Posted by Susan47 on May 27, 2005, at 22:58:37
In reply to Re: Is SusanFortySeven OK? » Toph, posted by TamaraJ on May 26, 2005, at 15:03:18
Here I am, trying to break free of old patterns. Making a life. Seeing things I've never seen before. Hearing and feeling, trying to stay in the moment.
Hmh, I don't think I know how to be straightforward, do I really? Everything, so much is circular. Life, to my mind, is a series of circles touching and overlaying each other, each moving in its own beautiful slow dance, together creating a pattern that's forever imprinted on the universe.
Sheesh.
Susan you're LOSING it. See what five minutes here does to me? I'm sorry I haven't been around, not for anybody for a long time. I'm not working making money, yet, but I'm doing a practicum at one of our hospitals; it's fascinating work, I finally made a good decision, and I saw everything through, I made a lot of good decisions this last year of my life.
What a journey, what a trip.
Hope I feel this way tomorrow and next week .. it's a lot to hope for. And I still miss my ex-therapist, and I still want him in my life, and I still mourn the death of the feelings, the feelings I hope will come again, to me, in my life. They were wonderful, it was wonderful to be alive feeling so much attraction and desire, feeling special to someone special.
I never want to be mentally compromised. I'm learning that much. Learning that life gives me unexpected little gifts, gifts that seem little but aren't really, they're huge. Last year I was crazy, nuts, thinking, even last week, that the abyss was so incredibly close, I felt the coldness of it on my skin and thought, incorrectly, that I could never go back, but I can, I think I can, incentive is high. The gift is working on a geriatric psych ward. It was a gift not to be given my original practicum.
But, who knows? Perhaps everything in my life's been a gift, perhaps sometimes gifts have to have pain attached in order to be truly appreciated?
Who knows.
Life.
How's everybody else doing? Do cough up... Ada, Toph, Alex, Shygirl, Damos ...?
poster:Susan47
thread:502969
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050525/msgs/503974.html