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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on October 12, 2007, at 15:27:43
This is e-mail I sent to T :-(
Just questions/comments:
1. I keep sending short mails, cuz then once its sent its sent. And then its more truth. If I try and compile I read and revise, over and over, and depending on where the thot came from and who its read by, it gets changed, and the original context gets lost.
2. I just goto ask, and mebbe there's no answer....but WhyTF don't you just dump me? I goto be SO freakin irritating. Annoying. Timeconsuming. Rude. Crazy. Dumb, Inconsistant, aggravating, challenging client ever known to you. WHY do you persist? It is illogical. Completely illogical. Ikid figgers we gonna wreck ya. Contaminate ya. So, you got your sh*t together?, cuz if you don't got your sh*t together, then we gonna mess you up. And reckon someone figgers if you had a brain in your head you'd get shut of me ASAP.
3. If you NOT gonna dump me...what you gonna do if I get pissed at something, like really mad? You gonna get all scared? NEVER show fear. Or mebbe you gonna get mad at me, well f*ck you if you get mad at me. You mad? HA.
4. B2's T wouldn't let her leave one time, she CLOSED THE FRIGGIN DOOR ON HER. If you too stupid to dump me, I tell you this, NEVER EVER EVER do that to me. Don't touch me, don't restrain me, don't physically stop me going out the door. EVER.
5. If you gonna dump me let me know before Tuesday, cuz ya know, I cancelled a meeting with the Prime Minister to go....I can always phone him and re-instate the meeting...I'm important people ya know..............................ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes the printed word f*cks everything up, but manoman its kinda funny too!!!! 1-4 is serious, #5 I just joshin bout the PM. But I would like to know B4 Tues if you doing any dumping. I OK w/that.
Posted by Poet on October 12, 2007, at 17:14:01
In reply to So if YOU were the T..would this make you mad?, posted by muffled on October 12, 2007, at 15:27:43
Hi Muffled,
I think your T should be flattered that you canceled that meeting with the prime minister. I actually did laugh out loud when I read that, so I guess it's IRL LOL.
If I were a T I wouldn't be mad about your email, I would think that you are looking for some reassurance that it's okay to tell it like it is and that you won't be penalized for it.
I think it's good that you gave her a deadline of Tuesday to respond. I honestly don't think she'll dump you, she's really hung in there despite her frequent (boo!) absences. I hope she gives you an honest reponse that throw everything her way and she'll either duck or catch it. Emotional pillows or rocks coming her way.
Today, there were no pillows on my T's loveseat and I asked her where they were. She said two people were sitting on it so she took them off to give them more room and then got them for me. I didn't use them, but liked that they were handy.
Poet
Posted by rskontos on October 12, 2007, at 17:29:11
In reply to Re: So if YOU were the T..would this make you mad? » muffled, posted by Poet on October 12, 2007, at 17:14:01
M, if I were your T I would not get mad I would recognize that your just needing reassurance. You have a hard time wondering why anyone would find it easy it be around all the parts of you. I guess maybe you find it hard too. I know I do and I am scared. I wonder why a T would get so caught up into it. But if you think about the life of a T you know that they choose this field because they want to help.It is too stressful not to. For your T to have hung in as long as she has then I don't think she will dump you see wants to help you and she knows dumping you is what you expects. Every one of us with inner voices expects it, it is why we have them in the first place. We have been through trauma that caused us to split ourselves off from the trauma to create this inner id to deal with what we couldn't. Knowing that she won't do what you expect because a good T does what she needs to do to help her patient. And I think yours is good.
Now if she does cancell Tuesday meeting it might be because meeting the Prime minister might take priority. HHAHAHAHA. I laughed when I read that too. No seriously, It probably doesn't help you because she is gone so much. Gives you too much time to think about things.
Still she should be strong enough to handle anything and everything you dump on her. I think she will see you through this. rk
Posted by Phillipa on October 12, 2007, at 19:59:08
In reply to Re: So if YOU were the T..would this make you mad?, posted by rskontos on October 12, 2007, at 17:29:11
I don't feel she will be mad as you expressed your needs and fears and are looking for the reassurance that she will be there. Phillipa
Posted by muffled on October 12, 2007, at 21:56:19
In reply to Re: So if YOU were the T..would this make you mad?, posted by Phillipa on October 12, 2007, at 19:59:08
Thanks guys, I DID re-sched meeting with P.M., in case she don't dump me...
i guess another concern I have...is that maybe she be taking these breaks cuz she IS having troubles herself?
Dunno. Mebbe its just me, but she does have quite a few breaks it seems. Like she went away, but she also took anuther week off too even though she home.
And she has cut down her hours. She used to work, well I'm not sure, but i think she worked kinda mon-fri sort of thing. He home situ has changed, so mebbe its just that, but I dunno....
And she says she's 'there', but in reality she is not. She is there Tues/Wed and thats bout it. In my mind. Tho the e-mail helps. But I e-mail WAY too much. She already does so much by leaving messages and phoning. i gonna suck her dry :-( I am a soul sucker, gonna wreck her.
I don't think my concerns are totally fabricated in my mind. They are based on the truth of what I know of my T (which is some, but not much proly).
And she is gentle and kind mostly....though I bet she got a temper!!!but i don't get to see it. Too bad, bet she can get REALLY mad! LOL!
Mebbe she get real mad at me :-(
Therapy sucks.
It just sucks.
But I just goto have inner peace, or one day I will die of it.
And my IRL kids need their ma.
Pain=growth.
So I s'pose i'm a better person for all this.
I want to help others too.
I read bout Justice circles. Maybe that. I was a delinquent (convicted but no juvytime, no adult record) so I can relate.
Just got to get it together.
I wished T's were around more.
But boundaries make sense.
But sometimes....I just wish somehow...I dunno...I guess I wished I could actually let go for a bit, steada holding all tight all the time, and only being allowed to vent pressure by SI. Cuz SI shows I tough. SI got no tears. So its allowed.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
I feel real alone.
Know I am not.
But 'cept for babble & T, nobbody knows bout US.
Sucks.
It all sucks.
Sorry.
M
Posted by muffled on October 13, 2007, at 23:06:23
In reply to Re: So if YOU were the T..would this make you mad?, posted by muffled on October 12, 2007, at 21:56:19
and this will hope fully pass.
But its like I am wondering if cuz of the T thing, how its so unbalanced, the relationship thing.
I wondering, what if my T is a complete nuthead and terribly incompetant and I been wasting all this money, and who IS she anyways???? WTF CAN she know? What the hell have I DONE , said???? She knows stuff, DAMN.
I want to run and hide and never look at her again cuz I SUCH an idiot. Made SUCH a fool of myself :-(
And I thinking I TOO an mutant idiot. That somehow I not in reality bout me.
And I just stupid too.
I spent all these years WASTING my life, cuz I an idiot.
WASTED.
:-(
I dunno WHATS going on.
M
Posted by happyflower on October 14, 2007, at 5:54:42
In reply to OK, Now I am completely freaked out, posted by muffled on October 13, 2007, at 23:06:23
You are NOT an idiot Muffy! Not sure what is going on with therapy, but is sounds like you could be questioning your T ability. Which to me is a good thing! She is just another person, but hopefully one trained to know how to do therapy. So just be you, I have never once hear you say that your T said you were an idiot or anything bad about yourself.
I like who you are, you are special, I wish you could believe me. Someday day you will realize I am right! lol
Posted by B2chica on October 15, 2007, at 8:19:47
In reply to So if YOU were the T..would this make you mad?, posted by muffled on October 12, 2007, at 15:27:43
i think you are trying to give her VERY very important information in a way that you can.
i think it is Very important to talk to her about this, and email is just as good as person sometimes.
and....hehe SOOO love #2. cuz i agree 100% that i gonna effect my T that way too...well, and others.and #4 was Very good Muffled! you told her an Exact need that you have. i for one am proud of you. its SOOO hard for me to tell my needs. mostly cuz i don't feel i deserve them. i have them, i want her to know them, but i just cant tell them.
any reply?
Posted by B2chica on October 15, 2007, at 8:26:39
In reply to OK, Now I am completely freaked out, posted by muffled on October 13, 2007, at 23:06:23
muffled!
ok, this will most likely pass...BUT its important that you feel this stuff. cuz this is YOUR life and YOUR money. its important that you are asking these questions cuz sometimes this means that you are maybe getting ready to take another step closer to trusting her...at least that was my case. i usually went through this phase about a dozen times with T.
BUT remember...she IS just human...its ok to ask her about her education background. how much clinical experience she has, and how much DD or trauma experience she has.
and i guarantee she WONT know it all and if she thinks that, she's Fooling ONLY herself! and she's NOT someone you want to go to.
and you are NOT an idiot or any such nonsense!
you're my friend!"Nothings wasted that makes one flourish"
Posted by pegasus on October 15, 2007, at 10:24:59
In reply to So if YOU were the T..would this make you mad?, posted by muffled on October 12, 2007, at 15:27:43
Hey muffled,
If I were the T I would be glad to get your email, and I would interpret it as you being more open about the real struggles that you have between sessions. I'd be super glad to know what was going on there. And I'd not be at all angry or defensive or anything about what you said. I'd think about how hard it is to come in and do therapy with all those fears, and I'd appreciate that you continue to do it. And I'd probably try to be really clear with you about the fact that I can handle what you need to give, and that I'm not going to dump you, and why.
And . . . I'd probably really think about the answers to some of your questions. How am I going to handle it if you get really mad, etc. And if I wasn't sure, I'd consult with someone to come up with some ideas about that.
Does that sound like what you hope or fear from her? I'm not a professional T, so maybe she'll be different.
peg
Posted by muffled on October 15, 2007, at 13:40:27
In reply to Re: So if YOU were the T..would this make you mad?, posted by pegasus on October 15, 2007, at 10:24:59
This is the end of the thread.
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