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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on March 6, 2006, at 19:23:13
Today I sat in the waiting room of a "life management" office. I had taken my friend to their appointment, and sat thinking of nothing in particular.
A couple came in, the woman was there for an appointment. The man was there probably in the same capacity that I was, as chauffeur. They sat a seat away from me. I quickly became aware of the odour of the man.It is approaching the anniversary of my dad's death. It was a long time ago, and he died young of cancer complicated by alcoholism. He always had atrocious personal hygiene. (This is something that I am accutely self aware of. I am always checking my own pits for social acceptability.)
The man had the same smell as my dad. A pungent combination of
body odour
beer sweating from his pores
stale ciagrette smoke inhabiting his clothingHe had the same skinny malnourished poor complexion look; and the same twisty way of crossing his legs like the human pretzel of a carnival. The only difference from him and the lasting image of my dad was that he had long scraggly hair and a baseball cap. My dad had short wavy hair, shiny with Vaseline Hair Tonic. I joke now that he'd change the oil on his head once a week :-) He did not own a baseball cap.
I immediately had a migraine, felt sick to my stomach, and my day effectively stopped cold then.
Memories of smells have always been provocative to me. I am transported in time and space. Sometimes this is a comfort. Sometimes this is painful, like today.
I miss my dad every day. He was such an ill man, and so proud of what he'd managed to do with his life. He'd been an immigrant from another country; had built his own business, reaped the monetary rewards. When he was diagnosed with his terminal illness, he wore the life sentence like a badge of achievement. This was the cost of his life, how he lived his life.ClearSkies
Posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 0:01:02
In reply to *trigger* memories of Dad, posted by ClearSkies on March 6, 2006, at 19:23:13
this touched me. I'm sorry for your loss that you still feel. I'm amazed at what we can accomplish while destroying ourselves. I relate to your Dad's pride and your love for him mixed with other feelings. I don't want to be forward or intrude on your feelings, but I'm sorry you got triggered today, and that was an eloquent description of a flawed human being. One like us.
James K
Posted by Tanzanite on March 7, 2006, at 1:07:28
In reply to *trigger* memories of Dad, posted by ClearSkies on March 6, 2006, at 19:23:13
Sometimes I don't know what to say. I am so sorry for your loss and missing your father. It is amazing what will bring back memories, but I believe our loved ones are always with us. But, it still breaks my heart. My great grandpa just died last month and I hadn't seen him for over two years and didn't get to say goodbye. Sending you virtual hugs and comforts. I read about missing loved ones and always tear up. I am I guess an emotional person with a big heart. I think you have a big heart too. Peace and blessings Clearskies.
Tanzanite
Posted by lynn971 on March 7, 2006, at 9:50:29
In reply to *trigger* memories of Dad, posted by ClearSkies on March 6, 2006, at 19:23:13
Oh ClearSkies,
I am so sorry you are having a hard time. Your dad seams like a wonderful man. As a christian, I believe we will see our loved ones again. That gives me great hope.
Peace,
Lynn
P.S. Your writing is very good. I good literally see a picture of what your dad must look like.
Posted by sleepygirl on March 8, 2006, at 15:35:24
In reply to *trigger* memories of Dad, posted by ClearSkies on March 6, 2006, at 19:23:13
Hey Clearskies,
you did communicate that experience quite well, and I do know what you mean about how the smells of things can bring back strong memories/feelings.
I'm sorry clearskies, and I'm sorry for your dad too. I guess people have a way of sticking around like that, echoing in other people and situations through our life, funny how that is.
Be well.
Posted by ClearSkies on March 8, 2006, at 20:25:55
In reply to Re: *trigger* memories of Dad » ClearSkies, posted by sleepygirl on March 8, 2006, at 15:35:24
Smells that balance the hurt with joy:
fresh lavender blossoms crushed in my fingertips
a whiff of a coal fire in the neighbourhood
rain just about to fall
Christmas dinner...these memories too are of my dad. And of England, his home. It was my home too for several years. Remembering the good with the bad, something I can do when I can look past the end of my nose. Something about feeling so sad shortens my self-sight.
not making sense here.
OK, when I can smell something and remember the wonderful things about my dad too, it helps to lift me out of myself and back into the world.
This is the end of the thread.
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