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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deerock on December 11, 2009, at 9:18:09
hi there, i am getting some insight into my rage towards my T. she is female and I am male and im realizing, that i want her in a sexual way. and since i cant have her, this rage ensues.
so im confused in part because i feel like she had been flirting with me, i think unintentionally during our sessions or perhaps i was interpreting flirting when it was not flirting. she appeared to be acting seductively at times. sometimes she has admitted it.
so im wondering...because i think she would continue to work with me...if the fact that we got to this place where i was enraged means that she mishandled it and i should find another therapist or if the fact that i realized this was a major part of the issue and it means i should work this out with her.
either way, im looking for a consult from another therapist.
i realized this because as i was calling around for other therapists, when i called a woman therapist and she sounded sexy...similar feelings of lust/rage arose. im just not sure if i would have ended up enraged if she handled it properly or if this means i better find a male therapist.
thanks for listening/reading.
Posted by Helana on December 11, 2009, at 9:50:04
In reply to erotic transference, posted by deerock on December 11, 2009, at 9:18:09
Hi deerock.
I've read some of your other post to get a better idea and you sound just like me with my therapist or at least how it was for the first two years.We are still working through the erotic transference and countertransference in a healthy way and I am so blessed to have her in my life althoough it's not the way I always thought I wanted it. I thought the only way I ever wanted her was completely, but that's not true anymore. I didn't know that until we started working through the transference which wasn't until this past year because like your t mine flirted back and crossed bounderies. That is when I usually felt the rage...and had the violent fantasies. This fantasy that I had mentioned in a previous post was because she had flirted again in therapy which she hasn't done in roughly six months.
Just thought I'd share.
Peace and love,
Helana
Posted by deerock on December 11, 2009, at 9:59:58
In reply to Re: erotic transference, posted by Helana on December 11, 2009, at 9:50:04
Helana, how did you get from the T flirting to your T not flirting? Maybe things can work with my T if she becomes aware of what the problem is.
This is exactly what mine does. She flirts and then suddenly gets clinical. And I become confused. And other times she admits flirting and other times denies it. It is confusing.
The issue is that my T left her facebook page open to the public by accident. So I knew all these things about her and what was important to her, etc. I know she loves and adores her dog because of what was on her facebook page. My fantasy of violence involved her dog and when I told her, she started crying. And the next session I came in and she was all like oh, we may need to stop, something bad is happening here.
I do not want to harm her at all for the record and I never would and never have physically harmed another person.
I'm hanging in there. I made a couple calls for a consult. I was really confused after todays session. She acted like she felt unsafe and that something destructive was happening and then talked about a consult and said I may need to find another therapist. Then towards the ened she said "are you coming in on Monday??" And I said "oh my god, you are just as insane as my mother." She got up and opened the door without saying anything as in, ok, time for you to leave.
I thought she was telling me she couldnt work with me and then told me we could keep talking about it and asked if I wanted to come in Monday. I was like huh??? I know its not her. Its me too and maybe more me than her or maybe not. But the whole thing is getting wild and crazy.
Thanks again Helana. I feel appreciate that you are here and that you are you.
Posted by Helana on December 11, 2009, at 12:00:30
In reply to Re: erotic transference, posted by deerock on December 11, 2009, at 9:59:58
> Helana, how did you get from the T flirting to your T not flirting?
I don't know!! That's the thing. She just started to stop and I kept asking her why and she kept saying we've just changed. I still have never gotten much of an answer. More of a fill in the blanks. Tho nothing really has changed she just flirts less. Before it was crazy intense every session...then she stopped for a while and now she's back to it but I never know when.
Maybe things can work with my T if she becomes aware of what the problem is.
>If she's aware and has the tools to know what to do with it then things could work.
> This is exactly what mine does. She flirts and then suddenly gets clinical. And I become confused. And other times she admits flirting and other times denies it. It is confusing.It's very confusing and not professional at all. I even asked mine the question, "In another time and place could we have been something more?" She said hugged me at the end of session and said yes. Part of me feels like I should've left my T from the very beginning and found a more stable one, but I just couldn't. I get attached too quick too late.
>
> The issue is that my T left her facebook page open to the public by accident. So I knew all these things about her and what was important to her, etc. I know she loves and adores her dog because of what was on her facebook page. My fantasy of violence involved her dog and when I told her, she started crying. And the next session I came in and she was all like oh, we may need to stop, something bad is happening here.That's really unfortunate that your t can't see that it's not bad and that she even names things good or bad imo. My fantasy with my T involved her kids because that's what I assumed to be most important to her. I as well would never ever hurt and truly don't want to hurt her or her family. I can tell the difference between it being a fantasy that I don't really ever want to happen and my desires. I give you props tho, cuz I have been wanting to tell my T about them but I'm too scared of hurting her and what it'll do to the relationship. But what is my relationship with her other than fake if I can't say what is really going on? If you were my client and you told me that fantasy my first question would be what would you try to gain from that?
>
> I do not want to harm her at all for the record and I never would and never have physically harmed another person.
I believe you...an example of why I don't think you're a bad person :)
>
> I'm hanging in there. I made a couple calls for a consult. I was really confused after todays session. She acted like she felt unsafe and that something destructive was happening and then talked about a consult and said I may need to find another therapist. Then towards the ened she said "are you coming in on Monday??" And I said "oh my god, you are just as insane as my mother." She got up and opened the door without saying anything as in, ok, time for you to leave.
>
I'm sorry I have a feeling that what u said to your T wasn't meant to be funny...but omglmfao!! Seriously does your T's name start with an M? Because mine has done the same thing! It's weird. Just plan weird. I don't think we're working out, but in case i'm wrong are you coming in on monday??
> I thought she was telling me she couldnt work with me and then told me we could keep talking about it and asked if I wanted to come in Monday. I was like huh??? I know its not her. Its me too and maybe more me than her or maybe not. But the whole thing is getting wild and crazy.
>It is so not more you! She should be frank and up front. There should not be guessing as to what is going on in therapy imo.
>
Thanks again Helana. I feel appreciate that you are here and that you are you.Thank you deerock! that was sweet :) And you are so welcome!
Posted by rnny on December 14, 2009, at 23:04:16
In reply to erotic transference, posted by deerock on December 11, 2009, at 9:18:09
I could never go to a different sex T. I was in group therapy for only 3 sessions and the leader was of a different sex. All I did was fantasize about them sexually day and night to the point I thought I was going crazy. Wound up quitting the group immediately.
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