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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Greg on April 13, 2002, at 0:50:11
In reply to Sar's Funeral/Memorial Service?, posted by Shar on April 12, 2002, at 21:58:14
I now this is an extremely tough time for many right now, but if there is any info that can be shared it would be appreciated. I am a horribly slow typist and don't really go in for the chat thing and kind of feel left out right now.
Many thanks,
Greg
Posted by BlueJay Bird on April 13, 2002, at 2:17:50
In reply to Re: Sar's Funeral/Memorial Service?, posted by Greg on April 13, 2002, at 0:50:11
Posted by Willow on April 13, 2002, at 7:03:39
In reply to Re: Sar's Funeral/Memorial Service?, posted by Greg on April 13, 2002, at 0:50:11
Greg
You are in my thoughts often, do you feel your ears ringing. Why don't you come to chat and just listen, no need to type. Your prescence would be welcome, and the our chat is usually fairly slow paced, except when i start carrying on.
Will be expecting you,
Whistling Willow
Posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 8:38:54
In reply to Community, posted by Willow on April 13, 2002, at 7:03:39
Here are a few things trouble emailed me-I hope she doesn't mind me posting this.
I was an hour late, couldn't find the church. It seems like she had a really cool and loving community of misfits, I didn't see any gangsters or thugs, most what I saw looked like regular, arty, coffee-house kids, they spoke fondly and well of her. No one was crying or falling apart, except me.
At the podium I explained thru sobs that I represented an on-line community made up of many people who loved Stacey very very much, mentioned her favorite poem, told em to look it up, and finished w/the opening lines of the Bob Dylan tune that you ask me pretty much sums the whole thing up; She Belongs To Me:
"She got....
Everything
She needs.She's an Artist.
She.
Don't.
Look .
...Back"<snip>
I asked someone what the parents said at the podium; they wished they would have been more tolerant, and understood the creative lifestyle better.
BTW, Sar's Mother knows all about Sar and PSB, has read her posts, she laughed, said they were "sparkling", also she said Sar has been going by that name since she was a kid.Sar's father singled me out, it took a long time to admit to myself who this jovial, cheery man was, but he sat for an hour w/ me, talking almost non-stop from a land of make-believe. I said about 5 sentences the whole time, after listening politely to him talk about Hemingway, Faulkner, artists, short stories....
What does any of this have to do w/ your daughter?
And it went right passed him, he didn't even pause in his narrative, but he was holding my gaze, and leaning into me, he wanted to connect, so whenever I could get a word in, I connected.
"I'm not here to talk about William Burroughs"
No pause, nothing, just continuing on w/how Burroughs put an apple on Joan's had took a gun and shot her in the face. He was smiling.
At one point I yelled I'm not here to talk about William Burroughs, I'm here to talk about the tragic end of my friend, Stacey.
"Oh! Stacey! She loved that Bukowski didn't she, the first time I saw a picture of him I says to myself 'this man has suffered.' I first read him in '86..."from robin
Posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 8:55:01
In reply to Re: Sar's funeral...from trouble, posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 8:38:54
This detail broke my heart:
He said he would get us a picture, I said take your time and gave him my email. The most recent photos I saw of Sar reminded me a little of Winona Ryder, sweet, impish, waiflike.
Posted by Shar on April 13, 2002, at 10:42:56
In reply to Re: Sar's funeral...from trouble, posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 8:55:01
Posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 11:03:49
In reply to Thanks, Phil (nm), posted by Shar on April 13, 2002, at 10:42:56
trouble asked me if i could tell if Stacey's father could be helped. It almost sounded like a child like request. (Don't mean that negatively)
I don't have a clue.Shar, It's a beautiful day here today. I need to force myself to walk in the sun before the temps jump to 106 degrees.
Posted by shelliR on April 13, 2002, at 14:16:33
In reply to Re: Sar's funeral...from trouble, posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 8:38:54
> No one was crying or falling apart, except me.
>
> At the podium I explained thru sobs that I represented an on-line community made up of many people who loved Stacey very very much,...>Thanks for sobbing for all of us.
Shelli
Posted by Janelle on April 13, 2002, at 17:02:16
In reply to Sar's Funeral/Memorial Service?, posted by Shar on April 12, 2002, at 21:58:14
Um, er, does anyone know *how* sar ended her life? There, I've asked it. Sorry if it offends anyone, but with the tremendous outpouring about the matter I'm just curious.
Posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 17:18:38
In reply to I'd like to know something, I'm nervous, here goes, posted by Janelle on April 13, 2002, at 17:02:16
I haven't heard. Most women use pills, I think, but who knows. Secrecy about sar's passing doesn't work. I think it would be nice to know lots of details. Hell, we all think about it anyway.
Posted by Janelle on April 13, 2002, at 17:37:47
In reply to Re: I'd like to know something, I'm nervous, here goes, posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 17:18:38
Whew, I'm so relieved you understand and did not get mad at me for asking that question. I was a nervous wreck posting it but really do wanna know what the answer is if anyone might have that info.
BTW, was the funeral held in Austin or San Antonio? I ask because from all the threads I've read it sounded like sar lived in Austin but her parents are in San Antonio? Are Austin and San Antonio near each other?
Just trying to get a feel for the whole thing and how trouble was able to attend the funeral ... I gather that trouble lives in Austin (as do you) so I'm guessing that's where the funeral was, yet at the same time I would also think that it might have been held where her family lives (San Antonio?) and that she'd also be buried in family's town, not Austin.
Again, just curious and wondering (that's my nature, unfortunately) ... I don't mean any harm by it.
Posted by Shar on April 13, 2002, at 18:11:18
In reply to Thanx for responding Phil, one more thing: » Phil, posted by Janelle on April 13, 2002, at 17:37:47
I have those very same questions. While not wishing to pry, I think it is very natural to wonder those things, how she did it, more about her last couple of days, etc.
We (most of us) can certainly relate to the idea of suicide, so it makes sense we would wonder about one of our own who passes that way.
If someone gets offended, well, that happens on this board. I see no dishonor or disrespect toward Sar in being curious.
Shar
Posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 18:34:45
In reply to Thanx for responding Phil, one more thing: » Phil, posted by Janelle on April 13, 2002, at 17:37:47
I think the service was here. I've checked the obits again for SA and here and nada.
San Antonio is about 80 miles south down I35,if you're nuts. If you have your wits, there's a backway thru the hill country and you pass thru a few one 4-way stop towns. The whole way is beatiful and lightly travelled. This time of year we have Bluebonnets on just about any road, fields of them too. People taking pictures. Also the Indian paints, which are sorta red and sone little yellow flowers. Texans correct me if I'm wrong. The hill country around Austin is incredibly beautiful.
People who stereotype Texas freak out when they come to Austin. Very educated, which makes me feel dumb, very liberal people here.The hills and lakes alone make it worth the trip. A good friend of mine is a park ranger and divides his time between 5 big parks out at Lake Travis.
Clothing optional state park Hippie Hollow one of them. It's cool to see a state of Texas park sign, Hippee Hollow < 3 miles ;-)
I rambled, sorry. I'm growing a fondness for Adderall.
Oh, I think sar was cremated, not 100% on that detail.
Posted by Janelle on April 13, 2002, at 23:19:33
In reply to Re: Thanx for responding Phil, one more thing:, posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 18:34:45
Posted by kiddo on April 14, 2002, at 13:43:33
In reply to I'd like to know something, I'm nervous, here goes, posted by Janelle on April 13, 2002, at 17:02:16
She did overdose and her funeral was in Austin.
Kiddo
Posted by Greg on April 14, 2002, at 14:44:04
In reply to Community, posted by Willow on April 13, 2002, at 7:03:39
Dearest Lady Willow,
You know I think about you often too and look for you waving your little hands wildly on that Mapquest map :) I may drop in soon to one of the chats just to see what's going on. I'm still trying to digest the enormity of what's taken place.
My 14yo daughter shared with me yesterday that for nearly a year now that she has been having trouble coping with almost everything, me, her mother, her brother, everything. I thought that everything was OK... And that thoughts of taking her life have been crossing her mind. When she told me this I went limp and lost the feeling in my hands and feet. I have to do what ever it takes to get her help, she's my daughter and I love her with all my heart.
I'm so scared right now.
Thank you for thinking about me Willow, you're a special lady.
Love,
Greg> Greg
>
> You are in my thoughts often, do you feel your ears ringing. Why don't you come to chat and just listen, no need to type. Your prescence would be welcome, and the our chat is usually fairly slow paced, except when i start carrying on.
>
> Will be expecting you,
> Whistling Willow
Posted by susan C on April 14, 2002, at 16:39:05
In reply to Re: Community » Willow, posted by Greg on April 14, 2002, at 14:44:04
Posted by IsoM on April 14, 2002, at 20:08:43
In reply to Re: Community » Willow, posted by Greg on April 14, 2002, at 14:44:04
Oh, Greg, it brought it back so suddenly, reading your post, the struggles I've had with two of my sons. I feel so much for you! When my youngest was admitted to the hospital at 14 too, like your daughter, I spent well past midnight pleading & crying with the doctors before he was admitted to a children's ward & not with adults, and got the care he needed. Later, when he felt more settled, he said part of the reason for his decision to commit suicide was he thought no one really cared for him - despite what I reassured him constantly. It wasn't until I came apart myself & broke down that he realised how precious he was to me. His depression has only completely lifted briefly since that time (he's 20 now) but he's kept his promise to me. He said if he ever gets that far down, he'll let me know before he crashes.
Tell your daughter my story & assure her with all your heart just how precious she is. And please tell her I said you were to hug & hold her for me.
Posted by Greg on April 14, 2002, at 20:46:38
In reply to Re: Your Daughter » Greg, posted by IsoM on April 14, 2002, at 20:08:43
Iso,
Thank you, your post means a lot. And she will be getting lots of hugs every chance I get. I've been looking back at what I've put her thru with my depression, the yelling, the controlling everything she did, her having to watch what I've gone thru. And I wonder how much of what she is going thru now is my fault. Since I've been getting help I've been trying to be a better father, but maybe the damage is done. All I can do now is try to make it right. I love my kids so much and the last thing in the world I want them to be is me.
I appreciate your support, please keep it coming?
Greg
Posted by Greg on April 14, 2002, at 20:49:17
In reply to Mouse is noisy behind your wall (nm) » Greg, posted by susan C on April 14, 2002, at 16:39:05
Posted by SusanG on April 14, 2002, at 22:02:36
In reply to Re: Community » Willow, posted by Greg on April 14, 2002, at 14:44:04
Greg, I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has been in pain but how wonderful that she chose to share this information with you. I can imagine that it was a very scary thing to hear from her. I have access to information about resources for counseling, etc., and would be happy to pass on the info about what is availble in your area if you'd like. If you let me know in what city you live, I can get back to you. I'm at imsusang@ yahoo dot com. I wish you and your family the best.
Posted by IsoM on April 15, 2002, at 2:16:56
In reply to Re: Your Daughter, posted by Greg on April 14, 2002, at 20:46:38
No, Greg, the damage done isn't permanent. I'm not going to sugar-coat it & say no harm was done because there is. But you will be able to undo much of what happened & make her stronger for it with greater maturity &, hopefully, resilance.
Something I learned to do 'cause my Mom never did till I was grown, was to say I'm sorry, I'm wrong. My son told me something that really stuck in my head. He said he had real trouble with authority & authority figures, but he never had trouble with my authority. He said it made all the difference to him that I never pushed or forced, but reasoned instead. When I was wrong, I'd state it plainly & apologise.
I treated him with respect, still as the child in the relationship, but one deserving of respect as much as I wanted to be respected. My apologies made it easy for him to admit when he was wrong, by my example. He was never afraid of repercussions from me - what scared him more was the disappointment he sensed when he did wrong. He hated to disappoint me but my sons knew I never expected perfection from them - just honesty & no game-playing.
He compared my apologies to his father's. Mine was "I'm sorry. I was wrong about this & will do my best not to repeat this. If I start doing the same thing, remind me so I can correct it."
His father's was "I'm sorry BUT..." and would go on to explain why he did it, how it wasn't really his fault or how my son caused him to act thusly. My son said he had a way of bringing it round full circle till the son was being blamed for the father's wrongs. He told me my apologies were uncondtional, his father's always had a condition tacked on them.
Never be afraid to look weak in front of your kids & to admit that you don't know all the answers. We're all human & have our limits. Try to find answers together in love. That will build more respect & confidence in you as a fallible, but caring, father than anything else. It will help heal any pain & suffering & build a stronger bond between you & your kids.
Posted by kid47 on April 15, 2002, at 11:24:29
In reply to Re: Sar's funeral...from trouble, posted by Phil on April 13, 2002, at 8:55:01
> This detail broke my heart:
>
> He said he would get us a picture, I said take your time and gave him my email. The most recent photos I saw of Sar reminded me a little of Winona Ryder, sweet, impish, waiflike.God!! That is EXACTLY how i pictured her.
Posted by Phil on April 15, 2002, at 17:25:25
In reply to Re: Sar's funeral...from trouble » Phil, posted by kid47 on April 15, 2002, at 11:24:29
Strangely enough, that's how I pictured her too.
Posted by Chris A on April 15, 2002, at 19:51:03
In reply to Re: Sar's funeral...from trouble..kid47, posted by Phil on April 15, 2002, at 17:25:25
I'm so sorry to hear about Sar. She had so much to offer and didn't know it. She had already given of herself and didn't realize how valuable that gift was. Depression - that nasty thief. I've been gone for a while. Somehow everyone here has to process this, even if they were like me and didn't know her well.
Chris A.
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