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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Toph on May 25, 2005, at 22:57:14
Just checking.
Posted by Deneb on May 25, 2005, at 23:07:02
In reply to Is SusanFortySeven OK?, posted by Toph on May 25, 2005, at 22:57:14
Hmmm...you're right Toph, she hasn't posted in quite a while.
I hope you are ok susan47. Please check in if you can.
Deneb (used to be Shy_Girl)
Posted by Deneb on May 25, 2005, at 23:11:29
In reply to Re: Is SusanFortySeven OK?, posted by Deneb on May 25, 2005, at 23:07:02
She posted on the Relationships Board on the 23rd.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 25, 2005, at 23:18:58
In reply to Is SusanFortySeven OK?, posted by Toph on May 25, 2005, at 22:57:14
I think she has been thinking of leaving the site. Getting more back into RL.
Hope you are still lurking around Susan,
We miss you :-)
Hope all is well.
Posted by Damos on May 25, 2005, at 23:52:29
In reply to Is SusanFortySeven OK?, posted by Toph on May 25, 2005, at 22:57:14
Hope so. Will miss her too is she leaves babble.
Posted by TamaraJ on May 26, 2005, at 15:03:18
In reply to Is SusanFortySeven OK?, posted by Toph on May 25, 2005, at 22:57:14
I seem to recall reading a post where she was talking about a new job. Perhaps she doesn't have as much time to post now. I hope she is well, is enjoying everything life has to offer, and continues to post when she has time. I have always found her posts open, insightful and straight-forward.
Posted by AdaGrace on May 27, 2005, at 8:01:37
In reply to Is SusanFortySeven OK?, posted by Toph on May 25, 2005, at 22:57:14
I wonder that as well, but since I tend to get wrapped up in my own depression at times and don't post, I tend to not be the one to talk....
Know what I mean Vern?
Posted by Susan47 on May 27, 2005, at 22:58:37
In reply to Re: Is SusanFortySeven OK? » Toph, posted by TamaraJ on May 26, 2005, at 15:03:18
Here I am, trying to break free of old patterns. Making a life. Seeing things I've never seen before. Hearing and feeling, trying to stay in the moment.
Hmh, I don't think I know how to be straightforward, do I really? Everything, so much is circular. Life, to my mind, is a series of circles touching and overlaying each other, each moving in its own beautiful slow dance, together creating a pattern that's forever imprinted on the universe.
Sheesh.
Susan you're LOSING it. See what five minutes here does to me? I'm sorry I haven't been around, not for anybody for a long time. I'm not working making money, yet, but I'm doing a practicum at one of our hospitals; it's fascinating work, I finally made a good decision, and I saw everything through, I made a lot of good decisions this last year of my life.
What a journey, what a trip.
Hope I feel this way tomorrow and next week .. it's a lot to hope for. And I still miss my ex-therapist, and I still want him in my life, and I still mourn the death of the feelings, the feelings I hope will come again, to me, in my life. They were wonderful, it was wonderful to be alive feeling so much attraction and desire, feeling special to someone special.
I never want to be mentally compromised. I'm learning that much. Learning that life gives me unexpected little gifts, gifts that seem little but aren't really, they're huge. Last year I was crazy, nuts, thinking, even last week, that the abyss was so incredibly close, I felt the coldness of it on my skin and thought, incorrectly, that I could never go back, but I can, I think I can, incentive is high. The gift is working on a geriatric psych ward. It was a gift not to be given my original practicum.
But, who knows? Perhaps everything in my life's been a gift, perhaps sometimes gifts have to have pain attached in order to be truly appreciated?
Who knows.
Life.
How's everybody else doing? Do cough up... Ada, Toph, Alex, Shygirl, Damos ...?
Posted by Toph on May 28, 2005, at 12:03:01
In reply to Hi guys, posted by Susan47 on May 27, 2005, at 22:58:37
Hi suze,
It's good to hear that you don't need us that much. Fear can cause the elderly to erect some pretty high walls. I hope for their sake that they will allow you inside. I'm sure you will be instrumental in helping these intreresting souls return to their lives off the unit. It's good to hear happiness in your voice, susan. Toph
Posted by alexandra_k on May 28, 2005, at 18:41:11
In reply to Hi guys, posted by Susan47 on May 27, 2005, at 22:58:37
Hiya Susan.
OMG is Susan getting a life???
;-)
Seems like a few people are doing that these days...Nice to know you are still lurking..
I know what you mean about going round and round those old head circles sometimes...Remember that you aren't *obliged* to do that if you come here.
Though I guess other people tend to set one off.Anyway
Nice to know you are still around
And doing ok:-)
Posted by Susan47 on May 29, 2005, at 14:06:33
In reply to Re: Hi guys » Susan47, posted by Toph on May 28, 2005, at 12:03:01
No it's not like that. These people are either losing it or have lost it, and I'm not a care aide or social worker, I do clerical work; my contact with the patients consists of calming them when I can, giving them kleenex when they cry or sob uncontrollably - something in their brains just turns it on and they cannot turn it off easily; it seems that they're sobbing from the deepest pit of their soul, it's that emotive, you know? But the reality is that they're not even in there; the sobbing has no lasting meaning for them because they have no clear, direct memory left ... these people are no longer capable of thinking in any way for themselves .. it's endless, continual madness. And you smile at them in the hall.. last week a woman (I say "woman" but in reality we call her by her name, and we speak of her affectionately, even when we're frustrated by her behaviours) grabbed me, she tried to pull and push me into her room so I could dress her, you have to be careful and always watch your back because some are very violent and aggressive, it's interesting .. Friday morning I watched this lovely old man sit and shave his lip for five minutes, then move onto the blanket in his lap, shaving his blanket back and forth, back and forth, in this little six-inch area. Then the aide took the electric shaver away from him, and he started agitatedly pacing .. I think that's a sign of Parkinson's but I'm not sure, I know other things are commonly exhibited behaviours of particular illnesses, dementia has one set of behaviours, Alzheimer's another, Parkinson's yet another, and it's fascinating, heartbreaking, and thought-provoking work, but it's only my practicum. I didn't realize until my second week there how much I enjoyed the unit itself, the nurses, the aides, the patients even, some of them I just want to hug, they're so vulnerable in their helplessness, like little babies, their minds aren't functioning in a way that can calculate any more than an immediate outcome, they're so innocent of that
But they're not babies, unlike a baby, they're not moving forward, things will not begin to have clarity and meaning, for them, things are going backward at a much faster pace than a baby moves forward .. it's Life, turning in on itself, folding itself up ....
I have no place there.. yet ... have thirty or so resumes to drop off this week in diff. hospital units, and then it's casual work, sometimes for Years ... no benefits .. this is what people give up for an interesting career, y'know? It's well-known that a career in hospital, although high-stress, is very rewarding .. and everyone gets shafted ... you can only take so much "reward" before the scales tip the other way, too. I wish I were twenty again ... I sound like George Burns ... wasn't he "Georgie" to Gracie? I would love to hear some of their stuff right now.
Sometimes, you know, I wonder about my own sanity; do we all do that? Do you do that Toph?
Posted by Damos on May 29, 2005, at 17:21:14
In reply to Hi guys, posted by Susan47 on May 27, 2005, at 22:58:37
Hey Susan,
It's great to here from you and that you're out there doing it. Good for you, I'm really pleased. I know what you're saying about Geriatric patients - there is something indefinable isn't there. There was a woman in Sydney who celebrated her 107th birthday last week and her only living relative (a nephew) couldn't make it cause he's in a nursing home. But her friends and neigbours took her down to the pub for a celebratory lunch, and her secrets to a long life? Lots of salt, lots of butter and lots of whisky. God love her, she looked fabulous and so full of life.
BTW, I think you're very straight forward, in a round-a-bout kinda way :-) Don't worry, even if you're not here, we know you're with each of us in your own special, unique way, and we're here for you too.
I'm currently waiting to see if I'm gonna loose my job or not. Won't hear until the 13th but I'm feeling okay about it either way. Have you read "The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat" by "Oliver Sacks", yeah the "Awakenings" guy is an amazing series of stories about diseases of the mind.
Wishing you well dear sweet Susan.
Posted by Toph on May 30, 2005, at 7:46:10
In reply to Oh, No » Toph, posted by Susan47 on May 29, 2005, at 14:06:33
I don't always read with the best comprehension but I think I read in your post that all humans, even those hopelessly lost in their psychoses or brain injury or developmental disabilities or dementia or degenerative brain disorders, deserve the same dignity as others. This isn't easy, of course. When I work with a confused client only to find the next day that they have not a shred of memory of our interaction I wonder sometimes why should I care, why should I try. But then, it isn't that difficult to look deep into their eyes and imagine the possibility that someday those could be my blank eyes I am gazing into. Is there no worth to a life devoid of memory, a personality that wanders aimlessly through a deluded altered reality, an intellect severely limited in its ability to comprehend any of these notions or insights? Of course there is value, in my opinion. Until we know all of the answers to every question that man is capable of asking it is best to assume that every living thing is an intended creation offered for our marvel and love.
Posted by Susan47 on May 30, 2005, at 20:44:32
In reply to Re: Hi guys » Susan47, posted by Damos on May 29, 2005, at 17:21:14
That is an absolutely lovely story about the old woman. I think it must take something really exceptional to continue to want to live when everyone you know from your youngers days, your age, and lots younger, are dead. She must have an amazing ability to make new friends and love a lot of people, is what I'm thinking ..
I never used to be able to watch shows about old people or craziness or anything .. Cuckoo's Nest I've never seen, I'm afraid to.. the one movie I did see which forever bothers me is Sally Field in "Sybil". There was a really good one about a child who was psycopathic, I think from the fifties, does anybody know the name of that one? I have never seen it but the once when I was a child, and I'd really like to see it as an adult, it would be interesting. Sorry, rambling when all I mean to say is yes, I'm going to be watching a lot more of those types of movies now.. I don't feel like that "evil" stuff is me, I don't have to be afraid of it anymore.
Hmh, now you've done that thing to me, Damos. :)
Posted by Susan47 on May 30, 2005, at 20:47:54
In reply to Re: Oh, No » Susan47, posted by Toph on May 30, 2005, at 7:46:10
You know, just reading your post, it occurs to me as a thought that maybe the worth of these people's lives, and perhaps mine too, near the end like that, will be the compassion I teach others.
That's hugely worthy.
These people are our teachers.
Are we smart enough to be their pupils?
And there's tons more, as you suggest, Toph, there's all kinds of worth that we're not seeing, we don't understand their world any more than they understand this one, now.
Posted by Damos on May 30, 2005, at 21:20:29
In reply to Re: Hi guys » Damos, posted by Susan47 on May 30, 2005, at 20:44:32
Hey Suze,
What, what 'thing'?
If you want to read about surviving an 'unusual' childhood and adulthood you should try "Running With Scissors", "Dry" and "Magical Thinking" by "Augusten Burroughs". I was stunned and amazed, just plain stunned and amazed, I actually saw him at the Sydney Writers Festival on the weekend and was astounded by how seemingly welll adjusted he is.
Did the movie have Joan Crawford and Bette Davis in it? :-)
Posted by Susan47 on May 31, 2005, at 17:33:18
In reply to Book Suggestions » Susan47, posted by Damos on May 30, 2005, at 21:20:29
The thing about suddenly opening up, finding out, in public, like this. It's spontaneous and also a bit embarrassing, the subjects get totally changed, for me it's like talking therapy but it's really typing therapy, it's talking with my fingers I guess. And when I just let it go, let it come out, whatever will, I find it a wonderful experience, but deeply revealing, exciting, and, like I said, embarrassing ... You had this experience in the last little while, I remember. Was it on Writing?
Posted by Susan47 on May 31, 2005, at 17:41:26
In reply to Book Suggestions » Susan47, posted by Damos on May 30, 2005, at 21:20:29
No way. Just from what you've said in your posts, I don't think I could read that stuff. If it's got to do with helpless innocent people being hurt, I want nothing to do with it. I've always been like that, I couldn't even read Black Beauty past the first few pages. I couldn't live through the sadness to get to the good part. Nope. You can have those books, that stuff, if that's what it is. I can't read about war, either, not the most recent wars. I've read a few Holocaust survivor books, and personal account books of living with Communism in China and other stuff like that, but the more recent wars, the brutality of human to human .. I don't understand being able to read that stuff .. yet strangely enough, I had little trouble with ERich Maria Remarque's "All Quiet on the Western Front", but couldn't get through the first chapter of his "A Time to Love and a Time to Die" because of the brutality of which is expressed as thought and external reality ...
See, I've rambled again. Tell me about Augusten Burroughs. I think I may have seen a snippet of something about him on TV but flipped past it, I can't watch any Oprah like that, about stuff done to children. Was this about his childhood, horrible things done to him?
Posted by Damos on May 31, 2005, at 22:20:01
In reply to Re: Book Suggestions » Damos, posted by Susan47 on May 31, 2005, at 17:41:26
The best place to go to find out about him and the books is:
http//www.augusten.com
Just click on the book images at the bottom left to read about each of them. I was to blown away to feel sad reading them except one part in 'Dry'. And his writing is so honest and vibrant and what happens just so mind blowing I don't know how to describe them. The Oliver Sacks books are also not sad, just full of wide-eyed wonder at what the brain is capable of and how we can adapt to these things we have no real control over.
BTW I loved All Quiet on the Western Front. I've read volumes about Vietnam, partly because I have always had a sense of having been there. Odd given I was born in '64, but I remember as a kid seeing the footage on the news and just having this knowingness about what I was seeing. Odd. But I also understand what you mean, my sense of abhorrence at a lot of things is on the increase.
This is the end of the thread.
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