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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Speaker on April 20, 2004, at 21:21:36
I have trouble trusting my new T. I think is't that I feel therapy is a false sense of security! I know if I call my T he will talk with me but if I get sick he will not check up on me. So where is the sense of security that someone is there for me? It's like we pay for a caring relationship to help us learn more about ourselves...it's a strange relationship. I am suppose to trust him with everything about me but I know nothing about him...why would I trust? Do others feel this way?
Posted by shadows721 on April 20, 2004, at 22:49:29
In reply to T's...false sense of security!, posted by Speaker on April 20, 2004, at 21:21:36
I can totally relate to your feelings. I had that for years until I found the right t. I have had 3 therapists before the last one. My first was very nice, but she cried when I shared details of my abuse. I couldn't do that anymore. I felt like I was hurting her. I wasn't even crying. The next t was just too cold. I just couldn't bond with her for anything in the world. The next t was great until she had a baby. After that, she acted very parental with me. I said no to that one too. This last one feels like I am not with a t at all. She mainly listens to me, which is a good sign.
I totally agree with you. It is a very unusual relationship. You aren't friends. Therapy is just that. It is just for you.
If this is the right t for you, you will in time feel able to let down and open up. But, let your instincts be your guide. It isn't always easy to find the right match. You have to feel very comfortable with this person to get what you need.
Posted by toomuchpain on April 20, 2004, at 22:57:59
In reply to Re: T's...false sense of security!, posted by shadows721 on April 20, 2004, at 22:49:29
i feel the same way ... i think that there is really no way u can trust someone that u dont know anything about i think that is very hard ... not sayin i never did trust a therspist because i have ... maybe what i went htrough is what my opinin is based on ... u never really know who that therapist really is intill or if they show there real selves which could be devasting ,...i kno that i will never trust my new theraipt like i trusted my ex one ..i dont really like the fact that i have to pay a arm and leg just to feel i have someone to talk too ... i think it is all kinda fake ..
Posted by pegasus on April 21, 2004, at 11:30:50
In reply to T's...false sense of security!, posted by Speaker on April 20, 2004, at 21:21:36
Oh, yeah, trust is a biggy. I think the therapy relationship is very confusing and frustrating that way. As tmp said, it's weird to be paying (a lot!) for someone to support you, when it seems like genuine caring and support would not have a price tag on it. But, I also think that just because we pay doesn't mean that they don't really care. I mean, they don't have to be doing that particular job, right? They do it because they care about people. Including you.
And, that said, it's not like other relationships in our lives. They're not our mothers, or our friends, or our lovers. But sometimes we have feelings about them like we do for those other people in our lives. I think that's because those roles are familiar to us, and the therapy relationship is not something we get to practice in any other role. So we try to make sense out of it by comparing it to these other roles. And, it isn't a direct comparison, so things get confusing.
My old T used to say that we had a friendship within our therapy relationship. Which mean that we can't be friends outside of that relationship, but we can inside of it. To me it meant that we had those warm feelings about each other that you have with friends, but that we needed to observe all of the limitations of a therapeutic relationship, because that was best for both of us.
It's hard to accept limits on close relationships, but we do it all the time in other ways. For example, we don't have sex with our platonic friends even if we're attracted. We don't ask our coworkers to hold us, we don't hire our spouses (usually). I *think* that the only reason therapy feels different is because we have no precedent in our lives for that type of intimacy with those types of limits on it.
Sorry, got a little long winded there. This is just something that I'm trying to work through lately.
pegasus
Posted by Speaker on April 21, 2004, at 18:12:33
In reply to Re: T's...false sense of security!, posted by pegasus on April 21, 2004, at 11:30:50
This is the end of the thread.
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