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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by akc on September 13, 2001, at 11:05:24
The spiral is slowly happening. I can feel it -- it is more gradual than normal. Maybe because I have more tools to prevent it. But my t has gone on her vacation -- hiking with her sisters. I think I held out hope that she wouldn't go. Listening to the message on her voice mail this morning that let me know that she was gone -- it tore my heart up.
Me, me, me. What do I have to grieve? I haven't lost anyone. No loved one of mine has even been injured. Yet this horrendous event -- it is too much for my mind to absorb.I'm trying to distract. I try to stay busy with work and with friends. But I am like a moth to a flame. I keep coming back to the net, to tv, to radio. Even though it is not good for me, I just have to know. The silence is even worse.
And it is not over -- even if the terrorists make no more attacks on us, we are going to make attacks on someone else -- killing innocents. The god thing -- one of the things blowing my mind -- but I'm trying to think what would Jesus or Ghandi or Mother Teresa do -- killing in revenge? Never -- absolutely not. Not even a person 100% absolutely involved. But yet we as a nation are likely to drop a missle, blow up a training camp, bomb a city in retaliation. And kill innocents.
And then I go to the terrorist's mind -- why so much hate? I'll never understand. It is a different hate than that of a psychopath. To believe in something so much that killing innocents is a matter of honor. That god thing -- I don't understand. I'll never understand.
Innocents. The families interviewed last night of people who are missing. I thought this morning that there are people probably missing who had no family -- maybe no friends. Who were loners -- who will vanish and no one will even know. Innocent.
I'm overwhelmed with grief. And shame because I'm really only thinking of myself. On how to not spiral into a really bad depression. Upset that my t went on with her life. Upset that she couldn't see this coming -- even though I have told her for the past 1 1/2 days that I was hanging in -- staying grounded.
I want to crawl into a hole and just cry. But instead, I'll keep faking it here at work. Trying to put one foot in front of the other. Not getting much work done. I don't know how much longer I can fake this. I'm overwhelmed.
akc
Posted by Krazy Kat on September 13, 2001, at 11:12:41
In reply to Into depression, posted by akc on September 13, 2001, at 11:05:24
akc:
I totally understand the spiral thing. Do you think you should just go to bed for a few days and "give in"? I haven't decided what the best thing to do is yet.
Isn't it amazing to feel it coming on, and yet have no way to fend it off?
DO NOT add guilt to this!! I do that, too. It is so destructive.
Remember, you have helped me, in the last few days, with your posts.
- K.
Posted by susan C on September 13, 2001, at 11:27:47
In reply to Into depression, posted by akc on September 13, 2001, at 11:05:24
Here is my arm to lean on, it may be small and skinny, and my body is only three inches long...but I have got some strength to spare. And I have a really cool cape you can borrow.
Mighty Mouse
Susan C> The spiral is slowly happening. I can feel it -- it is more gradual than normal. Maybe because I have more tools to prevent it. But my t has gone on her vacation -- hiking with her sisters. I think I held out hope that she wouldn't go. Listening to the message on her voice mail this morning that let me know that she was gone -- it tore my heart up.
> Me, me, me. What do I have to grieve? I haven't lost anyone. No loved one of mine has even been injured. Yet this horrendous event -- it is too much for my mind to absorb.
>
> I'm trying to distract. I try to stay busy with work and with friends. But I am like a moth to a flame. I keep coming back to the net, to tv, to radio. Even though it is not good for me, I just have to know. The silence is even worse.
>
> And it is not over -- even if the terrorists make no more attacks on us, we are going to make attacks on someone else -- killing innocents. The god thing -- one of the things blowing my mind -- but I'm trying to think what would Jesus or Ghandi or Mother Teresa do -- killing in revenge? Never -- absolutely not. Not even a person 100% absolutely involved. But yet we as a nation are likely to drop a missle, blow up a training camp, bomb a city in retaliation. And kill innocents.
>
> And then I go to the terrorist's mind -- why so much hate? I'll never understand. It is a different hate than that of a psychopath. To believe in something so much that killing innocents is a matter of honor. That god thing -- I don't understand. I'll never understand.
>
> Innocents. The families interviewed last night of people who are missing. I thought this morning that there are people probably missing who had no family -- maybe no friends. Who were loners -- who will vanish and no one will even know. Innocent.
>
> I'm overwhelmed with grief. And shame because I'm really only thinking of myself. On how to not spiral into a really bad depression. Upset that my t went on with her life. Upset that she couldn't see this coming -- even though I have told her for the past 1 1/2 days that I was hanging in -- staying grounded.
>
> I want to crawl into a hole and just cry. But instead, I'll keep faking it here at work. Trying to put one foot in front of the other. Not getting much work done. I don't know how much longer I can fake this. I'm overwhelmed.
>
> akc
Posted by akc on September 13, 2001, at 14:02:06
In reply to Re: Into depression, posted by susan C on September 13, 2001, at 11:27:47
> Here is my arm to lean on, it may be small and skinny, and my body is only three inches long...but I have got some strength to spare. And I have a really cool cape you can borrow.
>
> Mighty Mouse
> Susan C
>a slight grin! thanks.
This is the end of the thread.
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