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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 19:08:05
In reply to Re: increase, posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 18:24:22
Hey I can understand that I think that my mother had problems also but she never handled them very well she just abused her children...When I had melissa I became aware and I made sure that she knew that this is a sickness and illness a biological thing and there is also some things from it that are behavioral..my mother never showed us unconditional love I remember being afraid my whole life always afraid of what was going to happen when I woke in the morning and not knowing there is no excuse for that none at all..So I know that there is some chemical and some behavoral and I broke the cycle with my daughter I taught her not to be scared I taught her that no matter who it is they can cause you pain and they can do things to you that are not acceptible no one ever told me that and my mother knew about my abuse but because it was a family member I guess it was ok...But no more my daughter does have some anxiety and she knows to call me and I can calm her down and I have made her less afraid of meds than I am because I was brainwashed to think that meds where bad..but she knows if she needs them she can take them...I thank god for that...And I also do not blame myself because I know that I was the best mother for her and I know that I did everything right this time I broke the cycle..but it is in our genes sometimes..I appoligize for going on and on but just wanted to get it out....
I guess in a round about way I'm trying to say Anakin if your mother gave you what you needed and the most important thing is love and she had the same problems we have but still gave you unconditional love then you have to have total respect for her because that is what I try to do every day with melissa I try to make sure that she knows that she is loved and that I have some issues that I cannot help or change sometimes...I'm not sure I'm even making sense at this point....but i'm glad that your boyfriend understands that is huge and I hope that he will continue to help you ...as i have said sometimes just being with my husband in a stressful situtation I know that I can leave and I never have to..You are in my prayers and hope to talk to you soon...Hope that I didnt go on and on too much...mystic
Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 19:43:07
In reply to :(, posted by Magdalena on May 29, 2004, at 23:09:50
Oh honey I am so sorry that you are feeling so low. Please don't be too upset with yourself. You did what you felt was right for you and that is a good thing. I know that you are just trying to get yourself better. Hang in there and ease up on yourself. Love Ya! Mrs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 19:46:54
In reply to RE::: Mag » mystic, posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 10:47:11
I think the time has come to be honest with the bf. If he's the one, he will be there for you. He may not be able to understand but hopefully he will try to. Whatever happens, you're loved by all of us unconditionally!! Mrs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 19:52:41
In reply to RE::: Mag, posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 13:26:58
My husband has had to deal with my obsessions over illness for over 15 years now. He does not totally understand how much I worry but he does think that I am crazy (in a good way). He laughs alot at me. It has gotten to the point where I lock myself in the bathroom to read my medical books. This morning I probed my neck feeling my swollen gland and worrying that I had found another. I did this while locked in the bathroom pretending to shower. Not good! Noone really knows the depth of my troubles but you guys. This board is the only place I can be me without the fear of being laughed at. These are serious problems for all of us and the world is not equipped to understand what we go through. Thank God we have found eachother. I do every night. Love to you all, Mrs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 20:00:13
In reply to Re: increase, posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 18:24:22
Hey Anakin, I am thinking of talking to my doc about another med also. Lexapro has really helped my anxiety but the OCD is killing me. I'm not sure if you've read my posts about finding a swollen gland in my neck. Well I did. My OCD causes me to obsess over these kinds of things and check myself over and over and over... You get the picture. I also will read medical books and search the web over and over... Anyway I haven't really had anything come up since starting Lex to obsess over so when this happened it was a true test for Lex. Well, I have been probing the neck over and over and checking the web, talking to anyone I can for their opinions etc. I went to the doc and she said it was not anything to worry about but here I am still driving myself nuts!!! I think that there must be something out there that can release me from this illness. I hope so anyway. Any thoughts anyone? Mrs. C
Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 21:41:28
In reply to Re: increase, posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 20:00:13
Mrs C....The only thing that I can say is that you have to make sure the it is the lex that is making you still feel the intense feeling of obcesion..because I know that the paxil made me get over the anxiety per se..but I had no feelings at all and I had absolutely no sex drive and I gained 45lbs on it so it is all the willingness to get rid of the feelings and all the other things that go with it...I feel that you need to go through the therapy and try to get through what the reason is that makes you obsess about these things before you think about changing your meds..you told me about a wonderful day yesterday and i would give anything for that to happen to me...so I know how hard it is but please just try to put it into prospective as to what is real and what our minds give us to deal...I love you so much and just want you to be good all the time and if that means changing to another med then so be it but please just be sure...That is all I have to say...You are in my prayers and you are an angel to me...a true bonefid angel..god bless you and talk to you soon...your friend always Mystic
Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 21:59:11
In reply to re; Mrs C, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 21:41:28
Smooch!!! Love you. I know that you are right. I did have a great day yesterday without worry. Today was so different! I felt like a different person today. It really stinks and thanks for understanding. I do need to talk to my therapist badly and I plan to next week!!
I have been waiting to here from Mag to see how her night went with the bf. I think I will have to wait until tomorrow though. Very sleepy. Mrs. C
Posted by Simus on May 30, 2004, at 22:46:03
In reply to increase, posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 17:29:03
> i feel a little better because my best friend took me out today to buy new sunglasses and go for a long country drive in this beautiful weather and listening to loud music. no wonder shes my best friend, we are great together.
Thank God for friends who just "know" exactly what you need. =)
Posted by Simus on May 30, 2004, at 22:49:38
In reply to Re: increase, posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 18:24:22
So glad you are feeling better. =)
Posted by Simus on May 30, 2004, at 22:55:56
In reply to RE:: anakin, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 19:08:05
Mystic,
You are so sweet to be such a help to everyone when you are struggling yourself.
I know you are a good mother and grandmother! You are also a very good friend.
(((hug)))
Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 22:57:23
In reply to Re: increase » Anakin, posted by Simus on May 30, 2004, at 22:49:38
I'm sorry sent sandy a post tonight telling her how i felt but i just felt that us in the posts feel like we need help and guidance and we come here to get it but she is always asking for help but never takes it ..I;'m sorry i feel like i come here and i feel like my dr does that i'm not trying to help myself because i always wont take my xanax or my increase but i feel like i have no chioces i'm totally afraid of the increase and im not trying to dick anyone around i have true feeling to this..I will help every single person on this post to the depth of my being and i truely want everyone to be ok i love you alll but i dont love myself the same way...I'm going to sign off for now and hope that everyoneis doig goo i luvey you all and will talk to you tomorrow..mystic
Posted by Simus on May 30, 2004, at 22:59:51
In reply to RE::: Mag, posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 19:52:41
> Noone really knows the depth of my troubles but you guys. This board is the only place I can be me without the fear of being laughed at. These are serious problems for all of us and the world is not equipped to understand what we go through. Thank God we have found eachother. I do every night.
Ditto, Mrs. C
Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 23:01:29
In reply to Redirected Lexaproers, posted by jlynne on March 13, 2004, at 1:31:16
PS ...I will not post and waste anyones time again until i feel better and have something to contribute to the group..I truely unconditionally love every single one of you more than you know...Bridetobe..Good luck with your wedding I wish you nothing absolutely nothing more than happiness for you big day ditto to you anankin..I'm sorry I'm such a failure but anakin i wish you the same and let me know how everything goes..I love you all and will get in touch when I am worth anything to you...love best wishes to you all...luvya mystic
Posted by sexylexy on May 30, 2004, at 23:08:00
In reply to RE::: sent sandy an post toinght, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 22:57:23
Glam-ma Mystic,
Are you ok? Whats going on??? Talk to me.
Love you,
Lexy
Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 23:09:21
In reply to re:: ps, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 23:01:29
Simus...i cant tell you what a help you are to all of us..You have such inspiration and we need you so much you try to help every single one of us and you do by your ways and your words;.>I just truely believe that you were sent to us as an angel and that is what you are to us...I thank god every single day for you..and you should feel the same way about yourself..I luvya simus and stay with us..talk to ya soon your friend always mystic/./.
Posted by Simus on May 30, 2004, at 23:09:40
In reply to Re: increase, posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 20:00:13
I have been battling more OCD lately too, and memory issues. I sure wish I had an answer.
Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 23:12:25
In reply to RE::: sent sandy an post toinght, posted by sexylexy on May 30, 2004, at 23:08:00
Lexy are u there...I'm struggling here andn wanting your advice i count on you ...you are the powerfuul one...help me oh powerful one...I have been on the increase for 2 weeks today on 15mgs and not feeling much better thought it would be quicker becaue been on the 10 for shit 13 weeks so now on 2 weeks on 15..and you were supposed to give me the name of those tapes i was supposed to buy..were are you..mystic
Posted by sexylexy on May 30, 2004, at 23:21:38
In reply to RE:: Lezy, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 23:12:25
Mystic,
Hey lady, hold on, you sound like you are getting really stressed out. I know that some of your stress is coming from Sandy. I know that you love her and that you worry about her but I had to cut myself off from her because it was too much for me, I do care and want the best for her but it is hard for me to concentrate on healing and loving myself with the constant fear that someone I care about it in such a state.
Also your anxiety probably steams from anxiety, its a terrible cycle. You get a little anxious and you feel "oh my gosh its coming back" this makes you even more nervous.
15mg may not do it for you, for me it took about 20mg for two months then now I am back at 10mg doing well. I know this sucks and it is sooooooooo physcially and emotionally painful for you to not feel the relief. I would see how the lexapro goes for a little longer. I am looking for the names of the tapes right now and get back to you soon. If you need someone to talk to I will stay up all night for you!
Love you Mystic
lexy
Posted by sexylexy on May 30, 2004, at 23:31:19
In reply to RE:: Lezy, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 23:12:25
Hey Mystic,
I just looked on the web to see if I can find the tapes that I have used. My Dad has been out of town getting our new house together so I have not been able to ask him the names of the ones he uses. I will tomorrow when he gets home.
I have been studying about for my Liscensure test to gain my LMSW so I have not posted much lately. I am thinking of ya'll and care about you.
Love ya
lexy
Posted by mystic on May 31, 2004, at 0:06:00
In reply to RE:: Lexy, posted by sexylexy on May 30, 2004, at 23:31:19
Lexy i;m ok..i just want some kind of relief and I find it very discouraging to think that someday real soon we might not all keep in contact and we might never know what is going on in each others lives again..I feel very discouraged as other move on and find their ways that we might not know hoe we as individuals are doing.>.i feel a conection to each and every one of you and it makes me very sad to think that there will be a new group of people that bond and we might never find each other again..I love every single one of you for different reasons and I count on you every single day and i think that very soon i might be able to help you..lexy I always wish only the best for you and Im grateful that you came into my life and changed it forever without you i probably would have given up on the lex a long time ago...When i think back I think about you and Mrs c you made the most impression on me and I'm grateful to you..I love you lexy and will always want the best for you..take care...Mystic
Posted by Simus on May 31, 2004, at 0:07:56
In reply to RE::: sent sandy an post toinght, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 22:57:23
> i'm not trying to help myself because i always wont take my xanax or my increase but i feel like i have no chioces i'm totally afraid of the increase
Oh Mystic, this is the depression talking. I recognize it well, because that is what I sounded like such a short time ago. And we all have good reasons to dread medications - we have BEEN THROUGH IT on these drugs!!! Oh, my!!! When I see someone who's doctor gives them an antidepressant sample because they just "had a bad day", I want to yank it out of their hands and stomp on it. I tell people that medication is a LAST resort, because they have no idea what they are getting into with meds.
> I will help every single person on this post to the depth of my being and i truely want everyone to be ok i love you all
We know, sweetie. We love you too.
> but i dont love myself the same way...
I know this is just the depression again. But I am going to tell you to do something even though you are low right now, Mystic, because this is the only time you can do it. You have broken the family cycle of child abuse. But you have one more cycle to break - the cycle of not loving yourself. Do not pass this on to the your daughter and grandson. Imagine them feeling toward themselves the way you feel toward yourself right now. Break it now. It will take some work. But learn to love yourself. Be kind to yourself. REFUSE to think negative thoughts about yourself, and never let negative words about yourself come out of your mouth. As a matter of fact, make a list of everything you want to be, and speak these things out loud about yourself as if it was already true.
I am going to give you a little something from the "Message" version of the Bible that tells what God thinks of you. I pray that it blesses you.
Romans 8:29 "God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. 30After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
31So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? 32If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? 33And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? 34Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us--who was raised to life for us!-is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. 35Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:36"They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one."
37None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. 38I'm absolutely convinced that nothing--nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, 39high or low, thinkable or unthinkable--absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."
Posted by Simus on May 31, 2004, at 0:14:12
In reply to re:: ps, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 23:01:29
> PS ...I will not post and waste anyones time again until i feel better and have something to contribute to the group..
You can slack off in posting because you aren't feeling well if you want, but don't think you are wasting our time or have nothing to contribute. That's just not true. Besides, who is going to sing lead if you go away??? My la, la, shoo-wops are going to look awfully silly out there alone...
Posted by Simus on May 31, 2004, at 0:33:55
In reply to RE: simus, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 23:09:21
Mystic,
If you EVER think your posts don't matter...
You sent me a message about two weeks ago. I printed it and keep it by my bed. It is now wrinkled and tear-stained, because every time those thought come that try to convince me that I am not worth anything, that I don't matter, I pull out that piece of paper and hug it. It has brought tremendous encouragement.
You keep fighting the good fight of faith, my friend.
Posted by Magdalena on May 31, 2004, at 6:50:23
In reply to re:: ps » mystic, posted by Simus on May 31, 2004, at 0:14:12
Mystic! no, you cant go! you are what motivates me to keep on contiributing, and it reminds me how helpful it is, i am feelinig a little better i know this week will be rough because of the increase im just as med phobic as you are, but i look forward to 2 weeks when maybe i will feel a little more like myself...
i talked to the bf a little last nite but not to the extent that i wanted to.. its going to have to be gradual..he did make me feel better by saying "dont worry i wont let anything bad happen to you" that was sweet, if only he had the power to make it go away! lol...its just wishful thinking but still made me smile.i just got home from his house and going to bed for 2 hours then i have to go to work, i slept at his house last nite cause i didnt want to be alone. it helped.
i love all you guys and your endless giving, it means the world to me.
one day at a time mystic, you will feel better we are increasing together.
((big hug))
Mag
Posted by simus on May 31, 2004, at 10:57:39
In reply to re:: ps, posted by Magdalena on May 31, 2004, at 6:50:23
> he did make me feel better by saying "dont worry i wont let anything bad happen to you" that was sweet
Awwwww...that's so sweet!
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