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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 12:08:38
He hasn't been doing well the last few months. Steady weight loss. He's losing control of his bladder. I test his blood sugar and it's been very high even with increased insulin. He's a sick boy.
Yesterday, he seemed to be perkier and wanted to go outside. The yard is completely fenced in, and he's never tried to squeeze through a gap like one of the other cats does. He's ususally a good boy who just naps in the garden.
Last night, I checked on him at 7 and he was sleeping in his favorite spot. I went out at 8, to bring him in for his nightly insulin injection and he was gone.
My husband and I both called and called him. I asked around the neighborhood. No one has seen him.
It's my fault. I talked on the phone in front of him to his vet about euthanasia. When he pees on the floor I've gotten angry and yelled at him. Yesterday I asked him why he never runs away, and now he did.
I know that we soon would have to make the choice about euthanasia, so maybe Buster was trying to spare us? I just feel so bad, I know he understood what I said to him.
I'm sorry that this is so sad, but I'm so very sad.
Poet
Posted by shortelise on September 4, 2004, at 15:23:02
In reply to Sick diabetic cat ran away . Sorry if it triggers, posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 12:08:38
Oh, Poet, I am so sorry.
That guilt, I know it well.
I am just so sorry. Sorry that it makes us yell when the cat pees on the floor, sorry that cats get sick, sorry that cats run away, sorry that some of us seem to feel it's all our fault.
ANd I'm sorry that cats die.
ShortE
Posted by pantt on September 4, 2004, at 17:54:45
In reply to Sick diabetic cat ran away . Sorry if it triggers, posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 12:08:38
He didn't run away because you yelled at him or talked about euthanasia in front of him. Animals live on instinct and lots of them will go away to die even in nature. Probably he sensed that he was dying and he followed his instincts to do it alone. Death isn't something animals fear. It's natural as natural as going to sleep when he is tired. Maybe he was running toward it the same way he would have run towards food or you if he were healthier and that's what he needed. When they are old and sick they may feel a need to die in the same way as a need to eat or sleep. At least that's my opinion.
I know that won't make your sadness go away but I hope you can give up some of the guilt. Or possibly you will still find him. Either way I'm sure he loved you and was blessed with all the good years you gave him.
Posted by Susan47 on September 4, 2004, at 19:50:29
In reply to Sick diabetic cat ran away . Sorry if it triggers, posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 12:08:38
You sound very frustrated and guilty; it's so hard when someone we love is sick and we can't do anything to change it.
Let us know what happens.
Sometimes frustration can make us feel pressured, lose our tempers or say things we regret and then when the sick one gets worse, we blame ourselves. Don't be too hard on yourself for your human reactions to stress, okay?
I bet this happens to many of us, it's happened to me too, with people. Sometimes I hate the way I behave when I'm under stress. I hope you feel emotionally better soon, and you find your cat. Losing a loved one is really terrible, it's hard.
Posted by Catgirl on September 4, 2004, at 22:22:04
In reply to Sick diabetic cat ran away . Sorry if it triggers, posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 12:08:38
I'm so sorry that your cat is lost, but I agree with the previous poster that said he might be following his instincts. I know that doesn't make it easier, but it should make you feel less guilty.
I have a diabetic cat also, and it's a real challenge. You need to feel good that you did the best you could for him and he appreciated it.
I will be thinking of you and your cat.
(((Poet)))
Posted by AuntieMel on September 5, 2004, at 0:42:12
In reply to Sick diabetic cat ran away . Sorry if it triggers, posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 12:08:38
I know you want him back and it hurts, but if you don't see him, pantt is right about what they do. I've seen it over and over myself. Just the perking up was a signal that he knew it was his time. For some reason many of them prefer to be alone - to crawl into a comfortable spot, feel the warmth of the ground, smell the plants and the soil and just relax and go. I think it is beautiful.
Don't be hard on yourself. I think it is what he wanted.
Posted by Dinah on September 5, 2004, at 11:43:18
In reply to Sick diabetic cat ran away . Sorry if it triggers, posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 12:08:38
I think we have an instinct to remember the worst at times like this. I am indulging Harry right now beyond belief, yet when he dies, I'll bet what I remember is those few times when I was working hard at something, I was stiff from sitting down, and I shooed him away instead of picking him up. While if I try to remember *everything* I'll also remember how very well he is treated.
So be a bit easier on yourself. Your cat had a wonderful life, and if he ran away he was following instinct, not reacting to what you did.
And I'm really sorry for your loss.
Posted by Poet on September 5, 2004, at 19:59:39
In reply to Sick diabetic cat ran away . Sorry if it triggers, posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 12:08:38
Deep down I know that he left because he didn't want to die in front of me. Or find him dead. I have a lit candle in front of a photo of him and I've prayed that he's out of pain and in peace.
I'm trying hard not to feel guilty for something that I couldn't have prevented, but it's tough. I think I know what I'll be talking about in therapy this week.
Thank you all, again. Your support is very much appreciated and needed.
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 2:50:21
In reply to Thank you, Everyone, For Your Support, posted by Poet on September 5, 2004, at 19:59:39
Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 2:52:28
In reply to Re: Thank you, Everyone, For Your Support (nm), posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 2:50:21
Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 2:54:01
In reply to Sick diabetic cat ran away . Sorry if it triggers, posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 12:08:38
Poet,
I'm so sorry about your cat. Even when you kind of are expecting to lose them soon, it's hard, isn't it? I think the candle and photo are lovely ideas. I hope that you cat is at peace now and that you find some comfort in knowing that.Take extra gentle care.
Warmly,
gg
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