![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deerock on April 23, 2009, at 12:13:01
ive seen my therapist for 15 months, 3x per week. ive found it to be helpful in helping my identify how much i want to please my parents. and at the same time, i find myself still doing the same behaviors and not changing. so after 15 months i told her i need to find someone else to work with. she became slightly defensive and told me that it was in my best interested to stick it out with her and my desire to leave was likely my playing out a memory or repeating some kind of pattern that i have not yet recognized.
i feel trapped by her in some ways. i really feel like i can do better somewhere else or with a male therapist possible. and by planting the idea my leaving is self destructive, i feel really torn.
i called my psychiatrist who knows her. he told me that he knows she is good and he thinks that i might be doing myself a disservice if i leave. now i feel even more trapped.
is this what is supposed to happen in therapy? many of my friends tell me that for 15 months, i have never said much good about my therapy experiences. i often complain to my therapist that what she is doing isnt working and she tells me that im not able to see the good in things.
it feels like i need to leave but her and my psychiatrist tell me to stay. im not sure what to do at this point. thanks for reading this.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 23, 2009, at 12:42:41
In reply to really confused about my therapist, posted by deerock on April 23, 2009, at 12:13:01
I say go with your gut. Only YOU know what is working for you and is not. Everyone has an opinon, it doesn't mean that it is true for YOU!
Hugs, Alice
(P.S.) Try seeing someone else (interview more than 1), and see if they are a better fit. If you don't feel much or anything is happening/helping you, then try someone else.
Feeling "trapped" isn't what therapy should be about. You should feel comfortable with your t and able to open up about anything.
Staying....might be self-destructive.
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by deerock on April 23, 2009, at 12:52:44
In reply to Re: really confused about my therapist » deerock, posted by sassyfrancesca on April 23, 2009, at 12:42:41
thanks sassy!
Posted by fleeting flutterby on April 23, 2009, at 15:02:41
In reply to Re: really confused about my therapist » deerock, posted by sassyfrancesca on April 23, 2009, at 12:42:41
Sorry you are struggling deerock.
I agree with what Sassy said.
I think you should go with how YOU feel NOT with what others tell you. I believe 15 months should be enough time to tell if this particular situation is working well or not so well. 15 months at 3x a week-- that's 45 visits.... seems to me you've given it a good go.Good luck with things-- keep us updated, K?
flutterby-mandy
Posted by seldomseen on April 23, 2009, at 16:57:23
In reply to really confused about my therapist, posted by deerock on April 23, 2009, at 12:13:01
I may have a crappy therapist, but in my therapy I'm the one that does all the work.
I'm the one that has to apply the insights I get from therapy. I'm the one that has to carry the sadness and the realizations.
My therapist is just the catalyst. Granted sometimes I'm just floored at how easily he leads me to conclusions, or points out the obvious when I have just been totally oblivious, but it all falls back to me. Sigh. But I guess it's my life I'm trying to make better.
I guess it's not enough simply to know what the problem is, active steps have to be taken to correct it.
And it does take time to move from realization to action.
Maybe instead of quitting with this therapist, you dropped back on the number of sessions per week. I know if I went 3x a week, it would be very hard to process, integrate and apply what I had learned in the previous session. Maybe you just need some perspective.
Seldom.
Posted by raisinb on April 23, 2009, at 17:01:39
In reply to really confused about my therapist, posted by deerock on April 23, 2009, at 12:13:01
Hi Deerock,
Well, she might be right, or she might be wrong. Maybe your wanting to flee *is* a repetition of a destructive pattern, or maybe it's a healthy drive. But I don't like the fact that she wouldn't take your concerns seriously and discuss them in depth with you. When a client wants to leave, that's what a therapist should do. My therapist and I have spent countless hours talking about the minutiae of my desire to get out of this relationship. She expresses her feelings, but she always respects that it's my decision to make and that she and I can care about each other, but still disagree.
In the end, this is your money, your life, your growth. If your therapist can discuss these feelings with you--nondefensively--and you can get to the root of what's causing them, then that's a good sign, no matter what you choose to do eventually. If she simply keeps dismissing them, though, I think that she is missing a crucial opportunity in your therapy and you might consider leaving on that reason alone.
Try consulting with another therapist, too. I have done that a handful of times and it's always been helpful (and by the way, people were split on the final decision--I had to make that myself). But it was helpful.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 23, 2009, at 20:38:35
In reply to really confused about my therapist, posted by deerock on April 23, 2009, at 12:13:01
So you have learned that it was really important to you to please your parents. And now two parental figures in your life want you to do something and... You... Need to assert your independence? Do you think that could be it? Would it maybe be worth processing that with them? Up to you, I guess.
Posted by Dinah on April 24, 2009, at 17:14:46
In reply to really confused about my therapist, posted by deerock on April 23, 2009, at 12:13:01
You say you've been unhappy about your therapy from the beginning. Has there been a good side to your therapy? I was miserable for years with my therapist, but I was also firmly attached, and I got a lot of benefit from the relationship as well as distress.
Is this your first therapist? Have you had successful relationships with other therapists?
I do think there's a tendency for people to think that they need to stay with the therapist they have, instead of moving on if it doesn't work. But as I know from my own experience, it's also possible to try to run from beneficial therapy.
I really like the idea of an independent consultant therapist with no ties or loyalties to your therapist. They rarely are dogmatic in telling someone to leave their therapist, but hopefully a good one will help you sort out the issues involved, and lead to you either moving on or feeling better about staying.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 24, 2009, at 17:46:51
In reply to Re: really confused about my therapist » deerock, posted by Dinah on April 24, 2009, at 17:14:46
> I do think there's a tendency for people to think that they need to stay with the therapist they have, instead of moving on if it doesn't work. But as I know from my own experience, it's also possible to try to run from beneficial therapy.> I really like the idea of an independent consultant therapist with no ties or loyalties to your therapist. They rarely are dogmatic in telling someone to leave their therapist, but hopefully a good one will help you sort out the issues involved, and lead to you either moving on or feeling better about staying.
I agree.
Posted by deerock on April 27, 2009, at 13:38:47
In reply to really confused about my therapist, posted by deerock on April 23, 2009, at 12:13:01
it was really helpful to hear everyone's input. i feel like i am making some good strides with my therapist on these issues. thanks to everyone who spent the time to read and respond to me. have a nice day.
rock
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.