![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 14:43:24
My irritability is up and I'm frustrated over something totally inconsequential. But hey, here goes. I'm tired of talking on the phone to businesses calling me Mrs. MyLastName. I'm tired of mail calling me Mrs. MyLastName - even mail that's in response to something I sent. What is WRONG with these people??? Why do they assume that the default for a woman is Mrs.? As if that's the ONLY acceptable title for a woman.
Maybe a woman likes to be called Mrs.
Maybe she wants to be called Ms.
Maybe she goes by Dr.
Maybe she changed her name when she married, maybe she didn't.Her choice - once people actually know what that choice is. Automatically using Mrs. assumes outright that a woman is married and strangers have no way to know if that's the case or not. So why not make the initial default "Ms.", which assumes nothing one way or the other?
I know - I'm a hypersensitive single woman with an axe to grind, tired of feeling devalued by societal standards. Thanks for letting me be a grouch.
BTW, anybody know any sweet, available single men you can ship to me?
Em
Posted by AuntieMel on September 29, 2004, at 14:53:30
In reply to Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 14:43:24
I like to say "My mother is Mrs. MyLastName. You have the wrong number." and hang up.
Posted by ron1953 on September 29, 2004, at 15:02:26
In reply to Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 14:43:24
Em:
Who pays the shipping costs?
Ron
Posted by alesta on September 29, 2004, at 15:21:28
In reply to Re: Mega-rant over something stupid » Emme, posted by ron1953 on September 29, 2004, at 15:02:26
> Who pays the shipping costs?
what a riot! well, Em, ask and ye shall receive..:) you know, it would be cool if we could have like a singles board on PB..but then i'd probably be too tempted to jump in, and i'm not single (yet :)). i wish i could just eliminate my urge for romance, as nothing good ever seems to come out of it..emme, i hate being called mrs., too. don't assume we're married, people! and ma'am is even worse..it feels like somebody telling you to your face that you're old or something..:)
amy:)
Posted by partlycloudy on September 29, 2004, at 16:47:21
In reply to Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 14:43:24
When they call, just tell them there is no one there by that name, and hang up before they stick their foot in your phone's door.
Mark the mail "no such person - return to sender"
At least you'll get some satisfaction!
I will look around for nice single guys with low shipping rates for you.
Posted by pegasus on September 29, 2004, at 16:57:28
In reply to Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 14:43:24
Oh, I hear you. I happen to be married, but I definitely go by Ms. It's just no one's business one way or the other.
When I first got married, my very young and innocent SIL, who had taken my brother's last name, asked me, "So, if you're not taking your husband's last name, what will people call you? Mrs. OriginalLastName?" No, sweetie, it's Ms. OriginalLastName. You don't have the Mrs. if you don't change your name!
When I get people asking for Mrs. Husbandslastname, I tell them that they need to take me off of their calling list because I'm on the "do not call" list and it is illegal for them to call me. Or else, I tell them that my mother in law doesn't live there, and hang up. Grrrrrr.
pegasus
Posted by karaS on September 29, 2004, at 17:08:17
In reply to Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 14:43:24
I get most ticked off when it happens in person and they can see that there's no wedding ring!!! (HELLO?) One of the local supermarkets here has a policy that the cashiers need to thank you by name when they hand you your receipt. 9 out of 10 times they call me "Mrs.". Sometimes I point out to them that there's no ring ... I'm single. I try to do it in a nice way. Other times I just don't bother because I know it will come out sounding nasty it's just not worth it.
Posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 21:29:44
In reply to Re: Mega-rant over something stupid » Emme, posted by ron1953 on September 29, 2004, at 15:02:26
> Em:
>
> Who pays the shipping costs?
>
> RonIn the interests of gender equality, I'd say 50-50. But... I could be persuaded take care of all the shipping for someone who will share cooking and gives a good massage....
Posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 21:58:13
In reply to Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 14:43:24
Wow. I guess I'm not the only one with this gripe. Thanks for the commiseration.
Bugs me from an indignant "Nobody else's business, don't make assumptions" point of view. But also makes me bummed when I'm lonely by making me feel like I'm out of the norm. If no distinctions were made, then maybe I'd feel like we're all considered okay, married or not. That's my personal insecurity oozing out.About the ma'am thing. I was in my mid twenties when I moved south. It was a shocker to suddently be called ma'am all the time by kids working in stores. After a while I got used to it. It's a standard of politeness not used where I grew up. Still, the occasional "miss" is nice. And it never hurts to get carded.
Posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 22:02:28
In reply to Re: my standard answer » Emme, posted by AuntieMel on September 29, 2004, at 14:53:30
> I like to say "My mother is Mrs. MyLastName. You have the wrong number." and hang up.
That's good. I often say "There's no one here by that name."
Posted by ron1953 on September 29, 2004, at 22:34:49
In reply to Re: Mega-rant over something stupid » ron1953, posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 21:29:44
Em:
Sorry to fan the fire but I'm good at both. (LOL)
Ron
Posted by saw on September 30, 2004, at 1:44:00
In reply to Re: Mega-rant over something stupid » Emme, posted by ron1953 on September 29, 2004, at 22:34:49
OK, someone has to be different. I am a bit of a feminist so totally agree with all the sentiments mentioned about this subject, however, I love being a Mrs and I carry my Mrs and Husband'slastname with so much pride. BUT .... woe betide the jack*ss that treats me as if I'm brain dead or don't have a life just because I'm married. I see a lot of that kind of insensitivity amongst people my age.
I hate being called "lady" and "lovey" over the phone. "Lady" is just plain rude, and "lovey" by someone you've never met is nauseating!
Sabrina
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 30, 2004, at 12:22:09
In reply to Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by Emme on September 29, 2004, at 14:43:24
Emme, I am so with you on this! I never changed my last name when I got married and I get called "Mrs. Myhusbandslastname" all the time. It doesn't bother me, it just lets me know that someone has not done his homework!! This will not impress me!
"Mr" is not an indicator of marital status. I feel it's time women no longer should be identified by their marital status - seems so antiquated to me. "Ms" is the perfect neutral solution.
Posted by Emme on September 30, 2004, at 22:31:48
In reply to Re: Mega-rant over something stupid » Emme, posted by ron1953 on September 29, 2004, at 22:34:49
> Em:
>
> Sorry to fan the fire but I'm good at both. (LOL)
>
> RonHows about a sample of your cooking? I like banana bread. :)
Posted by Emme on September 30, 2004, at 22:54:25
In reply to Re: Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by saw on September 30, 2004, at 1:44:00
> BUT .... woe betide the jack*ss that treats me as if I'm brain dead or don't have a life just because I'm married. I see a lot of that kind of insensitivity amongst people my age.
Interesting. Actually, it hadn't occurred to me that people might treat someone as if they're brain dead if they're married. That's got to be frustrating. Why do you think that is?
> I hate being called "lady" and "lovey" over the phone. "Lady" is just plain rude, and "lovey" by someone you've never met is nauseating!I couldn't agree more!
Emme
Posted by Emme on September 30, 2004, at 23:21:32
In reply to Re: Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 30, 2004, at 12:22:09
> Emme, I am so with you on this! I never changed my last name when I got married and I get called "Mrs. Myhusbandslastname" all the time. It doesn't bother me, it just lets me know that someone has not done his homework!! This will not impress me!
>
> "Mr" is not an indicator of marital status. I feel it's time women no longer should be identified by their marital status - seems so antiquated to me. "Ms" is the perfect neutral solution.Neutral. Exactly. I do think women should be called whatever they like. Mrs. Ms. But it bugs me when the assumption of marital status and/or name preference is made ahead of time rather than starting neutral until they have a chance to clarify. I want Ms. for myself.
Speaking of the name thing, it could get interesting if I ever marry and end up giving a child my last name. Just hypothetical at the moment. But you see, my last name will end with my generation b/c no boys have been born. My cousins and I were talking about it recently. Was it Pegasus who's planning to do that?
Posted by ron1953 on October 1, 2004, at 11:38:56
In reply to Re: Mega-rant over something stupid » ron1953, posted by Emme on September 30, 2004, at 22:31:48
Emme:
You touched upon a sore subject. But I'm not upset. I think I'll just vent a bit. When my ex asked me to leave, I packed my car with my clothes and few other personal posessions. Shortly after the separation, she cut off all contact with me, discarded all of my personal possessions and refused to negotiate a property/debt settlement. When she filed for divorce, I didn't waste my money on a lawyer to fight it out. It made more sense to me to just sign the papers and move forward with my life. So she has everything, including all of the recipes we had collected and perfected over the years. I'm going to get my son to have his mother send some favorite recipes to him. I was the cook, and fortunately I've memorized most of my recipes. She was the baker and has the recipes on index cards or in cookbooks. She actually has 2 very good recipes for banana bread. When I get the recipes, I'll send you a banana bread (no kidding). You just might have to remind me.
Ron
Posted by ron1953 on October 1, 2004, at 14:18:32
In reply to Re: Mega-rant over something stupid, posted by saw on September 30, 2004, at 1:44:00
In response to the actual theme of this thread, I don't like to be called Mister. There's no social/sexual context or any of the issues you women mentioned. 1) I've been Ron or Ronnie all of my life. 2) Mister sounds like something to call and old person and sounds old-fashioned.
So, as far as I'm concerned, to blazes with all titles. We're all equals. I call everybody by their first name unless they ask specifically to be addressed otherwise. I ask to be addressed by my first name.
This is kinda funny - My shrink, who's otherwise very informal and relaxed, likes the title thing, for professional reasons as she explained it. After 4 years of being addressed as Mister, I told her I preferred to be addressed by my first name. I respected her preference and asked her to respect mine. It's been funny seeing her struggle adjusting to calling me Ron after 4 years as Mister.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.