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Re: Re Dinah? » Gabbi

Posted by Gabbi on July 25, 2002, at 21:37:00

In reply to Re: Re Dinah? » Gabbi, posted by Dinah on July 25, 2002, at 20:40:14

Therapists can be amazing can't they? I was snooping at the messages and saw that Ted's had told him to call him if his depression got worse.
Well I don't know about everyone but if I "knew" it was depression 1/2 the battle would be over. I just start thinking everything is scary and hopeless miserable.

Don't feel you need to respond to this
Please, thats one obligation you don't need.
Funny, sometimes I have to allow myself to ponder suicide as a sort of way of keeping from doing it. Is that what you meant by daydreaming.

I think the family obligation friend guilt is excruciating. I've gotten a triple dose of it this week. Mostly it just makes me feel like such a burden, sometimes I get so sad and frustrated though, I mean I don't call them to tell them how dreadful I feel,or because I want money.
They call ME and then get angry because I'm not
"better yet" and if I would just take advantage of all that "mystical" help "out there" I would be fixed. And then I fall apart in front of my Dad, because that always pushes me to the brink, because I'm LIVING the frustration of trying to find help, and a home, and friends, in amongst a million medication changes, through the depression.
Then I feel awful for my Dad because he's for the most part "the good guy" so he gets to bear all the pain and bail me out when I get denied grocery benefits or something for some stupid reason. But for him I can't stand it its so unfair, because he has a heart and sees what I'm doing and trying he gets shafted. Then I want to kill myself but don't because that would be worse to him, but I don't want to stay alive and continue sucking the life from him if my situation doesn't Improve.

Oh Dinah, Please unless you need 'contact" please don't feel compelled to answer this, I don't have a therapist and I just needed to get that out, and say God I know how you feel about thinking you are letting everyone down..And it doesn't have the same therapeutic effect if I don't 'send it'

I'm glad you can make it for tea next week,
I'd miss you awfully,
though I'm sorry its only your guilt keeping you here today.

Wish i could say something magical,
Gabbi


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