![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 13:18:07
I am moving to India in Mid August. My husband has got a job, and I have started looking for one.
My T is on vacation for 2 weeks. So we calculated that we have only 5 sessions totally with her.
And she said that she wants to spend the rest of the time with her closing down, and not get into further therapy. She said she understands that closure is what is important to me now, and she wants to give me adequate time to close down comfortably with her to sort of rewrite what happened with my ex T.
She said she would not be giving me her email address - that she wants me to really close with her and asking me to write to her after closing will put me in the same dilemma and repeat what happened with my ex T. And that she never has given her email to anyone so far in the last 20 years.
I don't know what I will do in India.. of who I will find.. I really like my current T - I am not extremely attached to her, but she has been very good in giving me insights. I wonder what I will do to find someone like that in India.. I don't want to go again to goal oriented short term therapy that is the usual indian style.. I want to really get someone who will help heal my emotions. And my current T thinks I need continued support from a psychologist.
This is like a termination strikes before I heal fully from a prior termination..
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 23, 2005, at 15:46:33
In reply to Closing with my current T as well. 5 more sessions, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 13:18:07
How do you feel about your T saying that she wouldn't give you her email address? Do you agree w/ her, or does that just hurt even more?
EE
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 15:54:27
In reply to Closing with my current T as well. 5 more sessions, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 13:18:07
My mind is still full with my ex T and that termination, that I feel I don't even have the bandwith to assess myself of how I would react to another termination now.
Partly, I feel it won't be that much of an issue either way, because I was cautious enough to not get attached to her from the beginning. And she didn't encourage it either. So I am hoping that it won't be an issue and I should be able to say GoodBye effortlessly.
But part of me feels that she has helped me a lot, and I would like to atleast update her about what is happening with me - but I really don't think she wants to keep in touch. So I feel if she gives me her email id, then I would feel obligated to write to her if anything happens, or if I feel bad I might be tempted to ask her for suggestions, and she may not reply. Then I will have to go through the same torture of what happened with my ex T again, and I feel it might be better to just close down alltogether and close the door firmly. Ideally I would like to keep in touch with her - maybe write once in 6 months or so, and would like to receive a brief reply from her too - but if she hasn't done it with any patient of hers for 20 years, I am pretty sure she won't be willing to make an exception in my case.
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 16:04:06
In reply to Frankly I don't know what to feel » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 15:54:27
I am thinking that even if I terminate with her, lot of my emotional resource will be spent on processing what happened with my ex T. Just becuase he is a guy, and I have all this confusing transference towards him. I feel warm and affectionate towards my current T, but I don't feel all these pangs of loss. Plus termination is also going to be done more in an appropriate way - we have decided to talk a lot about it in the next 5 sessions - in fact she says we need to talk only about that hereafter. So I am pretty sure I will be able to close down without feeling left or abandoned. I might miss her insights and ability to understand me thoroughly, but I think I will be able to close down without going through hurt and pain.
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 16:07:53
In reply to More than likely I will be worrying about ex Tmore » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 16:04:06
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 16:18:06
In reply to What will I address him as then? Ex Ex T? :-) (nm) » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 16:07:53
To still worry about my ex Ts termination when my current T wants to really help me get closure?
She has really helped me a lot - I got great relief for my emotional tensions and stress with her - which I have to admit, even my ex T couldn't understand and help me with. But still somehow I always feel more loyal to him than I feel towards her.. I still really think of him only as my T even though she has been nothing but great. And she has really been helpful to me. But my mind always goes to analyzing about my ex T.. and more than likely he has completely forgotten me by now and quite likely didn't care too much about me before as well. He is an important guy - and he has hundreds of other things and people to worry about - and I would be the last person on him mind.
Why is it my mind is not appreciating someone who really cares about me? and instead keeps going towards someone who doesn't bother too much about me?
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 23, 2005, at 17:08:18
In reply to Frankly I don't know what to feel » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 15:54:27
>
> But part of me feels that she has helped me a lot, and I would like to atleast update her about what is happening with me - but I really don't think she wants to keep in touch. So I feel if she gives me her email id, then I would feel obligated to write to her if anything happens, or if I feel bad I might be tempted to ask her for suggestions, and she may not reply. Then I will have to go through the same torture of what happened with my ex T again, and I feel it might be better to just close down alltogether and close the door firmly. Ideally I would like to keep in touch with her - maybe write once in 6 months or so, and would like to receive a brief reply from her too - but if she hasn't done it with any patient of hers for 20 years, I am pretty sure she won't be willing to make an exception in my case.First let me say that this must be a struggle for you and I hope that the rest of us here can be helpful to you as you get through it. I'm going to be moving in a year or two and I am already worried about terminating with my T!
Even if your T doesn't communicate w/ clients after termination, that doesn't mean that she doesn't think about them or care about them. I liked your idea about every 6 months. You should ask her about it. And if she doesn't feel comfortable with it, maybe you could make an agreement that you will write her, but you don't expect a response from her. That way you could know that she knows what is going on with you and is thinking about you, w/o the pressure. Am I making sense?
Best,
EE
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 17:21:24
In reply to Re: Frankly I don't know what to feel, posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 23, 2005, at 17:08:18
I am pretty sure she won't write back to me. But I have gone through extreme torture with this concept of writing and not having to expect a reply with my ex T. I thought I was ok with that for a long time. But I really wasn't. Every time I wrote, I would check my mails several times in a day for many weeks - sometiems months before I give up. IT is quite a torture.. I don't want to go through it again with one more person.
I am sure she wanted to treat me well, but I don't think she cares beyond that. I wouldn't want to do the same mistake twice.
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:22:30
In reply to Closing with my current T as well. 5 more sessions, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 13:18:07
> I am moving to India in Mid August. My husband has got a job, and I have started looking for one.
Wow, pinkeye! I know you and your husband had been thinking about this for a long time, but this is really a surprise, even though I knew you'd talked about it. I hope you can get all the support you need in India, will you be able to do that?
With all that you've been through I know how hard this will be for you. You've really had a lot of courage - thinking about moving, a new job, a baby, and trying to find closure with your T(s).
Did you by any chance read the articles that happyflower posted the link to a few posts back? They were excellent, and might help you deal with the pain of your abandonment, I don't know.
Jazzy
Posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 18:04:04
In reply to Closing with my current T as well. 5 more sessions, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 13:18:07
> I am moving to India in Mid August. My husband has got a job, and I have started looking for one.
Gosh. So it’s definite then. That decision can’t have been easy.
> My T is on vacation for 2 weeks. So we calculated that we have only 5 sessions totally with her.
>
> And she said that she wants to spend the rest of the time with her closing down, and not get into further therapy. She said she understands that closure is what is important to me now, and she wants to give me adequate time to close down comfortably with her to sort of rewrite what happened with my ex T.That sounds like a good thing. I’m glad she’s going to take termination very seriously.
> She said she would not be giving me her email address - that she wants me to really close with her and asking me to write to her after closing will put me in the same dilemma and repeat what happened with my ex T. And that she never has given her email to anyone so far in the last 20 years.
Maybe it’s for the best. And this therapy relationship has been much shorter and less intense than the relationship with your ex-T.
> I don't know what I will do in India.. of who I will find.. I really like my current T - I am not extremely attached to her, but she has been very good in giving me insights. I wonder what I will do to find someone like that in India.. I don't want to go again to goal oriented short term therapy that is the usual indian style.. I want to really get someone who will help heal my emotions. And my current T thinks I need continued support from a psychologist.
I agree with your current T. I get the impression you would really benefit from some long term therapy with someone who understand emotions.
> This is like a termination strikes before I heal fully from a prior termination..
Ouch. Yes, I can imagine that you might not feel ready yet for another termination. I hope it goes as well as possible in the curcumstances.
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 18:44:42
In reply to Re: Closing with my current T as well. 5 more sessions » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 18:04:04
> I hope it goes as well as possible in the curcumstances.
actually I meant *circumstances*...
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 20:20:43
In reply to Why is my heart like this? » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 16:18:06
Actually I think I am going to miss her.. I am going to miss that she understands everything about me, and I am going to miss the very good explanation she always has for my stupidities.. I am really going to miss her. I have never found someone who understood me so very well, not even my ex T really. She understands where I am coming from all the time. SHe has never missed out anything..
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.