Posted by messadivoce on December 31, 2004, at 18:05:43
In reply to Missing my T :-(, posted by messadivoce on December 30, 2004, at 23:10:24
I had lunch with a friend today who has actually been a good support to me in the past. We have supported each other through various hard times but as circumstances have gotten better for her, she has become less understanding of mine.
One of the coping mechanisms my old T suggested was to branch out and establish deeper friendships. I tend to take care of people and not share my own pain. He wanted me to open up to people more and seek support instead of suffering in silence.
Today I was telling this friend about how I'm still missing my T, and she said, "Well, it was only 7 months of your life. You can't hang onto it forever. If you feel this bad he never should have been your therapist."
I was so mad at her but I didn't say anything because she obviously doesn't understand that some things you can't measure in terms of time. My relationship with my T had to be measured in terms of depth and intensity, and yes, I'm still clinging to what is left of him even though he's gone. The last few times I've seen my friend she's told me that I need to have closure and move on. What if I don't want to? Is it selfish to hang on to this phantom? She made me feel so silly, and her words echo my own thoughts at times. Why can't I just pick up and move on?
Of course I know the answer. My relationship with my T shook me to the core. How can you just shove all that away and not think about it?
I'm glad there are people here on babble who understand and who are patient, and who are willing to read my ramblings. :-P
poster:messadivoce
thread:435873
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/436126.html