Shown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on December 14, 2004, at 1:20:44
Okay people, my new T suggested that I write a letter to my old T and tell him all the things I wish I could say. She's all about stating your truth and that there's freedom in that. I may agree. I've been resistant to this idea for a long time, but I recently composed a letter to him and now I'm re-reading it and worrying that it's too raw and emotional. Should I wait til I'm more logical? (It's been 7 months. Am I ever going to GET more logical?) What follows is the most emotional part of my letter to him.
"Your leaving was one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. I was prepared, but not enough. It was like losing my father’s affection all over again. I think both of us were wishfully thinking when we concluded that I was ready to terminate. I wasn’t. I have felt stuck in that spot for a long time.
You know that I had very strong feelings of attraction, dependency and affection towards you. A great deal of it was transference. There wasn’t enough time to work through it. I think I started to see the way out a few months before we terminated. But I regressed and you weren’t there to see me through.
It angers me sometimes that you allowed me to become attached to you and yes, to love you, and then left me before I was ready to let you go. It seems cruel sometimes. I know you didn’t mean it to be like that. I know you wanted the best things for me. But this is what I was left with.
I have missed you. I have longed for you, wanted you desperately, been angry, resentful and hopeful at intervals. I have worked myself to death wishing to forget the whole thing. I have tried to drown it all in social activities, in margaritas, in too many class units and hours of practicing. I have thought of you every day and dreamed of you at night. I have finally cried for you."
Posted by 10derheart on December 14, 2004, at 2:47:39
In reply to Too Raw?, posted by messadivoce on December 14, 2004, at 1:20:44
No, dear Voce, it's too beautiful. Oh, but that's my reaction, the letter is for your old T. Sorry, but it moved me to tears. But, you probably recall some of my similar situation. I think it's lovely. You are clear, direct and oh-so-honest. If that's "raw" to him, well, he'll have to deal with it and learn and will be all the better for it. I doubt, from all you've shared, that he'd expect anything less real. I think you write beautifully and shouldn't change a thing.
Our paths parallel once again, in a way. I'll explain in a new thread tomorrow. It's so da*n hard, isn't it? I think you are a strong, loving person, working hard with a new T. while trying to heal from what happened. Makes my deal seem very easy and almost silly. But, despite "better" circumstances, all I do is cry some days. So glad you released all that after 7 months. I've been having crying spells for 5 months with no end in sight.. :( I see my new T. for the 2nd time tomorrow. He's nice and will probably help me, but oh, how I wish....oh he**! Thank God for this board, ya' know?
Please keep posting. Thinking of you often...10derHeart
Posted by fallsfall on December 14, 2004, at 7:43:52
In reply to Too Raw?, posted by messadivoce on December 14, 2004, at 1:20:44
I think you are very honest, and honesty is what therapy is all about. I hope that this can help heal your hurts.
Posted by annierose on December 14, 2004, at 13:49:17
In reply to Re: Too Raw? » messadivoce, posted by fallsfall on December 14, 2004, at 7:43:52
I think it's a great letter and not only should you feel confident in sending it, maybe you should let your new T read it too. I say that, not that her input to your letter is important, but so she knows how deeply you cared for your former T (although she probably already knows that). Be proud of yourself for putting thought to paper.
Posted by underthecs on December 15, 2004, at 8:23:14
In reply to Too Raw?, posted by messadivoce on December 14, 2004, at 1:20:44
Wow! That letter is awesome. I wish I could say those things to mine. That's exactly how I feel, and so eloquently stated.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.