Posted by ClearSkies on March 6, 2006, at 19:23:13
Today I sat in the waiting room of a "life management" office. I had taken my friend to their appointment, and sat thinking of nothing in particular.
A couple came in, the woman was there for an appointment. The man was there probably in the same capacity that I was, as chauffeur. They sat a seat away from me. I quickly became aware of the odour of the man.It is approaching the anniversary of my dad's death. It was a long time ago, and he died young of cancer complicated by alcoholism. He always had atrocious personal hygiene. (This is something that I am accutely self aware of. I am always checking my own pits for social acceptability.)
The man had the same smell as my dad. A pungent combination of
body odour
beer sweating from his pores
stale ciagrette smoke inhabiting his clothingHe had the same skinny malnourished poor complexion look; and the same twisty way of crossing his legs like the human pretzel of a carnival. The only difference from him and the lasting image of my dad was that he had long scraggly hair and a baseball cap. My dad had short wavy hair, shiny with Vaseline Hair Tonic. I joke now that he'd change the oil on his head once a week :-) He did not own a baseball cap.
I immediately had a migraine, felt sick to my stomach, and my day effectively stopped cold then.
Memories of smells have always been provocative to me. I am transported in time and space. Sometimes this is a comfort. Sometimes this is painful, like today.
I miss my dad every day. He was such an ill man, and so proud of what he'd managed to do with his life. He'd been an immigrant from another country; had built his own business, reaped the monetary rewards. When he was diagnosed with his terminal illness, he wore the life sentence like a badge of achievement. This was the cost of his life, how he lived his life.ClearSkies
poster:ClearSkies
thread:616807
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/616807.html