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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lexie on September 9, 2001, at 9:12:33
It has been a long time since I have posted. I am not sure if any of you still remember me. I am having a very rough weekend. I have Bipolar 2, my most recent challange has been anorexia, my weight has gotten to 113 at 5'9". I told my therapist I just want to dicentigrate. This weekend, I had a visitor that could only stay 2 days when they went back to another state, the panic attacks started, I feel all alone. I pace the floor. (I lost custody of my son last year) I realize more than ever what it feels like to be alone. I want to die now more than ever. I know I will make it I will alway's do. I remember what my therapist said when I said, my son didn't want anything from me and he said yes he does, he wants his mom to see him graduate college and get married and have kids, he wants a lot from you. He is only 5, they say when my weight reaches double digits it's almost irreversable and anorexia has a 50/50 mortality rate. I love my son so much but I am so tired. Lexie
Posted by Rach on September 9, 2001, at 11:04:33
In reply to Help feeling down, posted by Lexie on September 9, 2001, at 9:12:33
Hi Lexie,
I don't know what to tell you other than hang in there. I understand á bit of what you're feeling; i'm also at my lowest point ever & feeling like I just want to disappear and leave behind the pain and all the shit that's going on. I want to sleep forever, & have made a pretty good attempt at it this weekend! (slept for 32 hours).
I just want you to know that there is someone out there thinking about you & your son. I really hope things look up for you.
Best wishes for smooth days,
RachaelP.S. I do remember seeing you posting before
> It has been a long time since I have posted. I am not sure if any of you still remember me. I am having a very rough weekend. I have Bipolar 2, my most recent challange has been anorexia, my weight has gotten to 113 at 5'9". I told my therapist I just want to dicentigrate. This weekend, I had a visitor that could only stay 2 days when they went back to another state, the panic attacks started, I feel all alone. I pace the floor. (I lost custody of my son last year) I realize more than ever what it feels like to be alone. I want to die now more than ever. I know I will make it I will alway's do. I remember what my therapist said when I said, my son didn't want anything from me and he said yes he does, he wants his mom to see him graduate college and get married and have kids, he wants a lot from you. He is only 5, they say when my weight reaches double digits it's almost irreversable and anorexia has a 50/50 mortality rate. I love my son so much but I am so tired. Lexie
Posted by Krazy Kat on September 9, 2001, at 17:45:45
In reply to Re: Help feeling down, posted by Rach on September 9, 2001, at 11:04:33
Lexie:
I remember seeing you post before, too, though I think you took off kind of when I "came on".
I have had not dealt with these issues personally, but wanted to offer some sympathy.
What's your current pdoc situation? Are you due for a med switch do you think? I'm diagnosed BP II, was just placed on Depakote - having some trouble but it's been the best thing thus far, and it acted very quickly which would be key.
Keep posting.
- K.
Posted by Lexie on September 9, 2001, at 18:27:21
In reply to Re: Help feeling down, posted by Krazy Kat on September 9, 2001, at 17:45:45
My doctor of 1.5 years was changed by my insurance company when it was found out about my weight loss to a pdoc that specialized in anorexia. That by the way kept me on the exact same meds., I am feeling much worse as the night goes on. I just can't be still enough to sleep. Although I am so tired. I wish I could turn this all off permantly.
Posted by Krazy Kat on September 9, 2001, at 18:52:03
In reply to Re: Help feeling down, posted by Lexie on September 9, 2001, at 18:27:21
Lexie:
I think many folks here understand that feeling. I finally hit a point a few weeks ago where I said "I'm going into a hospital until you can make me feel better" to my pdoc, my husband...
Can you do that? Can you just go to the hospital and say, "I want something now, something that will help me tomorrow." There are things.
With the stress you've been through this last year...I don't know how you've handled it all. Maybe it's time to give in to help?
- K.
Posted by kid_A on September 9, 2001, at 18:53:23
In reply to Help feeling down, posted by Lexie on September 9, 2001, at 9:12:33
Lexie,
First, I'm not an old-timer, I've only been active on these boards for about 4 months so I may have missed your previous posts.
Now, med wise, perhaps you might consider drugs like zyprexa or remeron, both of which cause an increased hunger, so that might improve your weight... Im struggling right now to get to 130 and i am hovering at 122 or so, I'm a 30 year old male and that is terribly thin for my age and height... I want to gain, but I cant, but regardless, I know its difficult for me to understand the thought process behind anorexia, but exact understanding is not really necisarry...I spent a lot of my teenaged years lying on the floor of my bedroom, wishing that there was some way that I could make it through the night, wishing that someone, anyone would think of me more than themselves and call, but those calls never came... I doubted myself constantly and mired in a well of thick black that I never attempted to crawl out of until very recently...
The best thing to do when all seems lost is to take the littlest steps first, the first thing you need to do is to get yourself in order, to know that there are people who do understand, regardless of their distance from you...
You need to remember that there is always a sunrise after darkness, that after every night there is daylight, that every long tunnel of pitch always has light at its end... and everyone, including you, deserves a laugh and a dance through the sun and spring...
Pain hurts, and maybe you will still hurt, but you always must remember that there is a way out, often it is up a rocky cliff that seems impassible, but the clearer your mind gets, the mountains disolve into plains that are more easily crossed...
Understanding, a long distance hug.
please take care.
of, yourself.
-
KID A
Posted by kazoo on September 9, 2001, at 21:55:03
In reply to Help feeling down, posted by Lexie on September 9, 2001, at 9:12:33
> It has been a long time since I have posted. I am not sure if any of you still remember me. I am having a very rough weekend. I have Bipolar 2, my most recent challange has been anorexia, my weight has gotten to 113 at 5'9". I told my therapist I just want to dicentigrate. This weekend, I had a visitor that could only stay 2 days when they went back to another state, the panic attacks started, I feel all alone. I pace the floor. (I lost custody of my son last year) I realize more than ever what it feels like to be alone. I want to die now more than ever. I know I will make it I will alway's do. I remember what my therapist said when I said, my son didn't want anything from me and he said yes he does, he wants his mom to see him graduate college and get married and have kids, he wants a lot from you. He is only 5, they say when my weight reaches double digits it's almost irreversable and anorexia has a 50/50 mortality rate. I love my son so much but I am so tired. Lexie
^^^^^^^
Of course I remember you ... !My dear, you need immediate medical attention. I *strongly* suggest you do this as soon as you can. I'm surprised your doctor hasn't put you in a hospital already. What are they waiting for?
You are malnourished, probably dehydrated as well, all of which is going to cause the organs in your body to shut down. (This is not a pretty sight either!) You will reach a point of no return (as you were warned), and when you reach that point, when there's no turning back, you're going to look back in anger at this period of time when you could have done something to help yourself.(And there's nothing worse than anger generated from regret!)
Get some help now.
Right now.
Call your doctor ASAP.Do it.
Do it for your son.
Do it for yourself.If you have a problem with hospitalization, then contact a friend, a family member, somebody at Social Services ... anybody ... and tell them what's happening to you.
Let somebody know!Keep posting ... stay in touch.
(a worried) Kazoo
Posted by Mair on September 9, 2001, at 22:23:45
In reply to Help feeling down, posted by Lexie on September 9, 2001, at 9:12:33
>Lexie - I'm so glad you came back to post altho I'm distressed to hear how awful things are. Aren't you the person who very bravely decided not to fight custody because your husband was going to raise your health as an issue? I think avoiding WW III was a great thing you did for your son, even though it hurt you so badly. Don't lose sight of how much he needs you always.
Mair (formerly ksvt)
Posted by Kristi on September 9, 2001, at 22:37:08
In reply to Re: Help feeling down » Lexie, posted by kazoo on September 9, 2001, at 21:55:03
Hi Lexie,
Being a former Bulemic.... I must ditto kazoo's advice.
And his questions too....how come they haven't admitted you?My brother's girlfriend right now is anorexic... but in the hospital and getting well. She almost lost her life!!!!!! Get yourself better honey and quick! And feel free to lean on us... everyone hear cares..... Kristi
> > It has been a long time since I have posted. I am not sure if any of you still remember me. I am having a very rough weekend. I have Bipolar 2, my most recent challange has been anorexia, my weight has gotten to 113 at 5'9". I told my therapist I just want to dicentigrate. This weekend, I had a visitor that could only stay 2 days when they went back to another state, the panic attacks started, I feel all alone. I pace the floor. (I lost custody of my son last year) I realize more than ever what it feels like to be alone. I want to die now more than ever. I know I will make it I will alway's do. I remember what my therapist said when I said, my son didn't want anything from me and he said yes he does, he wants his mom to see him graduate college and get married and have kids, he wants a lot from you. He is only 5, they say when my weight reaches double digits it's almost irreversable and anorexia has a 50/50 mortality rate. I love my son so much but I am so tired. Lexie
>
> ^^^^^^^
> Of course I remember you ... !
>
> My dear, you need immediate medical attention. I *strongly* suggest you do this as soon as you can. I'm surprised your doctor hasn't put you in a hospital already. What are they waiting for?
>
> You are malnourished, probably dehydrated as well, all of which is going to cause the organs in your body to shut down. (This is not a pretty sight either!) You will reach a point of no return (as you were warned), and when you reach that point, when there's no turning back, you're going to look back in anger at this period of time when you could have done something to help yourself.
>
> (And there's nothing worse than anger generated from regret!)
>
> Get some help now.
> Right now.
> Call your doctor ASAP.
>
> Do it.
> Do it for your son.
> Do it for yourself.
>
> If you have a problem with hospitalization, then contact a friend, a family member, somebody at Social Services ... anybody ... and tell them what's happening to you.
> Let somebody know!
>
> Keep posting ... stay in touch.
>
> (a worried) Kazoo
Posted by sar on September 10, 2001, at 1:10:01
In reply to Re: Help feeling down-LEXIE, posted by Kristi on September 9, 2001, at 22:37:08
dear Lexie,
i probably joined the board 'round the time you quit posting.
your dimensions struck me an eerie way...5 years ago at this time, i was 5'9" and weighed 113...i wasn't considered anorexic, but i hated allowing myself to eat. it seemed weak to me somehow.
YES. you can call 911 and say "there is something terribly worong, please come," and they will come. i promise you.
have you ever been hospitalized? it can be really--rejuvenating, a growth spurt, provided you go to the right place.
yes yes yes you can call and say come get me...and they will...
are you on any meds? which ones?
i think i wanted to disappear, too. i'm at 128 or so right now, and according to my friends and fam, i look a lot better.
why do you want to disintegrate? what do you have? what do you not have?
caringly,
sar
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