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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 26, 2007, at 19:57:54
I wrote the below to give my T this week in honor of our 22 years together. I'd appreciate your comments.
As far as the gift goes, I loved the idea of weaving something, but I just couldn't pull it off. So I ordered her a Shona stone Mother and Child Infinity sculpture (thanks for the idea, Dinah). I haven't given up on the weaving forever, just for now. I may try to work on something between now and Christmas.
Here's the letter:
Dear T:
This month marks 22 years that I have known you -- half my life. So it seems like a good time to take a moment to thank you for all that you've given me, not least of which is a life.
I was 22 when I came to you, but emotionally just a preschooler. I'm still not completely sure why you didn't just give up on me those first few years -- God knows many others did. When I sat in almost total silence for YEARS, you sat with me -- encouraging me to talk, but never trying to force me to.
When I constantly drove by your house, you figured out before I did that my sense of safety was directly proportional to my nearness to you. Even though you occasionally got annoyed with me over it (and who wouldn't?), you never once threatened to throw me out or call the police. When I saw myself as an insane stalker, you saw the terrified little girl I was.
When I called you incessantly because it was the only time I could make the words come out, you put appropriate limits in place, but you also took or returned an amazing number of my calls and you got me through the really awful times, as you continue to do to this day.
When I had no idea what a safety net was, much less how to make one for myself, you quietly made one for me, then showed me how to stitch one together myself, then held my hand while I made one and now, 22 years later, you continue to help me patch the frayed parts. And you never let go of my hand.
You found the person inside of me who enjoys and craves hugs and cuddling and you made it safe for her to come out and you filled those aching black holes inside her.
You have been kind, warm, generous, gracious, loving, wise and more than I could have dreamed of when I first walked into your office. I don't know what kind of person I would be today if I hadn't had you by my side for the last 22 years, but I suspect I would be in a grave. For all the years I've known you, you've been steadfast in your belief that I could have a better life, be the person I wanted to be, be happy. I mostly didn't believe you until now, but your confidence sustained me.
I can't ever repay you and I can't even thank you adequately for all that you've given me, but please know that I know the effort, hours and heartache you've put into the project of me. I appreciate it and love you more than you will ever know.
Love,
Me
Posted by 10derHeart on March 26, 2007, at 21:55:25
In reply to Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigger), posted by TherapyGirl on March 26, 2007, at 19:57:54
Wow. Amazing. Beautiful. What a testament to her as a person and a therapist and to therapy itself.
You seemed to have captured the essence of something that must be incredibly hard to even begin to capture the essence of (after 22 years), if that makes sense.
You are quite a talented writer, BTW.
I'll assume it's okay if this makes her cry, 'cause oh, it will. In the best way possible.
Thank you so much for being willing to share this with us.
Posted by frida on March 26, 2007, at 22:49:55
In reply to Re: Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigg » TherapyGirl, posted by 10derHeart on March 26, 2007, at 21:55:25
Beautiful. It made me cry.
She'll just love it.
Frida
> Wow. Amazing. Beautiful. What a testament to her as a person and a therapist and to therapy itself.
>
> You seemed to have captured the essence of something that must be incredibly hard to even begin to capture the essence of (after 22 years), if that makes sense.
>
> You are quite a talented writer, BTW.
>
> I'll assume it's okay if this makes her cry, 'cause oh, it will. In the best way possible.
>
> Thank you so much for being willing to share this with us.
Posted by Daisym on March 27, 2007, at 0:45:41
In reply to Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigger), posted by TherapyGirl on March 26, 2007, at 19:57:54
I love the way your feelings come through. I love the way you obviously love her.
Congrats to both of you.
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 8:34:15
In reply to Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigger), posted by TherapyGirl on March 26, 2007, at 19:57:54
It's just beautiful. I would be so touched to receive that.
I'm glad you liked the mother and child. There was something very touching about them to me.
Posted by bil on March 27, 2007, at 15:54:46
In reply to Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigger), posted by TherapyGirl on March 26, 2007, at 19:57:54
That is very beautiful... thank-you for sharing something so personal.
She sounds like an incredible person. :-)
bil
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 28, 2007, at 19:27:35
In reply to Re: Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigg » TherapyGirl, posted by 10derHeart on March 26, 2007, at 21:55:25
Thanks, 10der! I've been writing this letter in my head for months and then once I had it down on paper, I got nervous that it wasn't quite right. So I appreciate your comments to the contrary.
I don't know what I'll do if she cries -- she's only cried once (maybe twice) in all that time. The first time, I was completely freaked out that someone would cry for me -- it was when I was detailing some of my childhood stuff.
I'll let you all know what she does after the session.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 28, 2007, at 19:28:09
In reply to Re: Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigg » 10derHeart, posted by frida on March 26, 2007, at 22:49:55
Thanks, Frida. It's so nice to be able to check these things out with people who totally get the therapeutic relationship.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 28, 2007, at 19:29:26
In reply to Re: Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigger), posted by Daisym on March 27, 2007, at 0:45:41
Thanks, Daisy. That means a lot coming from you, because you always seem to express yourself and describe your relationship with your T so well.
I used to be afraid of loving her, or at least afraid of admitting it to her (I suspect you know why), but it feels completely safe and natural now.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 28, 2007, at 19:30:08
In reply to Re: Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigg » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 8:34:15
There is something touching about the mother and child, isn't there? I love it and I think she will, too.
Thanks for the help and support, Dinah.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 28, 2007, at 19:30:42
In reply to Re: Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigg, posted by bil on March 27, 2007, at 15:54:46
She is. And I feel very fortunate to have found her. Thanks for the support!
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 29, 2007, at 19:38:32
In reply to Anniversary Letter to T (might be slight trigger), posted by TherapyGirl on March 26, 2007, at 19:57:54
Thanks to all of you for all of your help with this. I think my T really liked the Mother and Child Shona Stone and she understood the symbolism completely.
She didn't cry when she read the letter, but her eyes got a little wet and she hugged me for a long time. Then she said in my ear, "You're special to me. I know I'm not supposed to say that, but you're very special to me."
Then we spent some time talking about those first few years. She said she always knew I "was in there." We talked about her recognizing the scared little girl almost immediately and how patient and comfortable she was with waiting for me to feel safe. We talked a little bit about the therapists who are very uncomfortable with sitting in silence (especially for years). We also talked about why she wasn't afraid of me when I was driving by her house. She said she thought it helped that even though she was new as a therapist, she was older (this was a 2nd career for her), so she had some maturity and life experience that younger Ts don't have. She confirmed that she was never afraid of me because she always knew I was in there and she wasn't at all confused by the things I did.
She also pointed out that I didn't mention the times I've been furious with her in the letter (and y'all have witnessed some of that). I told her it didn't seem appropriate to put that in a thank you letter. She said it was an important part of our relationship and that part of our connection was based on our ability to get through the anger (I'm not saying this as well as she did). Anyway, it was very different from the way I was raised, which is that you get furious, you act out on it and then you sweep it under the rug and never mention it again.
It's a miracle when you find the right T, isn't it?
Thanks again for the ideas, advice, support and most of all for being a safe place to talk about this stuff.
This is the end of the thread.
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