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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on December 30, 2004, at 23:10:24
I am missing my old T soooo much this week. I thought this morning that I don't even get to see my new T for another week. I haven't seen her for 2 weeks now, and although she doesn't mean as much to me as my old T, it's always nice to check in with her.
I feel like he's slipping away little by little and it scares me. I haven't talked to him in 3 months and it seems like years. I do have a letter that I will send him after New Year's but I think the school he works at will be on vacation til January 18th so I wonder when he will get it. Probably I won't hear from him for another month and then it will never be like it was when we were close and I could talk to him about the things that hurt me.
I wish I had a recording of his voice or that I could call his voice mail, but I don't even have that. He did call me a few times when I was in treatment but I always picked up and he never had a chance to leave a message. All I have is his picture and a little river rock he gave me my last session. And a thousand memories that are getting a little worn.
I have the feeling that my new T is getting tired of re-hashing my feelings about this at every session. Or maybe I'm projecting that onto her. But she seems to want to move on to more pertinent issues and I just feel stuck in that same spot.
When I read Daisy's posts about her T, it makes me think of the one I miss. They seem so much alike, so kind and tenderhearted. I know that somewhere in my heart it will always be May, and I will always be watching the man I love walk away from me. It's not a new story to me. The details may be different each time, but the story is the same.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 30, 2004, at 23:16:05
In reply to Missing my T :-(, posted by messadivoce on December 30, 2004, at 23:10:24
I am so sorry youre hurting I have not lost a T yet but I do know I dread it and think I know close to how sad and alone and lost you must feel. Just wanted you to know I care and am sorry for your pain
HUGS
Posted by 10derheart on December 30, 2004, at 23:41:56
In reply to Missing my T :-(, posted by messadivoce on December 30, 2004, at 23:10:24
Hi Voce,
I know. It's so hard. I have no magic or probably anything new, but I see the sadness in your writing. All I can say is try to imagine his voice you know so well if you can, if it helps. I know with me the things that help, end up hurting, too, sometimes. Remember your pain is due to such a great depth of caring, and that is quite a rare and beautiful gift. Hang on to the picture and rock for dear life. Our memories do go through some changes, mellow, fade, but I'll bet you won't lose as much as you think. I'd be scared, too, but no one can ever take away what you had.
It sounds hopeful you're even able to miss seeing your new T. a little bit. Knowing my situation (easier than yours by far, I know) please believe me I *get* that part. I'm doing better than well with T2. But he is not T1, and we've had to talk about T1. And it hurts like he**. I guess it's a grieving process that has to run it's own course.
Or so T1 has told me. Oops, am I still thinking of him? Yup.You hang in there, heck, you have to - I need you and your wonderful posts when I'm losing it.. :)
((Voce)) - 10der
Posted by messadivoce on December 31, 2004, at 18:05:43
In reply to Missing my T :-(, posted by messadivoce on December 30, 2004, at 23:10:24
I had lunch with a friend today who has actually been a good support to me in the past. We have supported each other through various hard times but as circumstances have gotten better for her, she has become less understanding of mine.
One of the coping mechanisms my old T suggested was to branch out and establish deeper friendships. I tend to take care of people and not share my own pain. He wanted me to open up to people more and seek support instead of suffering in silence.
Today I was telling this friend about how I'm still missing my T, and she said, "Well, it was only 7 months of your life. You can't hang onto it forever. If you feel this bad he never should have been your therapist."
I was so mad at her but I didn't say anything because she obviously doesn't understand that some things you can't measure in terms of time. My relationship with my T had to be measured in terms of depth and intensity, and yes, I'm still clinging to what is left of him even though he's gone. The last few times I've seen my friend she's told me that I need to have closure and move on. What if I don't want to? Is it selfish to hang on to this phantom? She made me feel so silly, and her words echo my own thoughts at times. Why can't I just pick up and move on?
Of course I know the answer. My relationship with my T shook me to the core. How can you just shove all that away and not think about it?
I'm glad there are people here on babble who understand and who are patient, and who are willing to read my ramblings. :-P
Posted by daisym on January 3, 2005, at 1:55:12
In reply to Stupid friends, posted by messadivoce on December 31, 2004, at 18:05:43
If you haven't experienced the intensity of therapy attachment, you just can't understand it. Until I was in it, I would have said what your friend did.
You can't move on, because you can't. It is as simple and as complicated as that. You need to figure out how to grieve this loss. And I think you are doing that, working on that. Grieving is a process. The ironic thing is that if he had died, everyone would be so much more understanding. Part of grieving is going over the stories again and again. And again, and again and again.
Just becareful who you are sharing with. You don't need people to make you feel worse. On the other hand, don't completely discard friends who can't understand. They just don't have a comparable experience. You will want them again when you get through this.
You will. Give yourself time. We are here to listen too.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by fallsfall on January 3, 2005, at 6:31:56
In reply to Missing my T :-(, posted by messadivoce on December 30, 2004, at 23:10:24
>I know that somewhere in my heart it will always be May, and I will always be watching the man I love walk away from me. It's not a new story to me. The details may be different each time, but the story is the same.
If this has a familiar feeling to it, them perhaps some of your emotions are carrying over from earlier times. You are probably right that you are projection your own impatience to get done with this onto your therapist. Perhaps if you can talk about some of the other times when you have lived this "story", it could help to clarify a pattern. Sometimes doing that can help you to separate the old feelings from the current ones.
Good luck
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