soooo lonely and my husband is gone a lot. Do you have other friends with kids you could meet with weekly? It's nice to have those girfriend talks while the kids play. Plus it's nice to get out of the house and have something to look forward to.
Don't wait too long to talk to the md about your depression. It broke my heart the first time I heard my daughter repeat part of my depression mantra.
Do you ever have any time for yourself? I had to learn the hard way to feel the guilt and do it anyway!
Nice to meet you!
crazy t
Posted by Mal on July 15, 2005, at 6:11:37
In reply to Re: here again » Mal, posted by crazy teresa on July 15, 2005, at 2:50:43
Thanks for your replies. I have very little time to myself. We live too far from family and close friends to have anyone we really know and trust do any babysitting. I have an acquaintance with a little girl who lives in this subdivision, and we get together every 10 days or so. I have left babygirl with them for up to 2 1/2 hrs. one time, and several other shorter times but I am not really comfortable leaving her too long. Besides that, they are planning to move in the next several months. I have also met new neighbors who seem nice. They are coming over to play next week.
I have just joined the local MOMS club, knowing I need to get to know more friends and neighbors around here. We might get out of the house today for a little playdate thing. I think it will be good for me if I do.
You know how you meet some people and you can tell right away that they are YOUR KIND of people? The neighbors we see pretty often - there is just something I'm not wholly comfortable with. THey are very nice, and I have no reason to think they have been mean to their little girl or mine, but they just aren't OUR KIND of people. I know how snobbish that must sound! But we really aren't snobs- I hope ya'll know what I mean...
I have been thinking of going back to work part time, but I hate to do that and then get pregnant again soon (if I could be that lucky!). And who in the world would I get to take care of babygirl? Hopefully this MOMS club will work out well, and we'll make lots of new friends.
This loneliness is more on the inside somehow. DH is here most all the time unless he is working (which is 50-55 hrs./week). We have lots to talk about- he is interested in what our girl is doing these days, and we have other similar interests... Since I have started talking about wanting another baby he has slacked up a little on the help he gives. He may not have even realized it.
I guess it has been a while since I have done something just for me. Maybe I will make a chance to get a haircut this weekend!!
THanks!! Look forward to getting to know you all !
MAL
Posted by Ilene on July 15, 2005, at 14:52:20
In reply to Re: here again; Sleepy and » crazy teresa, posted by Mal on July 15, 2005, at 6:11:37
I know what you mean about finding "your kind" of people. I have had a few close friends, but in general I don't connect with most people. Especially now; I feel so blank because the depression makes it harder for me to hold conversations and I have little to talk about because I don't get out much.
I.
Posted by crazy teresa on July 15, 2005, at 15:16:08
In reply to Re: here again; Sleepy and » crazy teresa, posted by Mal on July 15, 2005, at 6:11:37
A haircut is an excellent idea! That's always a great pick-me-up. Get your nails done too! ;~}
You don't sound snobby at all. I think you sound like you and I could be friends! Trust your gut instinct; that's one of motherhoods gifts. You may not understand why you feel the way that you do, but listen to it. Our babies are not worth risking.
Most of the people I met after we moved here were from church. We would go out to lunch after church and get to know them little by little. They also had a program where you signed up to be in a small group of 4 other families with the sole purpose of spending time together to get to know one another better.
I asked people from my husband's office to recommend a sitter so we could go out for dinner once in a while. You can always ask for references from teachers or youth leaders if they are in high school. Especially in a town as small as we're in--if there's something you should know, someone will tell you.
During the summer, there will be a lot of moms at the local pool. Is there a newcommers organization where you are?
I've been married a while and it seems like whenever my husband started acting like you say yours is, it usually wasn't why I thought it was. Men's minds are different than ours. You think he doesn't want another baby, however, he may be thinking only about the financial pressures of another child, not that he doesn't want one. Or maybe he's afraid you won't have any time at all left for him if you have another child.
Do you think your inside feeling of lonliness will be helped by going to work?
crazy t
Posted by crazy teresa on July 15, 2005, at 15:52:58
In reply to Re: here again; Sleepy and » Mal, posted by Ilene on July 15, 2005, at 14:52:20
> I know what you mean about finding "your kind" of people. I have had a few close friends, but in general I don't connect with most people. Especially now; I feel so blank because the depression makes it harder for me to hold conversations and I have little to talk about because I don't get out much.
>
> I.Could you find people to talk to who have the same interests as you do? It might make conversation easier if you're talking about what you know and are passionate about. Here there are groups that get together to discuss books, sit and talk while they knit at the library, go bowling, try different restaurants, take 1 or 2 day bus trips, local acting groups, depression support groups at the hospital... I've even seen ads in the paper for groups needing members in card groups, etc.
One thing is for sure--it will never happen if you stay hime all the time. And I know it's really hard and the last thing you want to do when you're depressed.
t
Posted by Ilene on July 15, 2005, at 21:00:11
In reply to Re: here again; » Ilene, posted by crazy teresa on July 15, 2005, at 15:52:58
> Could you find people to talk to who have the same interests as you do? It might make conversation easier if you're talking about what you know and are passionate about. Here there are groups that get together to discuss books, sit and talk while they knit at the library, go bowling, try different restaurants, take 1 or 2 day bus trips, local acting groups, depression support groups at the hospital... I've even seen ads in the paper for groups needing members in card groups, etc.
>
> One thing is for sure--it will never happen if you stay hime all the time. And I know it's really hard and the last thing you want to do when you're depressed.
>
> tI've been trying to get out more by volunteering and I'm taking an exercise class. I just feel tongue-tied after a couple of sentences--my mind goes blank. And one of the symptoms of my depression is that I don't find many things interesting anymore, although I've tried to get back into hobbies.
A friend was supposed to come over today for lunch, but something came up for her and she had to bail. Kind of screwed up my day, but what could I do? Ended up going to see a movie with my kids.
I.
Posted by Mal on July 16, 2005, at 7:35:54
In reply to Re: here again; » crazy teresa, posted by Ilene on July 15, 2005, at 21:00:11
Yes, even when I am depressed, if I can manage to get out in public I feel better. And better yet if I can go someplace where I HAVE to have conversation.
BTW, when I am really feeling bad, I feel so stupid. I have 2nd (and 3rd and 4th) thoughts about every word I have said to someone. THere are certain people I am REALLY rough on myself with (husband's boss's wife, for instance)- I always manage to say something REALLY BRILLIANT to her. heh
Anyway, sounds like you had a good idea with the movie with the kids. It is NEVER a bad idea to spend time with the kids.
Best wishes!! MAL
Posted by Mal on July 16, 2005, at 7:48:50
In reply to Re: here again; Sleepy and » Mal, posted by crazy teresa on July 15, 2005, at 15:16:08
> You don't sound snobby at all. I think you sound like you and I could be friends! Trust your gut instinct; that's one of motherhoods gifts. You may not understand why you feel the way that you do, but listen to it. Our babies are not worth risking.
>
I am glad you siad that. I hate that I can't put a finger on what bothers me about our neighbors, but I haven't ignored it, either.> Most of the people I met after we moved here were from church.
We aren't much into church. I want to raise babygirl in church, but I was raised so crazy-religious I am totally turned off to that kind of fanaticism. So once a week and we'll be doing good. DH is NOT into the idea at all, even less than me.
>
> I asked people from my husband's office to recommend a sitter so we could go out for dinner once in a while.DH loves the babygirl so much, and he doesnt' have much time with her during the week, so he hardly wants to go anywhere without her! I am not complaining, though, because before she was born I thought he might not like her at all! THat was scary!! But he has been TERRIFFIC with her!!
>
> During the summer, there will be a lot of moms at the local pool.I went to that meeting for an hour or so yesterday and made some acquaintances that I felt pretty comfortable with... Babygirl loves running and playing with the other kids!
>
> I've been married a while and it seems like whenever my husband started acting like you say yours is, it usually wasn't why I thought it was. Men's minds are different than ours. You think he doesn't want another baby, however, he may be thinking only about the financial pressures of another child, not that he doesn't want one. Or maybe he's afraid you won't have any time at all left for him if you have another child.
>
YOu are so right on this!!> Do you think your inside feeling of lonliness will be helped by going to work?
Don't know- maybe it would be worse if I wasn't with my daughter- I would miss her soooooo!!
THanks, Teresa
MAL
Posted by Mal on July 16, 2005, at 18:07:44
In reply to Re: here again; Sleepy and » Mal, posted by crazy teresa on July 15, 2005, at 15:16:08
>
> I've been married a while and it seems like whenever my husband started acting like you say yours is, it usually wasn't why I thought it was. Men's minds are different than ours. You think he doesn't want another baby, however, he may be thinking only about the financial pressures of another child, not that he doesn't want one. Or maybe he's afraid you won't have any time at all left for him if you have another child.
>
Teresa, I didn't have time earlier to post my complete thought on this. Yes, DH's mind is VERY different than mine, and I usually do guess wrong about the WHYs when it comes to him. He is sensitive and thoughtful, but not much into stating his feelings, or discussing/arguing about things we disagree on. SO we haven't gone over pros and cons of another baby. I am handling this like I did when I wanted to have a baby before. I told him I wasn't taking the pill anymore and if he didn't want to have a baby it was up to him to do something about it. LOL I guess I am gambling he won't go get a vasectomy!! That may be not a very diplomatic way to be, and I wouldn't do it if we couldn't afford it. But then again, I took care of our BC for 7 years- surely he could take care of it for a couple of years LOL!!ANyway, thanks for "listening".
MAL
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