Psycho-Babble Social Thread 323847

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RE::: hey yo yo squad--trucker

Posted by Mrs. C on May 29, 2004, at 22:12:29

In reply to RE::: hey yo yo squad--trucker, posted by bride2be on May 28, 2004, at 23:50:29

Thanks for your encouragement! I need all the help I can get! Mrs. C

 

RE::: hey mrs C

Posted by Mrs. C on May 29, 2004, at 22:16:30

In reply to RE::: hey mrs C, posted by bride2be on May 28, 2004, at 23:55:18

No, you are the sweetest! I am feeling really good since increasing to 20. I have had some ups and downs lately but have come through them pretty well. Lex hasn't stopped the worrying but has helped me to get over things quicker. YEAH!! Thanks for checking on me. You sound wonderful. Just in time for the happiest day of your life!! More details please!! Mrs. C

 

RE::: here comes to brideanakin

Posted by Mrs. C on May 29, 2004, at 22:18:10

In reply to RE::: here comes to brideanakin, posted by Anakin on May 29, 2004, at 11:18:18

You're doing great sweetie and we will be here for you anytime. Mrs C.

 

:(

Posted by Magdalena on May 29, 2004, at 23:09:50

In reply to Redirected Lexaproers, posted by jlynne on March 13, 2004, at 1:31:16

i did it, i bailed on our plans tomorrow to go to the racetrack..my boyfriend is upset with me now, but how can i explain what i am feeling..i just feel like i want to be alone, yet at the same time i dont...i just feel really sad, like this happiness i recently found is being threatend my my illness..i just want to be normal, i want to be happy, but i keep letting people down and in turn i let myself down. i just feel like curling up with my pillow and crying for a week straight. since i bailed maybe i will start my increase tomorrow. i am such a letdown, :(
"one day i am going to grow wings, a chemical reaction, hysterical and useless.."

Madgalea

 

Re: :(

Posted by Magdalena on May 29, 2004, at 23:18:10

In reply to :(, posted by Magdalena on May 29, 2004, at 23:09:50

geeze i cant even spell my name right..

 

Re: :( » Magdalena

Posted by Simus on May 29, 2004, at 23:31:30

In reply to :(, posted by Magdalena on May 29, 2004, at 23:09:50

> i did it, i bailed on our plans tomorrow to go to the racetrack...my boyfriend is upset with me now,

Sweetie, just concentrate on getting better, and you will have a lifetime to make up for it.

> but how can i explain what i am feeling..i just feel like i want to be alone, yet at the same time i dont...

You can't explain it to someone who hasn't experienced it.

> i just feel really sad, like this happiness i recently found is being threatend my my illness..i just want to be normal, i want to be happy, but i keep letting people down and in turn i let myself down. i just feel like curling up with my pillow and crying for a week straight.

This is what life looks like through the eyes of depression. It WILL go away, and life WILL be good again!

> since i bailed maybe i will start my increase tomorrow.

It may help, but give it some time to take effect.

> i am such a letdown,

No you aren't. You aren't well. And when the depression lifts, so will the negative self-talk. So try not to dwell on it now. Be kind to yourself through the recovery process, and don't expect too much of yourself just yet.

God bless.

 

RE::: Mag

Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 10:11:03

In reply to :(, posted by Magdalena on May 29, 2004, at 23:09:50

Now Mag you are fine...I hope that you did the increase today that would give you an extra head start...You did not bail you realized that it was more than you could handle right now and you took care of yourself...!!!!...It will be fine if he loves you he will eventually understand it is very hard for them to figure all this out..My husband knows what I go through but still can be frustrated with me because of it and it is usually because he feels useless to help me and he just doesnt understand..Mag that is what we are here for we are here to understand and to get you through the hard times and to rejoice with you in the good times!!!!...and from what everyone tells me that will happen..I have recently increased and couldnt have done it without people like simus who is always there to help and to explain things to us all she is an angel..and Mrs C I remember her from the very beginning and she has never let me down not once...So take comfort in that...There is always lexy she is not on as much but she is very helpful and everyone else that comes and goes...Mag please give yourself a break about this one thing and enjoy the rest of the weekend it will be ok...breathe and try to relax..You did the right thing...I dont think that many of us couldve gone through that situation feeling the way that we do and I know I have a hard time with that many people when I'm feeling good...I luvya Mag and I'm here for you..I will check in through out the day and see how you are...did you take the increase??...Take care Mystic

 

RE::: Mag » mystic

Posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 10:47:11

In reply to RE::: Mag, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 10:11:03

hey mystic, thank you i'm glad at least you guys can understand, this morning was brutal my bf sent me a messege and it made me really sad, this is what it said. "Im tired of this im going to stop making plans with you cause all you do is let me down. I try so hard to go out and have some fun but its like you dont want that. Its been 10 months almost ive been trying to get you to go to the movies with me and its like u dont want to. I feel like i should stop trying." this made me really really sad...the truth is i havent told him about my anxiety all he knows is that i have depression but i dont know how to explain this anxiety to him, i hate it, i dont want him to think less of me...i wish i could do all these 'normal' things that other couples do, like the movies! i wish i could sit through one and not even think about it, its true i always make excuses why i dont want to go cause what am i supposed to say "umm i dont want to go cause i will start to feel unconfortable and freak out because of reasons i dont know, ps. your girlfriend is insane. "

i know im being hard on myself i just dont want my bf to think i dont want to do these things with him...i feel like i am ruining the only thing in my life right now that is making me soo happy.

Mystic thank you for your kind words, and yes Mrs C is wonderful too...im glad i have you guys to remind me that i am not alone.

love Mags

 

Re: :( » Simus

Posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 10:54:13

In reply to Re: :( » Magdalena, posted by Simus on May 29, 2004, at 23:31:30

Simus, i hope you are right, when this depression does lift i hope this will all seem a distant past..im not ususally so negative i just feel things that are important to me are being threatned and its making me feel really sad and hopeless...you are right i should be better to myself and not feel defeated when things like this happen, if my bf doesnt understand then there isnt too much i can do about it.. i just don't want him to think i dont like doing things with him, i bet its a blow to his ego... the truth is and im sure you all understand is that i want to do these things, as im sure you guys do too, and maybe you guys are already at that point where you can be yourselfs again...i cant wait for when its my turn:)

i will concentrate on becoming better and i know doing things i a uncomforatble with is part of the healing process, what he doenst know is i have done things like this all the time but he doenst know...its my fault cause i havnt told him..
sigh
anyway
thanks for the words im greatful i have all of you to talk to, :)

Mags

 

RE::: Mag

Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 13:01:24

In reply to RE::: Mag » mystic, posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 10:47:11

Well mag that wasnt a very nice e-mail but you know the reason you got it..You have got to trust him and try to explain the way that you feel..Explain to him the feelings that you have when you go to the movies..explain to him that you have to have a way out if needed and most of the time if you know that you are with a safe person that you are fine..I know with my husband he knows how I feel and he is understanding and knows if I have to leave we have to go right then no questions asked and even though right now we dont do alot of things I have to get myself straightened out but when I can do things I know he is there...Not that there are plenty of times still that he doesnt understand and it is hard for him it is hard for anyone that doesnt totally understand the extent of it...They love us and want us to be ok..

I wish oh how I wish for all of us that this will go away someday and I do know from experience with the paxil that it does help you just have to get to the right dosage and you are on way too low right now...did you start your increase today??...and you know that I'm right there with you on that track also increasing takes me forever and I'm struggling myself after 2 weeks on the increase but hopefully i can realize that now I'm 2 weeks into it and that i wasnt feeling good at all before..!!!...so I might still be feeling that same way or maybe a little better...

Mag maybe print some stuff off the computer and give it to him to read whatever you can find to make him understand a little better and then just sit down with him calmly and try to let him know everything that you are feeling...I cant harm right now things seem a little strained anyway my friend so please be honest with him and see where it goes..You may deal with this at some level your whole life and will need someone to be in your corner...

Let me know how the rest of your day goes and keep in touch I will be checking in...Your are loved and you will be ok I promise we all will..Take care and try to just relax and not beat yourself up about all of this...You did make the right decision for yourself for today maybe not for always but for today you did..!!!>.your friend Mystic

 

RE::: Mag

Posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 13:26:58

In reply to RE::: Mag » mystic, posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 10:47:11

Honey I am right there with you...I bailed on a picnic today because I was feeling anxious so I tried to make someething up about my stomach hurting, and then I finally said it was because I was having panic attacks..(mainly because Im hungover)BF says first you sick and now its panic attacks. Youre making it up. Youre making it up is the worst thing you could say or think. And I am getting married in two weeks. SOMEONE is going to have to learn that we are not making this up. Tell him about it, maybe he will understand better than mine...they just get mad becaus eit never happened to them. Hang in there. I am going to go be lazy and enjoy myself.

 

RE::: Anakin

Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 13:47:50

In reply to RE::: Mag, posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 13:26:58

Anakin you bad...hangover...I hate that it definately makes the anxiety worse..does your boyfriend usually understand?...me off to the grocery store that should be fun...not...mystic

 

RE::: Mag

Posted by Simus on May 30, 2004, at 14:35:34

In reply to RE::: Mag, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 13:01:24

Mag,

I feel so bad about your situation. I liked Mystic's message to you. If you try to explain this to your boyfriend and don't know how, I think I remember (not sure) that Paxil's makers put out a flier that included a section for the family/friends and it was good information to help them understand how depression/anxiety affects you. Maybe you can find it on line. I wish you the best, sweetie. It is bad enough that we have to face depression/anxiety. But then we have the way it affects everything in our lives too.

Keep us informed. I will be praying for you. God bless.

 

RE::: Mag

Posted by trucker on May 30, 2004, at 16:42:10

In reply to RE::: Mag, posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 13:26:58


to all, if your boy friends don't understand the situation, maybe they should head donw the raod... it is a real condition we have ..nothing made up.. it is a chemical imbalance and trying to get the meds at a good balance for each of us is a rough thing to do.. if i were dating and or getting married and they didn't understand i'd be postponing the wedding or telling em to hit the road jack!!!!

in the long run it will save you money and mentally!! a thought. i say things most wouldn't say for fear of hurting someones feelings... the truth, well it hurts sometimes, but is non the less true

trucker

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

> Honey I am right there with you...I bailed on a picnic today because I was feeling anxious so I tried to make someething up about my stomach hurting, and then I finally said it was because I was having panic attacks..(mainly because Im hungover)BF says first you sick and now its panic attacks. Youre making it up. Youre making it up is the worst thing you could say or think. And I am getting married in two weeks. SOMEONE is going to have to learn that we are not making this up. Tell him about it, maybe he will understand better than mine...they just get mad becaus eit never happened to them. Hang in there. I am going to go be lazy and enjoy myself.

 

increase

Posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 17:29:03

In reply to Redirected Lexaproers, posted by jlynne on March 13, 2004, at 1:31:16

:) thanks all you guys, you made me smile, it is hard explaining it to someone esp someone who you are afraid of losing but he needs to know this about me and i think it might be today that i tell him..or try to. thanks for the encouragement and trucker you are right, its so important for the bf;s to understand because they should be on your 'team' or so to speak, Mystic thats wonderful that you have such a careing husband, i feel a little better because my best friend took me out today to buy new sunglasses and go for a long country drive in this beautiful weather and listening to loud music. no wonder shes my best friend, we are great together.

anyway i am off to talk to the bf about this cause he is back from the track now...(:S)

love you all, :)

i'll check in later

ps i started my increase today..hopefully no side effects...too soon to tell.

Mag

 

Re: increase

Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 18:23:02

In reply to increase, posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 17:29:03

Hey Mag good for you for upping your dosage now dont worry because we are always here for you...I hope that it goes well with you bf and that he understands and can help you in your process... I'm also happy that you have a best friend that can pick you up and cheer you up..I have a lot of friends a lot but there are very few that can read my mind and know what I need at the time and help me get it..even if it is just to get my mind off things and stop me from beating myself up and that is what it sounds like that you have...I'm happy for you...could you just write a quick post to let us know how it all went tonight that would be greatly appreciated..take care my friend and take good care of yourself...Mystic

 

Re: increase

Posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 18:24:22

In reply to increase, posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 17:29:03

I feel better too. BF called to make sure I was ok...I used to not understand until it happened to me. My mom is on like 5 xanax a day and when we were younger and she would get upset wed say just pop a xanax....like it would make it all better. It doesnt always, and I now understand so much more about my mom. She didnt want me to go on medI htink because of ho addicted she probably is now...I am thinking about going back on paxil. That seemed to "work" better for me, I just am going to have to figure out something not to gain so much weight...lex has been great for that, I havent gained any just a five pound fluctuation..but I dont feel like it made me as stable.

 

RE:: anakin

Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 19:08:05

In reply to Re: increase, posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 18:24:22

Hey I can understand that I think that my mother had problems also but she never handled them very well she just abused her children...When I had melissa I became aware and I made sure that she knew that this is a sickness and illness a biological thing and there is also some things from it that are behavioral..my mother never showed us unconditional love I remember being afraid my whole life always afraid of what was going to happen when I woke in the morning and not knowing there is no excuse for that none at all..So I know that there is some chemical and some behavoral and I broke the cycle with my daughter I taught her not to be scared I taught her that no matter who it is they can cause you pain and they can do things to you that are not acceptible no one ever told me that and my mother knew about my abuse but because it was a family member I guess it was ok...But no more my daughter does have some anxiety and she knows to call me and I can calm her down and I have made her less afraid of meds than I am because I was brainwashed to think that meds where bad..but she knows if she needs them she can take them...I thank god for that...And I also do not blame myself because I know that I was the best mother for her and I know that I did everything right this time I broke the cycle..but it is in our genes sometimes..I appoligize for going on and on but just wanted to get it out....

I guess in a round about way I'm trying to say Anakin if your mother gave you what you needed and the most important thing is love and she had the same problems we have but still gave you unconditional love then you have to have total respect for her because that is what I try to do every day with melissa I try to make sure that she knows that she is loved and that I have some issues that I cannot help or change sometimes...I'm not sure I'm even making sense at this point....but i'm glad that your boyfriend understands that is huge and I hope that he will continue to help you ...as i have said sometimes just being with my husband in a stressful situtation I know that I can leave and I never have to..You are in my prayers and hope to talk to you soon...Hope that I didnt go on and on too much...mystic

 

Re: :(

Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 19:43:07

In reply to :(, posted by Magdalena on May 29, 2004, at 23:09:50

Oh honey I am so sorry that you are feeling so low. Please don't be too upset with yourself. You did what you felt was right for you and that is a good thing. I know that you are just trying to get yourself better. Hang in there and ease up on yourself. Love Ya! Mrs. C

 

RE::: Mag

Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 19:46:54

In reply to RE::: Mag » mystic, posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 10:47:11

I think the time has come to be honest with the bf. If he's the one, he will be there for you. He may not be able to understand but hopefully he will try to. Whatever happens, you're loved by all of us unconditionally!! Mrs. C

 

RE::: Mag

Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 19:52:41

In reply to RE::: Mag, posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 13:26:58

My husband has had to deal with my obsessions over illness for over 15 years now. He does not totally understand how much I worry but he does think that I am crazy (in a good way). He laughs alot at me. It has gotten to the point where I lock myself in the bathroom to read my medical books. This morning I probed my neck feeling my swollen gland and worrying that I had found another. I did this while locked in the bathroom pretending to shower. Not good! Noone really knows the depth of my troubles but you guys. This board is the only place I can be me without the fear of being laughed at. These are serious problems for all of us and the world is not equipped to understand what we go through. Thank God we have found eachother. I do every night. Love to you all, Mrs. C

 

Re: increase

Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 20:00:13

In reply to Re: increase, posted by Anakin on May 30, 2004, at 18:24:22

Hey Anakin, I am thinking of talking to my doc about another med also. Lexapro has really helped my anxiety but the OCD is killing me. I'm not sure if you've read my posts about finding a swollen gland in my neck. Well I did. My OCD causes me to obsess over these kinds of things and check myself over and over and over... You get the picture. I also will read medical books and search the web over and over... Anyway I haven't really had anything come up since starting Lex to obsess over so when this happened it was a true test for Lex. Well, I have been probing the neck over and over and checking the web, talking to anyone I can for their opinions etc. I went to the doc and she said it was not anything to worry about but here I am still driving myself nuts!!! I think that there must be something out there that can release me from this illness. I hope so anyway. Any thoughts anyone? Mrs. C

 

re; Mrs C

Posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 21:41:28

In reply to Re: increase, posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 20:00:13

Mrs C....The only thing that I can say is that you have to make sure the it is the lex that is making you still feel the intense feeling of obcesion..because I know that the paxil made me get over the anxiety per se..but I had no feelings at all and I had absolutely no sex drive and I gained 45lbs on it so it is all the willingness to get rid of the feelings and all the other things that go with it...I feel that you need to go through the therapy and try to get through what the reason is that makes you obsess about these things before you think about changing your meds..you told me about a wonderful day yesterday and i would give anything for that to happen to me...so I know how hard it is but please just try to put it into prospective as to what is real and what our minds give us to deal...I love you so much and just want you to be good all the time and if that means changing to another med then so be it but please just be sure...That is all I have to say...You are in my prayers and you are an angel to me...a true bonefid angel..god bless you and talk to you soon...your friend always Mystic

 

Mystic

Posted by Mrs. C on May 30, 2004, at 21:59:11

In reply to re; Mrs C, posted by mystic on May 30, 2004, at 21:41:28

Smooch!!! Love you. I know that you are right. I did have a great day yesterday without worry. Today was so different! I felt like a different person today. It really stinks and thanks for understanding. I do need to talk to my therapist badly and I plan to next week!!

I have been waiting to here from Mag to see how her night went with the bf. I think I will have to wait until tomorrow though. Very sleepy. Mrs. C

 

Re: increase » Magdalena

Posted by Simus on May 30, 2004, at 22:46:03

In reply to increase, posted by Magdalena on May 30, 2004, at 17:29:03

> i feel a little better because my best friend took me out today to buy new sunglasses and go for a long country drive in this beautiful weather and listening to loud music. no wonder shes my best friend, we are great together.

Thank God for friends who just "know" exactly what you need. =)


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