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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fi on November 26, 2001, at 16:36:08
I'm new to this. It obviously absolutely right that people share how they are feeling, particularly when its really dire. And clear that we have responsibility for ourselves and our actions, not for other people and what they decide to do. But how do the rest of you cope with not knowing what's happening, when you are concerned about someone?For example, I'm been worrying about Cass all day, and very much hope she is still with us. It would be great to hear from her, but I realise that is partly a selfish need to hear how she is getting on. If we don't hear from her, she may have acted on her suicidal ideas- but we would never hear this definitely. No messages could also mean she has gone into hospital, and we might or might not hear from her again.
I expect this will have happened before, and would stress again I think its good that people do share. How do the rest of you handle it?
Fi
Posted by Phil on November 26, 2001, at 17:47:37
In reply to How do expert 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Fi on November 26, 2001, at 16:36:08
Fi.. There's no such thing as an expert babbler that I know of.
Cass's situation was not all that common. She seemed determined regardless of what anyone could say. I don't deal with mystery well and hope she's in the hospital.
I checked this site all day at work to see if she had posted. I don't know how to deal with this but to know that it's out of my hands.
Phil
Posted by susan C on November 26, 2001, at 19:32:22
In reply to How do expert 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Fi on November 26, 2001, at 16:36:08
I have not been here long, and know what you mean about worrying about someone.
For me, every time I post, I try to be as clear and as direct and as supportive (if that is not contradictory 8;o) as I can. I know I am not physically able to intervene. Even if I was sitting next to the person, I am not a doctor. It is not my 'job', my 'responsibility'to intervene.
I can only hope that the person who 'disappears' has gained something.
I also ponder at times, drdashbobs statistics that most people who post here, post only once...I don't know what that means, but it does cause me to pause and contemplate.
Also, another little bit of inconsequential information: 20% of the population moves every year. We are a very nomatic country, the USA.
So, if you find someone who appears here, it may or maynot mean anything when they donot reappear.
You, or I, or they, have given ,or taken, what we could, when we could.
Philosophical mouse
susan C>
> I'm new to this. It obviously absolutely right that people share how they are feeling, particularly when its really dire. And clear that we have responsibility for ourselves and our actions, not for other people and what they decide to do. But how do the rest of you cope with not knowing what's happening, when you are concerned about someone?
>
> For example, I'm been worrying about Cass all day, and very much hope she is still with us. It would be great to hear from her, but I realise that is partly a selfish need to hear how she is getting on. If we don't hear from her, she may have acted on her suicidal ideas- but we would never hear this definitely. No messages could also mean she has gone into hospital, and we might or might not hear from her again.
>
> I expect this will have happened before, and would stress again I think its good that people do share. How do the rest of you handle it?
>
> Fi
Posted by Katey on November 26, 2001, at 21:30:02
In reply to Re: How do expert 'babblers' cope with our distance? » Fi, posted by susan C on November 26, 2001, at 19:32:22
y'know, im fairly new hear too, and i had Cass on my mind quite a bit today. i'm scared for her, because ive never been that far off the edge. i wish that she would either post now and say shes not going to do it, or have posted before she did it so that we would have a little closure. shes still in my hopes and thoughts tho. i guess i'm with you fi.
Posted by Fi on November 27, 2001, at 12:25:02
In reply to Re: How do expert 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Katey on November 26, 2001, at 21:30:02
Sorry- I didnt realise I had worded that ambigously- by 'expert' I really just meant people who had been on this list a while- not that anyone was particularly skilled compared to anyone else.
Thanks for the messages. It seems that all we can do is acknowledge the logical side; the limits of what we can do and know. And its good to know that the inevitable worry of such situations isnt particulalry common.
Fi
Posted by Noa on November 27, 2001, at 17:34:48
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Fi on November 27, 2001, at 12:25:02
It is hard.
I just logged in after a number of days, and hadn't read Cass's thread.
It has happened before where I did care a lot and then felt the person rejected support, only to come back later and repeat it. I don't know if this is what happened with Cass, since I haven't read the thread.
In any event, when people are in acute distress, it is hard. Make sure to take care of yourself first and foremost. I liked what someone here said about the oxygen mask analogy--the flight attendant always tells you to put yours on first before helping someone else....
Perhaps I have become less warm and supportive here. I find that I limit my time on Babble, so I don't read every thread, and sometimes, I find that I just can't deal with reading threads about acute distress. I know--it is rather cold of me. But this is what I have felt is necessary for me to take care of myself. At one point, I was on babble all the time and caring about everyone intensely and I couldn't sustain it without it hurting me.
What I do try to do is if someone expressed distress and there don't seem to be any responses after a reasonable amount of time, I will say something. But usually, if there are a number of responses (and I see names among them that make me feel the person is in good hands) I just stay out of it.
So, cold, distant, etc., what I have been offering of late of myself has been one kind of support, not the same, close support as before, but it is how I've needed it to be.
This probably sounds very cynical to you guys. Perhaps it is.
Posted by susan C on November 27, 2001, at 17:49:58
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Noa on November 27, 2001, at 17:34:48
Posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 23:32:07
In reply to Re: How do expert 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Katey on November 26, 2001, at 21:30:02
Thank-you, Fi, Phil and Katey for being so concerned about me today and in the past days. I think you are wonderful people. Earlier today, I posted in the "suicide" thread that I think I am out of the woods. I'm not completely stable yet, and I'm having mood swings, but I generally feel much less suicidal. What I've been though has been a nightmare. A nightmare I would wish on no one, but I guess I'm singing to the chorus since most, if not all of you, have been through it. So please know that I think I'm going to be okay, and it's in great part to you.
Posted by Phil on November 28, 2001, at 6:14:32
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope?Fi, Phil, Katey, posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 23:32:07
> Thank-you, Fi, Phil and Katey for being so concerned about me today and in the past days. I think you are wonderful people. Earlier today, I posted in the "suicide" thread that I think I am out of the woods. I'm not completely stable yet,
~~~~~~~~~
HAHA! You've got a lot of company on those last 5 words!!! : ^ ). Thank you for the kind words. I just hope if-when I have an episode that bottoms out that babblers come thru. I have no doubt that they would. Cass, there are wonderful people here, you're one of them. Darn good to hear from you!!Phil
Posted by Katey on November 28, 2001, at 7:29:32
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope?Fi, Phil, Katey, posted by Phil on November 28, 2001, at 6:14:32
Cass youre so wonderful. im reading the boards at god knows too early and youve already given me a great start to my day. i dont think anyone here is really completely stable, but we're all working on it. and i think the babble helps to steady us, dont you? keep going hon, we're still rooting for you :)
Katey
Posted by mair on November 28, 2001, at 9:57:53
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Noa on November 27, 2001, at 17:34:48
> I don't think Noa's comment is too cynical but I also think Fi has raised a really good issue here. Certainly when someone is in acute distress like Cass it's very hard not to be able to know how things turn out. I think Shelli's post on Cass' thread is really good about the responsibility of the poster to update people on the Board and I'm pleased that Cass did that. I also think it's tough when people who have been pretty active posters just disappear. Sometimes this is done with a fanfare that is preceded by some unpleasantness, but more often than not, people just drift away. Where they have been very active posters, their absence is bound to be noticed and wondered about.
People have different needs for and are inclined to make different contributions to the Board for different reasons at different times. Sometimes our roll can be more supportive than at others and sometimes our need to take from the Board outstrips our ability to contribute. Sometimes our need is to stay away from the Board. I think we all understand that and have to accept as a limitation that our favorite posters just always aren't going to be here. That said, I still wish those who know that they are going to drift away forever or for awhile would post a note to that effect and maybe check in periodically to let us know how they're doing.
Mair (just babbling)
Posted by Fi on November 28, 2001, at 14:03:48
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope?Fi, Phil, Katey, posted by Cass on November 27, 2001, at 23:32:07
Thanks for this extra message, when you are having a tough time and could be sticking to your own thread. I'm relieved you were OK with this one- its important that people do feel able to post whatever they are feeling.
I've certainly had some pretty awful days (as we all probably have), when going to the end of the road was just too exhausting. But to show how things can change, I'm off on holiday for 3 days tomorrow to Barcelona in Spain (I'm in UK)! Never thought I would actually go on holiday again.
Fi
Posted by Fi on November 28, 2001, at 14:12:12
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Noa on November 27, 2001, at 17:34:48
Noa: you're not cynical at all- very wise.
And part of having a *group* is that we dont all have to read all the messages, and people still get something back.
I just think this group is so great. Its really weird sending messages out into anonymous cyberspace, without knowing what if anything you'll hear back, or when.Which is quite a lonely, risky sort of thing to try. But then getting a very personal and relevant reply, which seems the opposite to that vast anonymity. And the extra level that our messages may be read by thousands of other people with no or any motive or interest (tho I bet a lot of casual surfers arent interested as this isnt full of messages about sex!)
I joined the email list for a self help group for people with depression in the UK at around the same time, but so far am a bit overwhelmed by it as so far there seem to be about 50 messages a day not in threads. And I have a slow internet collection and pay for my calls!
Fi
Posted by Fi on November 28, 2001, at 14:32:34
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by mair on November 28, 2001, at 9:57:53
Just had another thought; its interesting, and I think appropriate, that Dr Bob doesnt get involved when someone is in crisis (as far as I know). That would distort things a lot; it needs to be clear we are all responsible for ourselves, and not 'consulting' him or expecting him to notice and 'rescue' us. And we seem to come up with a good range of support and ideas ourselves (not surprising).
Fi (thinking as well must stop using 'just' so much in her babbling!)
Posted by Noa on November 28, 2001, at 18:17:56
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Fi on November 28, 2001, at 14:32:34
Cass, glad to hear you are out of danger. And I agree with the others that it was very thoughtful of you to let people know that you are ok. And yes, I have been there, too, in that awful, torturous place. Sometimes it is hard to believe I or any of us made it through that kind of ordeal. But we humans are rather resilient, despite our terrible vulnerabilities. While you are feeling safer, write down some things to remind yourself of in case you reenter that other state of mind. I know for me, the two states of mind are so distinct, like completely different channels. It can help to be reminded of any glimmer of hope you believe in when you are not in despair.
Fi, this is a great group. I have gotten a lot from it.
Posted by Noa on November 28, 2001, at 18:18:45
In reply to Re: How do 'babblers' cope with our distance?, posted by Fi on November 28, 2001, at 14:32:34
And this thread was a great one--good question.
This is the end of the thread.
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