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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by garnet71 on May 6, 2009, at 18:17:58
Please someone say they can identify with this or explain this...I'm feeling so guilty.
So I have two 3 hour long classes, w/about 3 hrs in between. Today i went to my morning class; then I went to the gym and had lunch as usual...sat down at my computer..for 1/2 hour w/emails...then had a sudden urge to leave instead of going to class! After fighting myself, I got in my car and left.
I only have 2 more weeks till I graduate, and my other school's semester starts before this one ends--so I'm getting points taken off my grade for attendance already, it was soooo stupid for me to be missing class when I didn't need to. The urge to leave was just so strong though-and i was fighting it for about 10 minutes.
Then I went to the grocery stores, came home and made grilled steak salads. So then I decided to go out and get nicotine gum....instead-I diverted-I bought a pack of cigarettes..and thought some more--and instead of driving home, I decided to go to the store and get a bottle of wine. Yikes!
I don't know what happened. I think I'm sick of being 'good' or something? I've been feeling deprived...all I've been doing is work (well schoolwork, housework, repairs/painting). I've been eating dried beans all week since I've been so poor..and quit smoking about 10 days ago. Haven't had sex in 6 months...
I'm wondering if this means i'm lonely or bored with life or what. I'm feeling so guilty right now. I mean, i got paid yesterday, only a small amount, but geez I was poor for a long time, then made lots of money, and became poor again..made lots of money..back and forth..I've lived in both realms for considerable lengths of time..and don't remember feeling like I had to run out and get a bottle of wine and smoke when I got a little money!
What would a therapist make of something like this? Maybe it doesn't sound like a big deal-but I am really pissed off at myself right now. I've been so good-haven't smoked or eaten bad, have been exercising alot..only had 1 beer in the past month..and haven't even taken a xanax in 3 days..why the sudden urge to screw up?
: (
Posted by Poet on May 6, 2009, at 19:40:25
In reply to Temporary lapse in self-discipline or what?, posted by garnet71 on May 6, 2009, at 18:17:58
Hi Garnet,
Maybe it's more of an I graduate in two weeks, but start my next school before then student rebelion? Sort of a senior skip day? I wouldn't worry about the points being taken off unless you are right on the limit.
To me that you bought cigarettes, but didn't smoke them shows self-discipline. As for the wine, maybe you just wanted to relax at home without doing anything around the house or homework? Keep in mind I am a true lover of the grape, so for me wine equates leisure time to kick back enjoy a glass or two.
I think you should forgive yourself for a temporary lapse. Good luck with graduation and your new classes at the new school.
Poet
Posted by garnet71 on May 7, 2009, at 11:11:33
In reply to Re: Temporary lapse in self-discipline or what? » garnet71, posted by Poet on May 6, 2009, at 19:40:25
Hi Poet! Maybe I am making a big deal over nothing--sometimes I make things so complicated.
Wine makes food taste soo much better too, doesn't it? Yeah-wine is relax time....for sure. Unfortunatley, when I quit cigarettes-I have to abstain from alcohol as well--for at least 2 months or so...but I did smoke! But that's ok-i'm getting the gum today-I think I got that part outta my system. I think I just wanted to indulge in something, but I can't afford what I really want to indulge in (full body massage, quality new outfit, etc) so that was the cheapest way to do something normally "restricted". I haven't bought myself new clothes in a long time. :(
I am still concerned about school though--I didn't go to my morning class today. I hope I can figure this out and get in gear before the next semester starts. I used to love school...don't know what happened....Worried....
Thanks :)
Posted by sassyfrancesca on May 7, 2009, at 12:22:54
In reply to Temporary lapse in self-discipline or what?, posted by garnet71 on May 6, 2009, at 18:17:58
((Garnet))....Maybe you just wanted a break and to enjoy yourself.
No deep psychological reasons there!
Like Freud said: "Sometimes a cigar, is just...a cigar."
Sometimes you are feeling the need to do something that is enjoyable; escape from the hum-drum...
I haven't had sex in (aaarrhhhh) 5 years; didn't think I could go 5 minutes.
Hugs, Sassy
As one of my friends says: "It's not that serious"
Posted by Dinah on May 7, 2009, at 17:52:27
In reply to Temporary lapse in self-discipline or what?, posted by garnet71 on May 6, 2009, at 18:17:58
I have times like that. I don't know that my therapist gives any direct reason for it. He usually says something like "Why do you think you're doing it?" then I natter on and on and something sounds right to me.
Still, I still do it.
I figure I do it because at the moment, I'm not at all happy with my life. Or sometimes I'm anxious about something and blank it out, and manage to zone out on anything vaguely related to it. Yeah. The second one usually. I'm a huge ostrich.
Is there something you'd rather not think about right now? That you might be able to not think about if you aren't in that environment?
This is the end of the thread.
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