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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wendy b. on July 24, 2002, at 21:13:48
Hi all,
Here's something I may have mentioned to some of you off-line, to see what you thought. I gave my ex-boyfriend information on Dr Bob's site, specifically the meds board, since we both were diagnosed with bipolar about 18 months ago, and we were on the same meds, etc. He surprised me a while back by telling me he had been tracking my messages on PSB, and I was a little sickened, knowing some of my posts were personal, about my love life, etc.
I thought he had lost interest in that, but he told me about a week ago that he's still reading my messages on the board, and I wondered if anyone would be kind enough to share their perceptions about it. Why he does this, I don't know - to find out about me, keep an eye on me, etc. Why else do you think he would?
I won't be the judge, I'd like my friends, and people who don't know me, too, sure, to weigh in on this type of behavior. You may suggest that I change my screen name, but that has its disadvantages in terms of people knowing it's me posting, and not someone new... We could debate that, but I'd appreciate comments on the lurking behavior itself.
Thank you,
Wendy
Posted by mscrane on July 24, 2002, at 21:23:46
In reply to Lurking ex-boyfriend, posted by wendy b. on July 24, 2002, at 21:13:48
He sounds kind of sick, and I don't blame you for being kind of nervous...mind you, he really can't do anything with the info he gets here...and if he starts to stalk you, my advice would be to call the police. Hopefully he'll move on...and get over it..he tells you he's doing it, so maybe he is trying to freak you out...don't let him!
Good luck to you, and I hope this guy gets a life!
Posted by Greg on July 24, 2002, at 21:51:53
In reply to Lurking ex-boyfriend, posted by wendy b. on July 24, 2002, at 21:13:48
Wendy, Wendy, Wendy....
What WERE you thinking girl? This is your sanctuary. You should never give it out to a SO. There's always going to be a time where you're going to need to talk about them, bad or good, and you want that kept private between you and the other thousand friends you have here :)
My suggestion would be to keep your screen name unless it gets to uncomfortable for you. You can always change it and then e-mail all your friends (I'll make sure you have mine) and let them know what you changed it to.
As far as the lurking goes, man I just think it's sick. Is this guy over you? I don't want to freak you out but I really hope he's just screwing around. If he had really let go of the relationship, why would he care what you're posting? I mean I'm sure you're like a total babe and all (sorry, I have to throw in a sexist comment about once a year), but I'd watch this guy real close.
Maybe you ought to give that name change some thought....
Love to you and the little one,
Greg> Hi all,
>
> Here's something I may have mentioned to some of you off-line, to see what you thought. I gave my ex-boyfriend information on Dr Bob's site, specifically the meds board, since we both were diagnosed with bipolar about 18 months ago, and we were on the same meds, etc. He surprised me a while back by telling me he had been tracking my messages on PSB, and I was a little sickened, knowing some of my posts were personal, about my love life, etc.
>
> I thought he had lost interest in that, but he told me about a week ago that he's still reading my messages on the board, and I wondered if anyone would be kind enough to share their perceptions about it. Why he does this, I don't know - to find out about me, keep an eye on me, etc. Why else do you think he would?
>
> I won't be the judge, I'd like my friends, and people who don't know me, too, sure, to weigh in on this type of behavior. You may suggest that I change my screen name, but that has its disadvantages in terms of people knowing it's me posting, and not someone new... We could debate that, but I'd appreciate comments on the lurking behavior itself.
>
> Thank you,
>
> Wendy
Posted by ShelliR on July 24, 2002, at 21:54:54
In reply to Lurking ex-boyfriend, posted by wendy b. on July 24, 2002, at 21:13:48
Hi Wendy,
If someone I had once felt close to, was posting about their life on a board, I'll probably read it also. It is not perverse to be curious.This isn't just about lurking, though. If it was just curiosity or interest in you, he would lurk without letting you know. I think this has more to do with anger; he wants you to know that your privacy is being compromised. He must want you to feel uncomfortable.
Have you asked him why he's doing it; AND why he's telling you?
Shelli
Posted by Bobby on July 24, 2002, at 22:07:36
In reply to Re: Lurking ex-boyfriend » wendy b., posted by ShelliR on July 24, 2002, at 21:54:54
you know what? you're pretty smart--I agree with your analysis.
Posted by Phil on July 24, 2002, at 22:20:09
In reply to Re: Lurking ex-boyfriend » wendy b., posted by ShelliR on July 24, 2002, at 21:54:54
I'd cut any contact with him now. Don't talk to him. The best way to dump a boyfriend is to let him know it's final. Everytime you talk to him, he thinks he's got a shot. I hate getting dumped and never talked to again but it is effective.
Change your screen name asap and we can post our emails so you can send it out.
Don't ask yourself why he does this. It doesn't matter. Set some very clear and distinct boundaries and if he crosses them, call the police. Don't give him the opportunity to play mind games.
Posted by jane d on July 25, 2002, at 13:45:38
In reply to Lurking ex-boyfriend, posted by wendy b. on July 24, 2002, at 21:13:48
Wendy,
I don't think it's abnormal to keep track of what ex friends or girlfriends are doing. I stay curious about the lives of everyone I've known. And you thought at the time that this person would have his own reasons to find the board interesting. You haven't really lost much more privacy than if your ex was a member of a group of mutual friends who would fill you in on each others doings. This is a public place. It may be a good idea to keep out of your posts anything that you can't stand the idea of a friend potentially knowing.I'm not saying I'd like it myself. I don't tell anyone that I post here and I'm not that open about what I do post for just that reason. But you don't sound like you feel threatened either so I think that stalker scenarios are premature.
Did you tell him that it bothered you? Or is that the point of this thread?
Jane
PS On rereading I realize I sound unsympathetic. I'm really not. It would bother me like crazy if I were in your shoes.
Posted by shar on July 27, 2002, at 18:12:09
In reply to Re: Lurking ex-boyfriend » wendy b., posted by Greg on July 24, 2002, at 21:51:53
That was pretty lame for an annual sexist comment. I think you deserve another try.
8-)
Posted by shar on July 27, 2002, at 18:24:47
In reply to Re: Lurking ex-boyfriend » wendy b., posted by jane d on July 25, 2002, at 13:45:38
I am also the very curious (nosy) type, and would probably keep reading posts from my ex if that situation had occurred and I'd gotten his psycho-name. I think the point of concern for me is that he tells you about it, and after such a long time.
You are probably the best one to judge whether he is potentially dangerous or just nosy with time on his hands. The telling you about it, I think, is probably just a power play, something to knock you off balance and feel like he has the upper hand for the moment. Especially if he has some hard feelings about the olden days.
Like Shelli said, it is similar to sharing a circle of friends...he could bump into you at the movies and say, 'oh, XYZ told me you were doing abcdefg again' just to get your goat.
HOWEVER the SLIGHTEST hint of danger from him, or the slightest hint of Mania, and I say change your name immediately regardless of the fact that others will have to be notified. Be very careful if you think he might harass you or hurt you, and involve the police BEFORE you need them.
Shar
This is the end of the thread.
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