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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 14:38:48
Four days without sleep? I do think you are having withdrawals and should call your backup clinic immediately. I know you wanted to wait for superdoc to come back, but...
It may not feel that bad to you now, but trust me, in a few days it's not going to be pretty. (Unless you are the rare individual who lands softly).
Take care of yourself and insist that those with the responsibility to do so take care of you too.
Dinah
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 15:59:53
In reply to Gabbi, sweetie..., posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 14:38:48
I feel like Hell and kept attempting to post you a message, but then thought how rude because I might not be able to reply. Really, I'm being serious your timing is amazing. I finally manage to perform the onerous task of turning on the computer and there you were. I wish I could be so conscientous.
Yes I was going to go to the Doctors today, not for any "pam" drugs, but for something to help me sleep (no I do not land softly) But you see, My dear Mother who is angry at me for being in the hospital (yes) and "putting her through this" purposefully did not tell me that the disability office called while I was in the hospital, and wanted a receipt from me or they would not be direct depositing my cheque.
So yesterday, I actually went to the store, was happy to think at least I'll be able to get some coffee, and soap, and a desperately needed haircut, and felt almost "normal"
Until I went to pay and there was no money in my account. So no prescription for me, no bus fare to go to my mothers, have to wait for My poor father to drive me, am having sobbing fits of guilt for my poor father who should not have to bail me out constantly because my Mother is cruel, especially at my age.Now, the blessed man, feels like he should not go on "holidays" to see his dying sister, as he'd planned 6 months ago, because he is so worried about me. He had decided to let me stay here while he was gone,but its an awful "over 60" complex with a committee that has to approve everything including what color flowers people plant on their identical porches.
Oh and yesterday there was the powdered laundry detergent scandal, which required 4 type written letters to the "committee" Some poor unwary person commited the sin of using powdered soap not liquid and you has the potential to clog the drains because of all the fillers in it and my goodness who would be the person responsible for paying the plumber should this occur...So you can only imagine what would happen If he left and I stayed here even if I was practically invisible nevermind if I have to leave in the middle of the night to go to the hospital. Oh I wish I was joking. You should have seen what happened last time I visited and encouraged the proliferation of rabbits, by feeding a little wild one a piece of celery I was overjoyed to see something "Alive" especially seeing there is only about a 2 foot cube of grass, the rest is cement.I feel awful for my Dad, he deserves his holiday and I wish I could just "get better" but I can't. I look on deaths door and I see the concern on his face and it breaks my heart.
I'm sorry,Dinah, I was afraid this would happen, and now if I put How are You? at the end of this it would look like a joke but I've been reading your posts and I do care, actually I was hoping I could pretend to invite you over, and you could pretend that you couldn't make it today, but maybe next week.....
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 15:59:53
In reply to Gabbi, sweetie..., posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 14:38:48
I feel like Hell and kept attempting to post you a message, but then thought how rude because I might not be able to reply. Really, I'm being serious your timing is amazing. I finally manage to perform the onerous task of turning on the computer and there you were. I wish I could be so conscientous.
Yes I was going to go to the Doctors today, not for any "pam" drugs, but for something to help me sleep (no I do not land softly) But you see, My dear Mother who is angry at me for being in the hospital (yes) and "putting her through this" purposefully did not tell me that the disability office called while I was in the hospital, and wanted a receipt from me or they would not be direct depositing my cheque.
So yesterday, I actually went to the store, was happy to think at least I'll be able to get some coffee, and soap, and a desperately needed haircut, and felt almost "normal"
Until I went to pay and there was no money in my account. So no prescription for me, no bus fare to go to my mothers, have to wait for My poor father to drive me, am having sobbing fits of guilt for my poor father who should not have to bail me out constantly because my Mother is cruel, especially at my age.Now, the blessed man, feels like he should not go on "holidays" to see his dying sister, as he'd planned 6 months ago, because he is so worried about me. He had decided to let me stay here while he was gone,but its an awful "over 60" complex with a committee that has to approve everything including what color flowers people plant on their identical porches.
Oh and yesterday there was the powdered laundry detergent scandal, which required 4 type written letters to the "committee" Some poor unwary person commited the sin of using powdered soap not liquid and you has the potential to clog the drains because of all the fillers in it and my goodness who would be the person responsible for paying the plumber should this occur...So you can only imagine what would happen If he left and I stayed here even if I was practically invisible nevermind if I have to leave in the middle of the night to go to the hospital. Oh I wish I was joking. You should have seen what happened last time I visited and encouraged the proliferation of rabbits, by feeding a little wild one a piece of celery I was overjoyed to see something "Alive" especially seeing there is only about a 2 foot cube of grass, the rest is cement.I feel awful for my Dad, he deserves his holiday and I wish I could just "get better" but I can't. I look on deaths door and I see the concern on his face and it breaks my heart.
I'm sorry,Dinah, I was afraid this would happen, and now if I put How are You? at the end of this it would look like a joke but I've been reading your posts and I do care, actually I was hoping I could pretend to invite you over, and you could pretend that you couldn't make it today, but maybe next week.....
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 16:26:00
In reply to Re: Gabbi, sweetie...Bless you Dinah, posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 15:59:53
Posted by tina on July 25, 2002, at 16:30:31
In reply to Oh I've gone and done it again^^^^^^^^ (nm), posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 16:26:00
Your double posts are one of the fun little quirks I've come to know and love Gabbi!! Keep it up.....it makes me smile :)
I'm off for the weekend. Gram is turning 80 years young. She's amazing!
take care Gabbi
T
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 16:43:26
In reply to Re: Oh I've gone and done it again^^^^^^^^ » Gabbi, posted by tina on July 25, 2002, at 16:30:31
Oh Tina
Thank-you, did you see that I was enquiring about you earlier? Glad to see you are still here (even if you are not always) Why do I feel as if my mind has become occupied with the spirit of Lewis Caroll, except I don't have a penchant for little girls.Could it be because Alice had a cat named Dinah?
I didn't like alice in Wonderland I thought it was frightening, all these things talking and not making sense, It was too realistic.Anyways as you can see, If I can't even post properly how could I possibly live here for a month without accidentally tripping off some sort of "Situation" Its not like they have a list of Rules to be followed anywhere, and I can't read the minds of people who could get so upset about laundry soap, I could just as easily slip into the mind of a serial killler.
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 19:16:14
In reply to Re: Oh I've gone and done it again Dinah Tina » tina, posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 16:43:26
How does he do it... I am so lucky. Today the 24hr drugstore I'm within walking distance from just called ME. Superdoc came back from holidays, and I presume, saw that my hospital Doc, didn't give me any clonazepam. So the drugstore said he'd called in a prescription for two valium "just in case"
I haven't even seen him for over a year, and I've switched adresses 8 times and lived in 3 different cities since then.Amazing, though its hard to believe his been a "sufferer" it has to be true.
Posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 19:32:57
In reply to Oh he is Super doc.Psychic Psychiatrist, posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 19:16:14
I can't even imagine that! So you should be able to get through to your appointment?
:) :) :)
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 20:05:30
In reply to Re: What a guy! » Gabbi, posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 19:32:57
Yes I think so, and of course, just knowing that they are there is enough so that now I feel like I can get through this without them. I think he knew that.
Dinah thank-you for being you.
and I feel hokey saying this because you said it first but 'tis very true, Ilove the way your mind works too. Thats why you were the first person whose conversation I galloped into.
Posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 20:19:31
In reply to Re: What a guy! » Gabbi, posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 20:05:30
I've just been sitting here deciding how likely I am to try to kill myself tonight, and I see such a nice post.
I asked for a sign, I wonder if this is it?
Of course I just got a call from another of the many people I'm letting down. I guess I could see that as a sign too.
Thanks Gabbi.
Dinah
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 20:31:46
In reply to Re: You must be psychic too » Gabbi, posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 20:19:31
Please, don't. Oh I know it doesn't do much, but from the bottom of my heart I mean it I've never felt I had a Kindred spirit over the internet, and I haven't felt like I've had one in my 'other' life for years. I think about your messages and smile like I've had a real talk with someone special. Oh now that sounds selfish, but how could you possibly make it for tea and Klonop,I mean crumpets next week if you did that?
I'm going to be up late, and checking in, so please as you said, 'sound the Sos" even when you just want to raise the white flag.
Did something in particular happen? I mean I don't even no what your proper title is? I'm Cyclical progressive refractory major depressive Miss borderline traits. Who are you?
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 20:31:47
In reply to Re: You must be psychic too » Gabbi, posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 20:19:31
Please, don't. Oh I know it doesn't do much, but from the bottom of my heart I mean it I've never felt I had a Kindred spirit over the internet, and I haven't felt like I've had one in my 'other' life for years. I think about your messages and smile like I've had a real talk with someone special. Oh now that sounds selfish, but how could you possibly make it for tea and Klonop,I mean crumpets next week if you did that?
I'm going to be up late, and checking in, so please as you said, 'sound the Sos" even when you just want to raise the white flag.
Did something in particular happen? I mean I don't even no what your proper title is? I'm Cyclical progressive refractory major depressive Miss borderline traits. Who are you?
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 20:39:54
In reply to Re Dinah?, posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 20:31:47
When you said you read such a nice message, which part did you mean? The one about my dying aunt, or my cruel mother... :):):) hugs,
oh and who would appreciate my anguished enlish?
Oh words are so useless
Please S.O.S if you are even temptedI think I have one positive thought left and I'm going to send it to you.
Posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 20:40:14
In reply to Re Dinah?, posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 20:31:47
I'm sorry Gabbi. I didn't mean to distress you. I think I'm just hitting the post hypomanic low.
I'm officially obsessive compulsive disorder with a bit of cyclothymia thrown in.
I would miss tea and crumpets. :)
It's just that everyone the last couple of days is letting me know just how much I'm letting them down. And they are right. I haven't been all here for at least a month, and I've been pretty unreliable even before then. And I really hate being a bad girl. My therapist tells me to just start doing the things I'm supposed to do and I won't feel so bad (during an hysterical call with him today), Well thank you very much, Mr. Wisdom. I hadn't thought of that myself. I just wonder if I will ever be the wife/mother/employee I should be.
But I really don't mean to worry you Gabbi. I think my guilt will always keep me from making that decision. Maybe I'm just daydreaming it today. (That plus a brand new full bottle of Klonopin).
Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 21:37:00
In reply to Re: Re Dinah? » Gabbi, posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 20:40:14
Therapists can be amazing can't they? I was snooping at the messages and saw that Ted's had told him to call him if his depression got worse.
Well I don't know about everyone but if I "knew" it was depression 1/2 the battle would be over. I just start thinking everything is scary and hopeless miserable.Don't feel you need to respond to this
Please, thats one obligation you don't need.
Funny, sometimes I have to allow myself to ponder suicide as a sort of way of keeping from doing it. Is that what you meant by daydreaming.I think the family obligation friend guilt is excruciating. I've gotten a triple dose of it this week. Mostly it just makes me feel like such a burden, sometimes I get so sad and frustrated though, I mean I don't call them to tell them how dreadful I feel,or because I want money.
They call ME and then get angry because I'm not
"better yet" and if I would just take advantage of all that "mystical" help "out there" I would be fixed. And then I fall apart in front of my Dad, because that always pushes me to the brink, because I'm LIVING the frustration of trying to find help, and a home, and friends, in amongst a million medication changes, through the depression.
Then I feel awful for my Dad because he's for the most part "the good guy" so he gets to bear all the pain and bail me out when I get denied grocery benefits or something for some stupid reason. But for him I can't stand it its so unfair, because he has a heart and sees what I'm doing and trying he gets shafted. Then I want to kill myself but don't because that would be worse to him, but I don't want to stay alive and continue sucking the life from him if my situation doesn't Improve.Oh Dinah, Please unless you need 'contact" please don't feel compelled to answer this, I don't have a therapist and I just needed to get that out, and say God I know how you feel about thinking you are letting everyone down..And it doesn't have the same therapeutic effect if I don't 'send it'
I'm glad you can make it for tea next week,
I'd miss you awfully,
though I'm sorry its only your guilt keeping you here today.Wish i could say something magical,
Gabbi
Posted by Dinah on July 26, 2002, at 12:15:02
In reply to Re: Gabbi, sweetie...Bless you Dinah, posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 15:59:53
Give me a bit to clear my head, and then you and I and dreamer and whoever else can put our collective heads together and evaluate alternatives for you and dreamer.
There has to be something. And if all else fails I'll put my mother on the problem. That woman is a steamroller, and manages to come up with a way to get whatever she wants. (Just ask my dad)
Posted by Gabbi on July 27, 2002, at 0:07:55
In reply to Re: Gabbi, sweetie... » Gabbi, posted by Dinah on July 26, 2002, at 12:15:02
Its the "psychic" link again, I'd already written a note to you saying, I feel like there is a crowd of people and a band of Hare Krishna's in my head...I need silence AHHHHHH.
I added a quiet poem for also because It's one that makes me sigh.. in wonder and beauty of it.
Gets rid of all that clatter and chatter.Somehow though its a clattery chattery day because my computer ruined the "silence' part by posting a part of the poem I'd deleted twice ruining the whole effect.
And somehow, the proper one was posted in "Dreamers" post name. Which she very kindly pointed out. Now it just looks like more muck at the bottom of the P.b board just more GABBI GABBI GABBIMaybe if you find the "proper For Dinah" heading after wading through the mess, and read it twice..
then it might work
AHHHH.....
This is the end of the thread.
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