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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on September 16, 2004, at 12:11:52
First of all, this is my first time here. I really can't tell you how I got here except I was looking for some information on some new drugs I had been prescribed...Lexapro & Ativan. As I was reading some post, I thought maybe some of you might be able to give me some support. I feel as if my world has ended, and it was my own doing. I lost someone I truely loved with all my heart to another woman..... Now before you trivialize this as not important enough to be written here, let me explain. I fell in love with someone else, and I am married. Two strikes against me. But I fell deeper and deeper in love with this man and now after 4 years he descided to move on, and i don't blame him. My problem now is that I blame everyone around me, my husband, my children, and myself for me losing that one chance I might have had for happyness. I am devestated. I cry every day, all day long. Nothing gets cleaned or picked up at home. I've started having panic attacks and get lost driving. My body is so messed up I can't even eat without it going right through me. I have broken in out in huge boils on my face. I know part of the problem is the guilt I feel for allowing this to happen in the first place and for all the pain I caused everyone involved. I have considered ending it all, but am so affraid of the trauma that would put on my children. I entered therapy last Friday, and started on meds yesterday, All I feel is numb now. I have never felt good about myself, and now, I feel nothing but discust for myself.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 16, 2004, at 13:16:30
In reply to How do I get Over the Guilt, posted by AdaGrace on September 16, 2004, at 12:11:52
Welcome to Babble, Ada. I know that you'll find the people here to be supportive and (I think) non-judgemental. Every one of us is human, and pain is pain, no matter where it originates.
Are you getting any talk therapy in addition to the medication? There is no reason for you to carry this guilt around with you, as you can already see how self-destructive it is.
My major depressive episode, about a year ago, was like yours. I couldn't go grocery shopping, I couldn't prepare a meal, I cried all the time, I could barely get out of bed and I felt like a useless creature who deserved absolutely nothing. I am feeling so much better now, even with the worst days now they are nothing like they were before.
So I encourage you to share your feelings here, your questions about medications, if you're getting therapy, there's a board for those discussions too.
Sorry you feel so crummy, but it is nice to meet you.
pc
Posted by AdaGrace on September 16, 2004, at 13:58:51
In reply to Re: How do I get Over the Guilt » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on September 16, 2004, at 13:16:30
Thank you for your encouragement. I did start therapy last Friday, and the one thing that scares me about it the most is that we discussed my incredibly low self esteem. He asked me if I can remember a time when I did feel good about myself, even farther back than adult hood, and I couldn't think of any. I just couldn't think of a time when I was truely happy with myself. I know this is why I let myself get involved with an internet affair and believed all the beautiful things he said and promissed me. I know now they wern't true, but I am trying to deal with the real reason I let it happen in the first place and also deal with how I have hurt everyone involved. Thanks again.....I hope I learn something here.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 16, 2004, at 14:43:03
In reply to Re: How do I get Over the Guilt, posted by AdaGrace on September 16, 2004, at 13:58:51
Low self-esteem is a continuous thread for those of us with depression. When I am better rather than worse, I can feel fairly neutral, but I'm still very self-deprecating and don't believe it when people say good things about me. This is a big improvement!! I have to say that any encouraging words I received as a child were from my school teachers, rather than from my parents. Dad wasn't there (passed out drunk) and mom had no love to spare for me.
Hope to see you in babble-land. Take good care.
Posted by adaGrace on September 16, 2004, at 15:15:50
In reply to Re: How do I get Over the Guilt » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on September 16, 2004, at 14:43:03
Yes, I see that, but for years, I never let the self esteem problem cause depression. Now after this devestating loss of the true love of my life, it all came crashing down......every thing he said must have been a lie, all the beautiful things he said about me and how I was his dream come true were only words to build me up and the fall was greater than I could ever imagine. I feel like nothing now......absolutely nothing. I walk with my head down, don't make eye contact and barely talk to anyone. I will never believe that I am worth any kind of love again, let alone the love that he showed me.....even if they were lies, God I miss those lies so much......
Posted by partlycloudy on September 16, 2004, at 17:27:27
In reply to Re: How do I get Over the Guilt, posted by adaGrace on September 16, 2004, at 15:15:50
You'll feel love again and this will fade and feel less painful
(((AdaGrace)))
Posted by Nonie on September 18, 2004, at 23:39:31
In reply to Believe me, posted by partlycloudy on September 16, 2004, at 17:27:27
hey girl,
check it out, alot of people aren't trust worthy out there, and alot are, but you cant put your hope in that! I've been through the "bad mom" syndrome and cried and felt guilty, remember the thing kids need most is love, hugs and kisses and 'I love you's' the rest will come in time with recovery. GOD doesn't make junk, you are here for a reason so start that journey NOW and pray like crazy!! pray for peace, pray for protection from all the crap out there, pray for your kids, just pray. One thing I've discovered lately; most people don't give a damn what you look like or what you are doing so no sence doing much more for now than taking care of your wellbeing. when we are much better, which may come sooner than you think, we grow and feel even better by helping others too.
take care and you most likely won't meet that prince online by the way,
kitty
Posted by AdaGrace on September 20, 2004, at 9:01:59
In reply to How do I get Over the Guilt, posted by AdaGrace on September 16, 2004, at 12:11:52
I am trying very hard to get over this man, and try to rebuild a relationship with my husband but it's not working so good. I can't have sex without crying. It doesn't feel the way I think it should. I can't explain to my husband that it's not him I want touching me, and I am still thinking of someone else. Things seems to be getting worse and not better. I think I may end up getting a divorce over this, and for what.....because I let someone tell me I was beautiful, sexy, their soul mate.....what a bunch of crap. The anti anxiety pills in combination with the anti-depressants just make me want to sleep all the time, and I am so anti social now, I spent the entire weekend in my bedroom, no interaction with the kids, or husband. All I want to do is call this guy so I can hear his voice. I am one sick and stupid individual. He doesn't even care about me or want me anymore and all I can think of is how much I miss talking to him.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 7:44:18
In reply to Re: How do I get Over the Guilt, posted by AdaGrace on September 20, 2004, at 9:01:59
There are so many things going on at the same time here. You're feeling guilty, but you're mourning for this lost relationship too. Your recovery can't happen quickly enough for you, but the raw wound of wanting someone, even if they are the wrong person at the wrong time with bad intentions, hurts no less.
You know that you deserve better than what this person was offering you, right? You deserve to feel better, to be able to go forward with your marriage. How about making your peace your number one priority right now? I'm not saying don't worry about the sex with your husband - intimacy is a difficult thing to regain without help - I'm just saying to stop beating yourself up.
Given time (lots of time), your medication, and therapy, you'll be able to pull through this. Not without scars, but those are the badges we carry, at least mine are.
You might want to visit the Relationships board here - it is a new board but I think it would be a good place to talk.
Please take care!
pc
Posted by AdaGrace on September 22, 2004, at 8:00:27
In reply to Re: How do I get Over the Guilt » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 7:44:18
The things you say are right, but how in the world can I ever let someone in again. This has been the most tramatic thing I have ever gone through aside from my own Mother's death. I feel so much despair. I can't get over it, I just can't get over the fact that he said all the things he said and I believed them. This was a 4 year relationship, not just 4 months. I am totally devestated. I have no faith in anything anymore, I can't even believe my husband when he tells me that he loves me and that he thinks I'm beautiful. I can't stand to hear those words. I don't believe them from anyone now.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 8:37:05
In reply to Re: How do I get Over the Guilt, posted by AdaGrace on September 22, 2004, at 8:00:27
Ada, I can totally understand how you feel, because I DID have something like your experience. Ultimately, my marriage ended in divorce, but the other relationship was never brought up the whole time my marriage was disintegrating. We had enough crummy stuff going on that my extramarital relationship kept me going for many years (10, to be exact). Both relationships ended at the same time.
I recovered eventually. I didn't think I would ever be able to trust or love again. I remarried to a wonderful, supportive man and the history is safely behind me as history.
(I don't often speak about this, but felt compelled to let you know that I honestly understand what you are going through.)
Posted by AdaGrace on September 22, 2004, at 9:28:36
In reply to OK, deep breath here. » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 8:37:05
Thank You.......you have been very supportive and I appreciate it. I just can't see anything getting better, ever. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and feel better, I don't know. I know one thing, I don't think I will ever totally get over this...I feel like there are going to be some very deep scars.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 9:53:44
In reply to Re: OK, deep breath here., posted by AdaGrace on September 22, 2004, at 9:28:36
(((AdaGrace))) please take care and be kind to yourself. It's lovely to meet you.
pc
Posted by stressed on September 30, 2004, at 19:22:33
In reply to Re: OK, deep breath here. » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 9:53:44
Hello AdaGrace! I am new here, and have been reading many postings and asking questions all over this site. My Gosh, I have several friends who are and were in your shoes. I know what it's like to be so depressed over a man that you can't remember what you have done for the last day or so. To be numb and dead inside. You need to be the one to pull yourself up. Listen to your husband. He must truly love you to be able to say he thinks you are beautiful and that he loves you after the past four years. I takes something I surely don't know about, to be able to forgive, and it sounds as if he is trying to do that. I'm sure you do feel guilt. I feel guilt over things too, but you can only go foward from here. Life is not a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing and a one time shot. I really think if you start from this day, right now, and go forward doing good things for your family that you will find you feel somewhat better. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, because I really feel for you. I know that you can overcome this and be a better person for it. I think God puts us through things for a reason. We don't know why at the time. (That's why I am now a member on this forum, I need support also)
Hang in there, and let me know how it's going. Do something good for yourself this weekend. Just one thing. OK?
Posted by AdaGrace on October 7, 2004, at 10:31:42
In reply to Re: OK, deep breath here., posted by stressed on September 30, 2004, at 19:22:33
I've had a relaps, was really doing better, or so I thought......go to relationship board...I'm stupid......so very stupid.....I am so depressed right now and so very very hurt inside my heart.
Posted by leendee on December 8, 2004, at 17:51:17
In reply to Re: OK, deep breath here., posted by AdaGrace on October 7, 2004, at 10:31:42
AdaGrace
I haven't looked at the relationship board so I don't know your latest news.. but listen...
I've had a very similar experience. I cried every day for more than a year. It's like recovering from an addiction; the grieving and getting past the pain.You don't mention anger. I believe guilt is anger turned towards yourself. How much rage must you have, to have been lied to in such a way that you feel your life has been ruined? Where is your anger towards this man who lied to you?
I guess that it is all being directed towards yourself in the form of guilt, because you still feel you "need" this man and you can't afford to feel the anger. YET.
all this I've said is intellectual and won't make a difference in how you feel necessarily.
The time passing will make you feel better, and choosing NOT to think about him, therapy and possibly medication for your depression and low self esteem, and then more time passing.
You cannot possibly believe it, but you WILL get over it. You must act as if you believe it so that you don't damage your life any more than you have.
Right now your job is to get through the pain a day at a time, and maybe eventually you will feel that if this man was so deceitful, in the end it is best that he is not in your life.
Best wishes to you and in hope for your recovery
leendee
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