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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Adia on October 11, 2003, at 12:47:27
hi..been trying to put into words something and write a post but the words don't come out..
I've been sobbing like a child for the past hour and I can't stop..
I just was wondering if I could snuggle somewhere safe, hide somewhere safe, in a little corner here and just be safe and breathe and maybe get a hug...sorry for writing this, I know that things are not that well here on the board..
but I just can't stop crying here and I don't know how to stop the hurt inside..I am sending love and support all around too and wishing lots of healing to all...
Adia.
Posted by fallsfall on October 11, 2003, at 13:42:06
In reply to just wondering if there was anyone out there..? , posted by Adia on October 11, 2003, at 12:47:27
Stop crying... I'll hold you. Maybe we can borrow Hannah's rocking chair for a minute. Or I have one that used to be my grandmother's.
Close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Feel safe.
If you can't calm down, eat ice cream (my personal favorite), watch TV (TVLand worked for me on Thursday), take a nap with soft music on, distract yourself somehow, find a real live friend who will give you a hug (and share ice cream?), color/draw a picture (crayons smell really good), swing on the swings at a playground (where they have the metal frame and really long chains), blow bubbles.
Buy a copy of "The Women's Comfort Book" for more ideas.
When you are a little calmer, see if you can journal to find out what is bothering you. Or draw a picture. Or talk to yourself (or even someone else). Or post here.
Let me know if this doesn't help.
(((((Adia)))))
Posted by Adia on October 11, 2003, at 14:02:46
In reply to Re: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? » Adia, posted by fallsfall on October 11, 2003, at 13:42:06
Dear falls,
:*** Thank you so much for holding me and being here and sharing with me...
Just knowing you are here makes it easier to breathe...:**)
Thank you so much for the hug...
It really helps..
I love making bubbles and drawing..I'll try to journal or write a letter to my therapist, and maybe I'll just try to take a nap or watch a movie to stop the tears.
I just had a very moving hard t-session yesterday and I guess it is all out of control inside now, I could open up much more than before, but there were things I didn't say and now that hurts...I left feeling all this urgency inside. I called her yesterday and I got to talk to her and that helped..but next friday seems like an eternity away...
I will try to feel safe inside. I just feel hopeless and scared when I can't stop crying.
Thank you so much dear fallsfall for being here and for holding me...it does make me feel safer inside and my heart is no longer racing..
i'll try to take a nap with my kitty...that helps..and making bubbles too... :o)Thank you for being here...
OoOOoooOOOooo
sending you pretty bubbles and a safe hug too.(((fallsfall)))
Thank you..
Adia.> Stop crying... I'll hold you. Maybe we can borrow Hannah's rocking chair for a minute. Or I have one that used to be my grandmother's.
>
> Close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Feel safe.
>
> If you can't calm down, eat ice cream (my personal favorite), watch TV (TVLand worked for me on Thursday), take a nap with soft music on, distract yourself somehow, find a real live friend who will give you a hug (and share ice cream?), color/draw a picture (crayons smell really good), swing on the swings at a playground (where they have the metal frame and really long chains), blow bubbles.
>
> Buy a copy of "The Women's Comfort Book" for more ideas.
>
> When you are a little calmer, see if you can journal to find out what is bothering you. Or draw a picture. Or talk to yourself (or even someone else). Or post here.
>
> Let me know if this doesn't help.
>
> (((((Adia)))))
Posted by Dinah on October 11, 2003, at 14:41:45
In reply to just wondering if there was anyone out there..? , posted by Adia on October 11, 2003, at 12:47:27
That week can be so long. A nice nap often helps me. That and some self soothing, deep breaths, meditation, good music, silly movies.
I think it's great that you're being more open. Now your therapist just has to help you find ways to get through the week as well.
I'll be here, off and on.
Dinah
Posted by Kristen_03 on October 11, 2003, at 15:42:20
In reply to just wondering if there was anyone out there..? , posted by Adia on October 11, 2003, at 12:47:27
Hi Adia
I just wanted to make a suggestion to you that worked for me in between my visits with my counselor..When I would see her I would get her to write down affirmations about my pannic attacks.Such as things like "kristen youre not going crazy"ordinary panic disorder is what you have" "you wont loose control or die" "You will feel better again"
Just seeing these word from her in her writting helped me so much through some really dark moments when I wasnt able to see her or talk to her.It may sound really silly but It was very reassuring for me.There are so many people right here that care, and are right there with you,holding your hand,sharing your tears.I am one of them.You are never alone.Take care & God Bless
((((Adia))))
Kristen L
Posted by Ayla on October 11, 2003, at 17:08:17
In reply to just wondering if there was anyone out there..? , posted by Adia on October 11, 2003, at 12:47:27
LOTS AND LOTS OF BIG HUGS TO YOU ADIA!!!!!!!!
I hope you feel better soon and if you want to talk about I'm here.
Ayla
Posted by HannahW on October 11, 2003, at 22:44:08
In reply to just wondering if there was anyone out there..? , posted by Adia on October 11, 2003, at 12:47:27
Are you okay? Are you hurting that you didn't say everything you wanted to say? Is it that you KNEW you wanted to say them, but chose not to? Or that you didn't think to say them at the time, and now you wish you had?
Honestly, I think this is wonderful, wonderful news. Before, you were crying that you COULDN'T share, and now you're crying that you can't share enough. I know it's painfully turbulent, but I think you may be turning a corner! Hold on, it will be worth it.
Posted by Adia on October 12, 2003, at 0:42:57
In reply to Re: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? » Adia, posted by Dinah on October 11, 2003, at 14:41:45
Dear Dinah,
Thank you so much for reaching out to me..
I am having such a hard night.. but I'll hang on somehow. I'll ask my therapist next time to please help me think of ways to cope in b/sessions...and I'll try to share with her what doesn't let me breathe now..
Thank you for being here, I'll hang on...
Thank you for the encouragement :o) I do feel more hope now...
Hoping you are doing well and sending you love,
Adia.> That week can be so long. A nice nap often helps me. That and some self soothing, deep breaths, meditation, good music, silly movies.
>
> I think it's great that you're being more open. Now your therapist just has to help you find ways to get through the week as well.
>
> I'll be here, off and on.
>
> Dinah
Posted by Adia on October 12, 2003, at 0:45:28
In reply to Re: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? » Adia, posted by Kristen_03 on October 11, 2003, at 15:42:20
Hi...
Thank you for your post..and for sharing with me what worked for you..I will hang on till next friday somehow and I will try to ask my therapist to help me find ways to cope...
Thanks again for sharing with me!
Adia.
> Hi Adia
> I just wanted to make a suggestion to you that worked for me in between my visits with my counselor..When I would see her I would get her to write down affirmations about my pannic attacks.Such as things like "kristen youre not going crazy"ordinary panic disorder is what you have" "you wont loose control or die" "You will feel better again"
> Just seeing these word from her in her writting helped me so much through some really dark moments when I wasnt able to see her or talk to her.It may sound really silly but It was very reassuring for me.There are so many people right here that care, and are right there with you,holding your hand,sharing your tears.I am one of them.You are never alone.Take care & God Bless
> ((((Adia))))
>
> Kristen L
Posted by Adia on October 12, 2003, at 0:46:47
In reply to Re: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? , posted by Ayla on October 11, 2003, at 17:08:17
Hi Ayla :o)
Thank you so much for the hugs....I need them..
feeling a little safer now, thank you so much!!lots of support to you too,
Adia.> LOTS AND LOTS OF BIG HUGS TO YOU ADIA!!!!!!!!
> I hope you feel better soon and if you want to talk about I'm here.
> Ayla
Posted by Adia on October 12, 2003, at 0:57:34
In reply to Re: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? » Adia, posted by HannahW on October 11, 2003, at 22:44:08
Dear Hannah,
Thank you for reaching out to me and saying you think it's good news :o) Thank you so much for being here.
You are right that I am opening more to her and that's good :o) I just feel this urgency inside my heart, I couldn't tell her what I was feeling or things I really wanted to stop keeping secret, I just hinted at lots of things but couldn't go into them, but I will hold on :o) I do feel more hopeful with my therapist now and she told me she felt me trying hard...
I just feel so fragile after yesterday that I can't function or handle everyday things now, I've just burst into tears with my b/f and he's so tired of me (it's a long story but I have asked him to please give me some time to solve my deep fear of being touched by him and he's losing all his patience cause I panic all the time).
I will hang on till friday somehow and ask my therapist to help me think of ways to cope in b/sessions...
I just left our session yesterday feeling I was an 8 year-old trying to hide in the corner of the bathroom unable to run away and having to be there and get hurt. I felt it deeply in my body and heart, and I just couldn't tell her and it just scares me to lose control and feel in danger..
I am feeling safer now ..
Thank you SOOOOOOOOO much for being here...
iT means so much.
And thanks for helping me feel safer and more hopeful. :o) it's easy to lose hope but I am feeling more hopeful now with what you have shared.Thank you for being here, Hannah...
((((Hannah))))) safe hugs,
Adia.> Are you okay? Are you hurting that you didn't say everything you wanted to say? Is it that you KNEW you wanted to say them, but chose not to? Or that you didn't think to say them at the time, and now you wish you had?
>
> Honestly, I think this is wonderful, wonderful news. Before, you were crying that you COULDN'T share, and now you're crying that you can't share enough. I know it's painfully turbulent, but I think you may be turning a corner! Hold on, it will be worth it.
Posted by Adia on October 12, 2003, at 1:04:21
In reply to just wondering if there was anyone out there..? , posted by Adia on October 11, 2003, at 12:47:27
Posted by HannahW on October 12, 2003, at 1:42:40
In reply to Re: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? » HannahW, posted by Adia on October 12, 2003, at 0:57:34
Does your therapist know about the abuse? Or is it the details that are hard to share? Or something else altogether?
I don't mean to pry, and you don't have to answer. I just wanted to share that from my experience, speaking about the unspeakable *really* reduced the power that it had over me. It's the secrecy that makes it feel so bad.
How much does your boyfriend know? How long have you been with him? This trail could lead into things you might not want to post publicly. If you feel like talking about it more, you can e-mail me at hannahbabble at hotmail.com (Use the @ symbol). Heck, even if you don't feel like talking about this particular subject, write me anyway! I'd like to get to know you better.
I know it's a long time until Friday. Try, try, try to distract yourself with something. Anything.
Posted by fallsfall on October 12, 2003, at 13:00:42
In reply to Re: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? » HannahW, posted by Adia on October 12, 2003, at 0:57:34
Adia,
When there were things that I couldn't get my mouth to say, I would write about them (my fingers are braver than my mouth) and the next session I could either talk about it (because it lost some of it's terror when I wrote), or I could read the writing to her, or (when I was still completely terrified) I would give the paper to her for her to read. That way the subject got out in the open and I could usually talk about it from there.
But in the middle of a sessions, there were times when I would sit there and know what the words were that I wanted to say, but they wouldn't come out of my mouth. Other times, the concept was in my head, but I couldn't put words to it.
In my last session, I had to close my eyes before I could speak.
So you are really not alone in finding it hard to talk.
I agree with Hannah that if you have been abused that talking about it will help your therapist to help you. You shouldn't have to be alone with things like that. [I just noticed your subject for this thread: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? - people are out here (your therapist, Babble, friends, family), but you are the only one who can let us in.]
(((((Adia)))))
Posted by Ayla on October 12, 2003, at 17:54:22
In reply to Re: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? , posted by Ayla on October 11, 2003, at 17:08:17
Hi Adia I just wanted to check on you and see if you are feeling any better today, I hope you are if not here : TONS AND TONS OF HUGE SUPPORTIVE HUGS TO YOU!!!! Okay that might be kind of silly but I hope it made ya smile. Have a good day! :)
Ayla
Posted by Adia on October 13, 2003, at 0:04:20
In reply to Re: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? » Adia, posted by fallsfall on October 12, 2003, at 13:00:42
Dear Falls,
Thank you..so much...
That touched my heart, I do want to let you all in..I truly do.
(((((falls))))))
My therapist always tells me that I beg her to please help me and don't leave me in the dark and when she reaches out I don't accept that help..
But now I am really trying to take risks and open my heart...
Thank you for your suggestions.. I have written a letter to my therapist, and I will try to do as you have shared, and read it to her and start from there next time so I can face it...Thank you for sharing with me what helped and helps you...
I draw...so that helps me find a way too to say something I can't say in words.
I am truly trying now to stop hiding or stop protecting myself, I gave a drawing to my T the last time and it was a way to tell her and now she knows a little more and she knows I don't want to keep secrets anymore...Thanks for saying I shouldn't be alone with that.
I am trying to feel I do deserve to talk and feel closer or more connected to people.
I am trying to trust and let people closer..
Thank you for reaching out to me and accepting me...
It means so much to me.
Lots of support to you,
Adia.
>
> So you are really not alone in finding it hard to talk.
>
> I agree with Hannah that if you have been abused that talking about it will help your therapist to help you. You shouldn't have to be alone with things like that. [I just noticed your subject for this thread: just wondering if there was anyone out there..? - people are out here (your therapist, Babble, friends, family), but you are the only one who can let us in.]
>
> (((((Adia)))))
Posted by Adia on October 13, 2003, at 0:06:27
In reply to Re: just wondering.. To: Adia, posted by Ayla on October 12, 2003, at 17:54:22
Hi Ayla :o)
You've made me smile...
Thank you so much for reaching out to me and sending me hugs :o)
I'm feeling a little better now...
Thanks..
sending you a hug too in case you need one !
(((Ayla)))Adia.
> Hi Adia I just wanted to check on you and see if you are feeling any better today, I hope you are if not here : TONS AND TONS OF HUGE SUPPORTIVE HUGS TO YOU!!!! Okay that might be kind of silly but I hope it made ya smile. Have a good day! :)
> Ayla
Posted by Adia on October 13, 2003, at 0:18:40
In reply to Adia, posted by HannahW on October 12, 2003, at 1:42:40
Dear Hannah,
Hi..
Thank you for your message..and for saying I could write to you! :o)
I am feeling a little better cause I got through the weekend and weekends are the hardest.
Thank you so much for your support and acceptance..
My therapists knows some about the abuse, I have never verbalized it or talked about it openly, I drew about it or wrote to her trying to share..I find it hard to talk about it but what I struggle to tell her is what I feel now..I fear she will think I am going crazy..and I fear not knowing how to handle the feelings...I am trying somehow to let her in and share from my heart.
You are right that speaking about the unspeakable does reduce the power..the secrecy is the worst. It brings shame and it does feel overwhelming to feel alone with something that hurts so much.
I am trying to take the risk and start naming things..she says it's as though I were a child learning to speak...learning to name things...
learning that I have the right to tell and talk and feel..Thank you for being here and understanding...
Thank you for sharing with me.i've been with my b/f for 3 years now and he knows just the basics...but struggles with the consequences..he has tried to read and help, but he is getting frustrated and I feel lost cause I truly can't stand that pressure :-(
Thank you so much again for being here and giving me your mail address..You are a wonderful person..
I am feeling more hopeful now and knowing you are there helped so much this weekend.
I hope you are feeling well....
I am sending you lots of love and support,
Adia.
> How much does your boyfriend know? How long have you been with him? This trail could lead into things you might not want to post publicly. If you feel like talking about it more, you can e-mail me at hannahbabble at hotmail.com (Use the @ symbol). Heck, even if you don't feel like talking about this particular subject, write me anyway! I'd like to get to know you better.
>
> I know it's a long time until Friday. Try, try, try to distract yourself with something. Anything.
Posted by HannahW on October 13, 2003, at 0:50:40
In reply to Re: Adia » HannahW, posted by Adia on October 13, 2003, at 0:18:40
I do wish you'd write to me, because there are things I want to share with you that I don't want to post publicly. Not that I want to exclude the friends I've made here--I'd gladly share with them too--it's the other 6 billion people in the world I'd rather not include.
BUT--the fact that you didn't write to me tells me that sex is probably too tender an issue for you. I will respect your space. I almost became a sex therapist, so as you can imagine, I have no trouble at all talking about it. But I understand that a lot of people do.
Your boyfriend sounds like a gem to be patient for 3 years. He clearly really loves you. And why wouldn't he?! You are a love. And although you talk about it being hard to share your heart, I see an amazing amount of tenderness in you. You've made yourself so vulnerable to me and others here on Babble, I just want to hug you.
(((Adia)))
H
Posted by Adia on October 13, 2003, at 11:46:17
In reply to Re: Adia » Adia, posted by HannahW on October 13, 2003, at 0:50:40
Dear Hannah,
:*** )
Thank you...so much..
I felt your hug and I feel safety in my heart...
Thank you for making me smile and bringing hope to my heart today.
Thank you so much for your message.
I've sent you an e-mail sharing my e-mail address.. :o) Hope you get it...?
(i sent it from the address I usually use, I didn't open a special one, I hope you get it?
or maybe there is a mistake in your address and that's why it didn't get through?)
let me know...
Thank you for being willing to share with me..that means a lot...
sex for me is something I wish I could live without for the rest of my life..
I do feel my b/f loves me but he finds it really hard and frustrating to understand and feel that someday somehow it will be ok..but so far I panic and can't be with him and if I do, I feel awful afterwards and I find it hard to handle the consequences..
It brings shame to talk about these things :o(
that's why I find it hard...Thank you so much for inviting me to write to you..
and for the hug today :**)
that brought a sense of safety,
lots of love to you,
Adia.
> I do wish you'd write to me, because there are things I want to share with you that I don't want to post publicly. Not that I want to exclude the friends I've made here--I'd gladly share with them too--it's the other 6 billion people in the world I'd rather not include.
>
> BUT--the fact that you didn't write to me tells me that sex is probably too tender an issue for you. I will respect your space. I almost became a sex therapist, so as you can imagine, I have no trouble at all talking about it. But I understand that a lot of people do.
>
> Your boyfriend sounds like a gem to be patient for 3 years. He clearly really loves you. And why wouldn't he?! You are a love. And although you talk about it being hard to share your heart, I see an amazing amount of tenderness in you. You've made yourself so vulnerable to me and others here on Babble, I just want to hug you.
>
> (((Adia)))
>
> H
Posted by HannahW on October 13, 2003, at 12:05:41
In reply to Re: Adia » HannahW, posted by Adia on October 13, 2003, at 11:46:17
I did get your e-mail, and I responded. Let me know if that doesn't come through. :)
H
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