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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by obsidian on May 12, 2009, at 21:30:53
I understand why people go into their jobs and start shooting everyone
(and don't worry I am not going to do that)
I am sooooo leaving that place when I get the chance, but I fear that will not be for a long time given my financial circumstances and other things. I work my butt off my friends, I sincerely do, at a significant emotional cost to myself. My job in some ways is also dangerous. I am very much devalued often by a lot of people with less education than me (no I am not an academic snob, but again I worked my butt off there too). Essentially I am told that I don't do enough work by people who don't care to notice what I am doing. I do not wish to be a martyr, and I desperately want to change things. I fear my only recourse is to start writing nasty things inside the staff bathrooms, something has got to give.
and guess how my session was last week?
well it was about 2 minutes long. That's right. It takes me about an hour to get home from work, and another 45 minutes further to get to therapy, so that was effectively 1 hour and 45 minutes of driving. I wait, about 15 minutes past my appointment time. I get in, T says we will have to end early. 2 minutes later he gets a call, says we have to stop, due to some emergency.
You know though, it wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't been at least 15 minutes late for the previous three sessions (T said because of emergency calls)
suffice it to say, my efforts in life in general are not paying off. I am on way too much medication, it is just too much f*ck*ng effort to keep myself together. I'm feeling pretty f*ck*ng emergent I tell you what. I shall go promptly out into the street and start screaming.
thank you.
Posted by obsidian on May 12, 2009, at 22:54:05
In reply to I am going to lose my f'ing mind...(violence trigg, posted by obsidian on May 12, 2009, at 21:30:53
I just ran a couple of miles so I could calm down.
another fact to try and wrap my head around:my father called my mother to wish her a happy mother's day. My father and I have been estranged for...almost 20 years. I don't understand him, I don't understand them.
Posted by FindingMyDesire on May 13, 2009, at 0:24:13
In reply to I am going to lose my f'ing mind...(violence trigg, posted by obsidian on May 12, 2009, at 21:30:53
Hi Obsidian,
Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about your work situation. And especially the short session - just when you not only need it, but need some work on your relationship with him. Right? Geez. 2 minutes.How often do you go? Any chance for a reschedule? How does he process the being-late-due-to-emergency-calls thing with you? That seems super important right now.
Work situations/cultures/dynamics are hard to change. I wish for you whatever it takes to appreciate yourself when no one else is. Do you have any allies there? I'm just so sorry it's so awful.
((((((((((((((((((((Obsidian)))))))))))))))))))))
FindingMyDesire
Posted by Sigismund on May 13, 2009, at 3:12:21
In reply to I am going to lose my f'ing mind...(violence trigg, posted by obsidian on May 12, 2009, at 21:30:53
You once said
'I'm just tired, you know?'
but not too tired to run a fair distance.
Now if you could run away from whatever it is?In Burroughs novels people smoke dope and yell
'I got the fear!'
and run out of the room
(which I have always kinda wanted to do).What's it said here?
Something like
'Suicide happens when the supports are less than the strengths'?
What are the supports?
Zyprexa?
<sigh>
Posted by obsidian on May 13, 2009, at 21:36:59
In reply to Re: I am going to lose my f'ing mind...(violence trigg » obsidian, posted by FindingMyDesire on May 13, 2009, at 0:24:13
> Hi Obsidian,
> Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about your work situation. And especially the short session - just when you not only need it, but need some work on your relationship with him. Right? Geez. 2 minutes.thanks for responding, I'm kind of afraid that my level of anger might be scaring people off
yup, I have to say that really left me in a bad place> How often do you go? Any chance for a reschedule? How does he process the being-late-due-to-emergency-calls thing with you? That seems super important right now.
I go once a week, tomorrow in fact. I am going to have to bring it up, but part of me just wants to stop being let down (which isn't really conducive to therapy so I might as well not go). I don't want to be reminded of my relative insignificance in this world.
> Work situations/cultures/dynamics are hard to change. I wish for you whatever it takes to appreciate yourself when no one else is. Do you have any allies there? I'm just so sorry it's so awful.I have friends and we commiserate. We all want to leave, it's really awful. We spend our time thinking of other things we'd rather do, it helps us get through. I've got some things I'm going to do this summer (non work related), and I'm going to try to appreciate myself and my work the best I can. I guess I have to ignore everything else lest I go insane.
((((((((((((((((((((Obsidian)))))))))))))))))))))
thanks, I really needed that :-)
-sid
>
> FindingMyDesire
Posted by obsidian on May 13, 2009, at 21:41:02
In reply to Re: I am going to lose my f'ing mind...(violence trigg » obsidian, posted by Sigismund on May 13, 2009, at 3:12:21
> You once said
> 'I'm just tired, you know?'
> but not too tired to run a fair distance.
> Now if you could run away from whatever it is?I would like to run and run and run....
>
> In Burroughs novels people smoke dope and yell
> 'I got the fear!'
> and run out of the room
> (which I have always kinda wanted to do).I know I read that..was it "Dry"?
>
> What's it said here?
> Something like
> 'Suicide happens when the supports are less than the strengths'?yes, that is it exactly
> What are the supports?
> Zyprexa?seroquel, lamictal, klonopin, effexor
no marijuana, I'd be high all the time<sigh>
yup <sigh>
thanks sig :-)
Posted by Sigismund on May 13, 2009, at 23:02:42
In reply to Re: I am going to lose my f'ing mind...(violence trigg » Sigismund, posted by obsidian on May 13, 2009, at 21:41:02
Not Augustan but William, the one with the 'chillingly pessimistic view of the universe' as I recall from the blurb.
This is the end of the thread.
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