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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by brokenbaby on September 16, 2006, at 19:19:13
Hi. I'm new here. I suffer from borderline personality disorder, severe depression, and a few more mental disabilities. I am on meds I've been to Homewood. I have reached out to anyone I can to no avail. I am now in full mode to finish my life. Unfortunately this is what makes me feel happy. Only I feel scared to do it. I am so messed up.
Posted by Jost on September 17, 2006, at 19:27:38
In reply to no where left to turn, posted by brokenbaby on September 16, 2006, at 19:19:13
Hi, brokenbaby. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.
I haven't heard of Homewood, but maybe it wasn't the right place to find help.
Don't give up. It's possible to find help, although it can take a long time and seem awfully hard in the meantime.
Just--it's important not to give up-- and this is a good place to be-- You'll probably find people who've experienced, or are going through, some of the same things you are. Often, they have things to say that make a lot of sense.
Psychobabble has lots of places in it-- you'll find a lot here.
Jost
Posted by brokenbaby on September 18, 2006, at 6:42:13
In reply to Re: no where left to turn » brokenbaby, posted by Jost on September 17, 2006, at 19:27:38
Thank you Jost for your reply. I see there is lots on here. I am having a hard time with it as I am more used to and I like human contact better then this. I'm still new with computers. I had another breakdown last night in a 7-11 parking lot and feel control falling from my grip. I'm going to spend today in bed. I'm too lost for anything else
Posted by Jost on September 18, 2006, at 22:03:14
In reply to Re: no where left to turn » Jost, posted by brokenbaby on September 18, 2006, at 6:42:13
Hi again, brokenbaby.
I'm so sorry that you had a bad experience last night..
I've had those feelings too, and thought about how hard it was to go on-- that feeling that you're coming apart or losing it.
As real as these feelings are, and as hard as it is not to give in, I hope you don't let this sink you.
Feeling connected through the computer takes time. But it gets easier and more natural, especially if you come to the same place for a while and get to know people.
I hope you stick with us, here.
Did you spend the day in bed? Do you watch television or listen to music?
Tell me a little about anything you like. I'll check a little later and tomorrow to see if you've left a message.
Jost
Posted by brokenbaby on September 18, 2006, at 22:43:12
In reply to Re: no where left to turn » brokenbaby, posted by Jost on September 18, 2006, at 22:03:14
Hi Jost. Yes I spent all day in bed. I cried lots and stared out window. I had nasty thoughts of trying self-harm to see if it would make my head feel better. I am so messed up. I watched Sweet Home Alabama again...I've lost my belief in love yet I'm the first in line for a love story. ???
Posted by Jost on September 19, 2006, at 0:05:17
In reply to Re: no where left to turn » Jost, posted by brokenbaby on September 18, 2006, at 22:43:12
Hi, again, brokenbaby.
I like a love story, too. I haven't seen that movie, but the title reminds me of an old song--
I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself,. That's really important. It can be hard to resist impulses-- but I hope you can.
I'm glad, too, that you watched something you enjoyed.
When I'm sad, sometimes I cry at the movies. Or at television. It helps a little, feeling sad about something outside of myself--reminds me that I'm not as alone, and also that feeling sad, or a sense of loss, doesn't mean that I"m bad, or don't deserve things.
I hope that doesn't sound too pollyanna-ish. Too far from what you feel now. I know it must be hard now to believe in good possibilities or feeling okay.
So, tell me, do you live in the city or in a more rural neighborhood? What's the view from your window?
I'll be looking for you tomorrow. Hope I'll see you then.Jost
Posted by brokenbaby on September 19, 2006, at 13:19:50
In reply to Re: no where left to turn » brokenbaby, posted by Jost on September 19, 2006, at 0:05:17
Hi Jost. Leaving all the bad out and as if it were all new to me the view from my window is beautiful. Its the backyard which is surrounded by garden and trees, this blocks out the nieghbours yards and houses. Wildlife galore comes to my house. Birds, chipmunks, squirrels, rabbits, racoons and all the neighbourhood cats. I feed theses animals. A few of them are regulars. At my parents house we also have 3 dogs 4 cats 1 hamster and 1 rabbit. I am an animal lover. Dogs are number 1. I had to move back into my parents house so right now I live with them in a small town in Ontario. How about you? Have you watched any movies lately? good or bad? brokenbaby
Posted by Jost on September 19, 2006, at 18:58:50
In reply to Re: no where left to turn, posted by brokenbaby on September 19, 2006, at 13:19:50
Hi, brokenbaby.
I'm glad you have animals, and wildlife-- and love dogs. Your parents have so many different animals! I love dogs too, although I don't have one. I gew up in a small town, which was a lovely place.
Neighborhoods swith separate houses, rather than an apartment are so nice. I miss what you were describing---a backyard, lots of green grass and trees, one's own private corner.
I don't go to movies that much--mostlysee movies on a pay television channel. I've watched lots of bad movies-- although because it's television, at least I can turn them off.
I liked one recently "Kingdom of God," about battles for control of the city of Jerusalem in the Middle Ages. A few too many battle scenes-- but the actors were very good and the landscapes--the cinematography was really beautiful.
Did you go out today? take a walk, or sit in the backyard? Do you go to school or have a job? or are you inbetween things?
Jost
Posted by brokenbaby on September 19, 2006, at 20:25:38
In reply to Re: no where left to turn, posted by Jost on September 19, 2006, at 18:58:50
Hi Jost. I did go out this evening, I took my youngest daughter to her tap lessons. I am finished with school. I don't have it in me to do any more. I do work as a caregiver at a retirement home. Right now I am on temp leave of abscence as I am suffering a breakdown. I don't get paid for this, which sux yet it's so bad I cant work. How about you? school? work? I would like to say to you that I am so thankful to see replies from you. Thank you!! brokenbaby
Posted by Jost on September 19, 2006, at 23:47:58
In reply to Re: no where left to turn, posted by brokenbaby on September 19, 2006, at 20:25:38
Brokenbaby, I'm glad I came over here and that we started talking.
I really admire your being a caregiver. It's a hard job, and takes great dedication. It also can take its toll on you. And sometimes not appreciated-- at least with money--although families and those you've cared for probably have a very different point of view. My family has had some times when caregivers really made such a difference for us.
I'm artist, although I had originally studied to teach English lit. My Significant Other has a job that pays pretty well, so we get along. (I'm a woman, although my name sounds like a man's name, I just wanted you not to wonder later.)
About six or seven years ago, I went through an extremely hard time. I've gotten to a much better, more hopeful place, even though for a long time, I didn't think I would get through. So I know it can happen.
That's one reason it's important to take care of yourself, even though it's hard. When you're going through these things, it can seem as though it won't end. But it can get better.
I'm glad you went out. Sometimes just going out, seeing faces, maybe having a coffee somewhere, or buying a magazine-- can take your mind off things for a while.
I'd like to hear more about you and also your children. How old is your youngest? and your others? Are they in school? doing okay?
I was wondering, are you seeing anyone to talk about whatever's going on now? do you have any medications that have helped? I don't mean to intrude, but those have helped me at times. Not 100%, but enough to make a difference.Let's keep in touch. I'll see you tomorrow.
Jost
Posted by Jost on September 21, 2006, at 21:42:20
In reply to Re: no where left to turn » brokenbaby, posted by Jost on September 19, 2006, at 23:47:58
Hi, Brokenbaby. Just checking in to see how you're doing.
You haven't posted for a couple of days, so I hope you're all right.
My day has been fairly good. I had a problem with the AD I was taking and have to take a short break. It's been about three days, but I'm still doing all right. It's not clear how long I have to be off, could be another 5-6 days at most-- I hope not that much.
It's gotten colder here, although the sun was out today. Very brisk.
They're doing repairs on the exterior of our building and workmen are going up and down all day on a small platform. It can be disconcerting, although they're very considerate and seem to look away while moving up and down.
When they drill on the stone right outside the window-- at 9:00 am sharp-- it's rattling, though. The noise is deafening--a shrill but very loud noise, that penetrates right into the room.
Anyway, I hope your day was okay, too.
Jost
Posted by brokenbaby on September 22, 2006, at 22:31:58
In reply to Re: no where left to turn, posted by Jost on September 21, 2006, at 21:42:20
Hi Jost. I am not doing very well. I'm crashing, I had a brief few hours of manic hit me the other day and was feeling high as the sky, but I've now nose dived deeper into my depression. I couldn't get outta bed yesterday. I can't stand feeling hopeless. I'll see you tomorrow. brokenbaby
Posted by Jost on September 23, 2006, at 12:23:16
In reply to Re: no where left to turn, posted by brokenbaby on September 22, 2006, at 22:31:58
Hi, again, brokenbaby.
I'm very glad to hear from you. I'm sorry, though, that you've had such a hard couple of days.
That emotional up and down-- can be awful-- feeling out of control, even if it's with energy-- and then when you fall out of the more manic feelings into depression.
Maybe if you get some sleep and rest you'll feel stronger, and the roller-coaster will be a little further away.
Today is grey, overcast, almost foggy in New York. It's getting cooler and that muddy dark fall is in the air. Not the fresh clear sunny fall that we've had some days. When I look out my window, the New Jersey shore is blurred-- that's mostly what I see, except the tops of trees, which are waving in the wind.
I'm doing a little work later today, and just hanging out by myself. Maybe I'll watch a movie. If I see anything good, I'll tell you about it.
If you're feeling strong enough, let me know what you've done, or any little events you'd like. Even the weather--or what's growing in your garden.
I'll look for you. Whenever you're feeling up to it. Don't feel pressure if it's too much-- I'll be checking back and looking forward to hearing from you, though, when you can.
Jost
Posted by brokenbaby on September 24, 2006, at 14:43:29
In reply to Re: no where left to turn » brokenbaby, posted by Jost on September 23, 2006, at 12:23:16
Hi Jost. I am feeling pretty good today. I just got back from taking my girls and husband-exhusband out to lunch. It was fun. I have now told him how I am suicidal, although I refuse to let him treat me any different. I can't wait to hear about your movie. I hope it was enjoyable. I am gonna go have a nap as I'm feeling wiped, but I will talk to you later when I get up. brokenbaby
Posted by Jost on September 24, 2006, at 21:19:08
In reply to Re: no where left to turn, posted by brokenbaby on September 24, 2006, at 14:43:29
Hi, brokenbaby.
It sounds like you had an eventful day. Maybe your husband/ex-husband was understanding? And if you had fun-- that's really great. I hope at least your husband/ex is being there, some, for you and your girls. Seems that he's trying.
Does he live nearby, or does he travel to see you?
I did watch the beginnings of a few movies. One was about a successful London stage actress, who embarks on a midlife affair with a young male admirer. It was very self-conscious, and unnatural.
Then I watched a little of a movie about two wedding crashers who worked as divorce mediators. Called "The Wedding Crashers." It rapidly moved to a scene of drunken-frenzy at a wedding-- at which point I turned it off.
I'm awfully picky when it comes to movies, I guess.
"The Matrix Reloaded" was on regular TV, and I watched that for a while. I liked the Matrix-- and even this one wasn't bad. It was actually rather enjoyable. Have you seen those movies? They were very popular in the US, especially "The Matrix."
I'm just so pleased that you had a good day. You do need to rest.
I'll check for you later, and of course, tomorrow.
Jost
This is the end of the thread.
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