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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dalilah on January 14, 2004, at 13:18:07
I don't know what the H*** happened to this site, but I can't find anything, so I'll start my own thread. Please respond.
I am bipolar. I keep thinking I'm not. I feel like I'm all better and it won't come back. With my mega cocktail of Lamictal, Lithium, and Seroquel, I think I've conquered it. But I am wrong. I may have stiffled it, but it's still there.
Last night I found myself all electrified feeling like I'm on cocaine and I can't come down, the very worst part of cocaine, when the high has worn off and I just want to sleep. I felt I could see electricity in the air. Earlier a friend had stopped by and I felt somehow like he was a million miles away from me. He was in a movie, not really there. Nothing I could understand, nor did I want to.
I realized then that for the last 4 days I had been organizing everything, and I mean everything, my socks and underwear, my receipts for the last 2 years, my entire big closet filled with art supplies, my work area and I mean totally revamping it. Meanwhile I was writing long personal e-mails to people I hardly knew.
I knocked myself out with mega seroquel (as directed by my doctor) and today I am weeping and tired and can't imagine why I'd want to get out of bed. In fact this is a pattern. Seems I'm stuck in a mixed state of hell and I can't get out.
And to top it all off. I feel I have no one to talk to. Everyone (all 2 of them) who can understand is too busy. And I just can't talk to anyone about this. No one understands really.
Thought you might and anyway it's just good to put it out there, I think.
Notes from Hell,
Dalilah
Posted by SLS on January 14, 2004, at 16:17:31
In reply to Stuck in Bipolar Hell, posted by Dalilah on January 14, 2004, at 13:18:07
I don't see to much said about Depakote here lately, but it might be just the thing for mixed states.
Next time you get hypomanic, I have an apartment that needs to be organized...
:-)
I hope you feel balanced soon.
Good luck.
- Scott
Posted by amy_oz on January 14, 2004, at 23:18:12
In reply to Stuck in Bipolar Hell, posted by Dalilah on January 14, 2004, at 13:18:07
Hi Dalilah,
Your message struck a chord with me cause I'm on a similar medication regime to you, that is lamictal, seroquel and depakote. and I suffer from mixed states (lthough mines more agitation than hypomanic). this cocktail works really well for me and i've been symptom free for a few months now.
the one difference is obviously the depokote which SLS recommended. its really good for mixed states and it might a be a good idea for you to swap the lithium for it. The one thing to be careful about though is that you need to halve the dose of lamictal when you take depakote because depakote influences the half life of the lamictal.
good luck,
Amy
Posted by Dalilah on January 15, 2004, at 11:28:45
In reply to Re: Stuck in Bipolar Hell, posted by amy_oz on January 14, 2004, at 23:18:12
Hi Amy and Scott,
Thanks for the response. It feels good to be heard by someone who understands. As far as depakote goes, been there done that. Honestly it doesn't help me at all, but makes me hungry all the time, gain weight, and completely lifeless/drugged out. It makes me want to kill myself. Lithium is definately the one for me. Believe me, I've tried a lot.I am really happy with my current cocktail and I've been great for over 6 months. I love the Lamictal (300 mg) for taking away most of my depression. So I was very surprised to find myself in this mixed state after such a long? symptom free time. But it's so much less than it was before this combo. And I think the mixed episode is starting to go away (fingers crossed.)
Possibly this whole bad thing was triggered by stress (my sister lost in a schizophrenic fog for the last 2 months.) Who will ever know why these things happen. Generally I think there is no reason except the chemicals doing there thing.
Dalilah
> Hi Dalilah,
>
> Your message struck a chord with me cause I'm on a similar medication regime to you, that is lamictal, seroquel and depakote. and I suffer from mixed states (lthough mines more agitation than hypomanic). this cocktail works really well for me and i've been symptom free for a few months now.
>
> the one difference is obviously the depokote which SLS recommended. its really good for mixed states and it might a be a good idea for you to swap the lithium for it. The one thing to be careful about though is that you need to halve the dose of lamictal when you take depakote because depakote influences the half life of the lamictal.
>
>
> good luck,
> Amy
Posted by Angielala on January 15, 2004, at 12:13:24
In reply to Re: Stuck in Bipolar Hell, posted by Dalilah on January 15, 2004, at 11:28:45
Dalilah,
I am in the same boat as you as far as you swings go. I just got off Depakote for all the reasons that you mentioned. My doc and I have in place, a plan to see if Wellbutrin will help the swings that we have, without pushing me into a hypo or aggitated state. There has been a lot of good feedback on BP people who have tried it. There are less side effects, no weight crap, no lifeless feeling- this is what people are telling me. Since your current cocktail seems to have a good hold on most of it and takes the edge off most of the time, perhaps another take of AD will help. Seeing that Wellbutrin affect dopemine more than seratonin, my doc is thinking that my swings are caused by a dopemine imbalance. So I am going to stay on my Paxil, add in Wellbutrin and perhaps see if I still need a MS- and is I do, I am going to choose Lithium... depakote was the devil for me too.
I'm not saying to go for Wellbutrin- I'm saying that you are totally right. This is all a chemical thing, a balance that we have to figure out ('cause I think we here all do more research on drugs, half lives, side effects and real life experiences than our Therapists might have time for) ourselves sometimes. This sounds easier than it is to do, but if you can, try this. Have a journal. Write your sleep times in there, the food you ate and at what time, and the mood you are in (maybe even a poem or silly cartoon to show how you are feeling) Mention the weather, and top headlines from that day- even if they really dont' seem so important to you- if you watched the news and something grand or bad happened, write it down. This could help with trying to figure out patterns on your own. You might notice that the lows come at a certain time of month (perhaps during Aunt Flo's visit) or maybe it's the news, or diet. Maybe a hypo came on after you had to work an all nighter. Maybe you feel great after you have been eating well for a few weeks straight. Patterns came be really helpful, and since you are helping yourself in this way, you end up feeling better abut yourself in general. While journaling everythign could be viewed as neurotic for some, for BP people, it's like being able to see hindsight and use it to help in the future. Journaling also helps you deal with things- you are sharing your thoughts and actions of the day in a safe place, with no one to judge. You can be completely honest and not worry about it. And I personally find that when I read journals I kept from a few years ago- I can actually see my progress- which gives you this wonderful feeling.
Hang in there... know that you have lots of people doing through these same swings- me for example- it sounds like you and I have the same swings... we should talk some more about our swings together. I am in the same hell, but we can get through it. Our bodies are just having a field day- it's their vacation, and we have to go through these little swings for that.
Also- one thing you have to make sure of is to concentrate on you- your health- your plan to beat it all. Having a sister go through what she's going through hits so close to home for me, except it's my Godmother, cousin and my late Grandmother. I know how much you yearn to help her, but make sure you don't get caught up in it all... we have bigger hearts than the normally balanced, which is a blessed curse (haha). Don't let your loving and caring be spread thin- don't try to take on their burdens too much. Be supportive, but when you feel that hypo coming on, literally stop yourself from writing an email inviting everyone and their mother to dinner, stop yourself from volunteering for everythign that comes along- these are all things I understand that you and I and so many others will do when we are feeling good- or actually in a hypo or full mania. Pace yourself and take more time for you than others. I know it sounds selfish, but don't feel selfish. Think of it this way- whether we know it or want to admit it, we know ourselves better than anyone else. We you are feeling low- reward yourself. Having a rotten day- do something special for yourself, even if it's small. Beware the shopping urge, though... haha, I'm sure you've had a mania-induced shopping spree (Man if I could even begin to tell yuo about my bills... ugh)
Despite how you are feeling at the moment, please know that deep down, you are going to be fine. Everything will fall into place- even if you can't see it. You have a LOT of BP supporters here that have gone through these feelings and med changes. Hell is only a passing thing. I am still trying to get the boy (I call my fiance "the boy"- no idea, just my Boston slang I guess...) to get me a punching bag for the hell part. ;)
I hope I didn't rant too long. I just really understand where you are right now and really want to help. I want you to know that there is hope to getting out of those crazy circles we are blessed with.
Let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do for you.
<3 Lala
> Hi Amy and Scott,
> Thanks for the response. It feels good to be heard by someone who understands. As far as depakote goes, been there done that. Honestly it doesn't help me at all, but makes me hungry all the time, gain weight, and completely lifeless/drugged out. It makes me want to kill myself. Lithium is definately the one for me. Believe me, I've tried a lot.
>
> I am really happy with my current cocktail and I've been great for over 6 months. I love the Lamictal (300 mg) for taking away most of my depression. So I was very surprised to find myself in this mixed state after such a long? symptom free time. But it's so much less than it was before this combo. And I think the mixed episode is starting to go away (fingers crossed.)
>
> Possibly this whole bad thing was triggered by stress (my sister lost in a schizophrenic fog for the last 2 months.) Who will ever know why these things happen. Generally I think there is no reason except the chemicals doing there thing.
>
> Dalilah
>
>
> > Hi Dalilah,
> >
> > Your message struck a chord with me cause I'm on a similar medication regime to you, that is lamictal, seroquel and depakote. and I suffer from mixed states (lthough mines more agitation than hypomanic). this cocktail works really well for me and i've been symptom free for a few months now.
> >
> > the one difference is obviously the depokote which SLS recommended. its really good for mixed states and it might a be a good idea for you to swap the lithium for it. The one thing to be careful about though is that you need to halve the dose of lamictal when you take depakote because depakote influences the half life of the lamictal.
> >
> >
> > good luck,
> > Amy
>
>
Posted by Girl1969 on January 15, 2004, at 14:34:55
In reply to Stuck in Bipolar Hell, posted by Dalilah on January 14, 2004, at 13:18:07
Hi,
I, too, suffer primarily from mixed states. They are hell, no doubt about it.
The one thing that came to mind while I was reading your list of meds was that maybe you could increase the lamictal? I didn't feel any relief on this drug until I reached 400 mgs. Perhaps this might work for you?
Best wishes,
Girl
Posted by Dalilah on January 15, 2004, at 20:41:36
In reply to Re: Stuck in Bipolar Hell, posted by Angielala on January 15, 2004, at 12:13:24
Thanks for the write backs (La La and Girl)
Once again it helps so much to know there are people who understand. I have several bipolar friends but they don't necessarily experience the same bipolar as me.
Here I go again. I've tried the Wellbutring and it REALLY didn't work for me. I may be allergic in fact. I couldn't stop puking and diarrhea (no wonder you lose weight!) It's not my drug. It seems none of the AD's work for me thus far and I'm happy to stay away. They make me manicy and then nothing. It's as if I was taking aspirin.
Thank god for Lamictal. Thanks for telling me you're on 400mg of Lam. Most people I talk to are on 100 and I'm thinking 300 is crazy high. That's just good to know I can go up if I have to. (what else are you on? I'm curious.)
My Bipolar Regiment: 8-9 hours of sleep a night, keep mood chart every morning (highly recommended http://www.manicdepressive.org/tools.html), write 3 pages in my journal, eat oatmeal and very healthy stuff (vegan), exercise 3 times a week, and take my meds.
And after all that I still get mixed states. It's just frustrating. And when I talk to others they seems like, "oh yeah, me too, I feel up and down too." They don't realize how hard I work to get JUST up and down. Not psychotic and dreaming of death. Everytime I get just a little bit depressed I start fantasizing about suicide. I realize that doesn't sound healthy, but it always gives me comfort.
When I write these things I think, maybe, just maybe, I'm still in a Mixed.
Dalilah
Posted by girl1969 on January 16, 2004, at 20:36:15
In reply to Re: Stuck in Bipolar Hell, posted by Dalilah on January 15, 2004, at 20:41:36
Yeah, I know what you mean, Dalilah. I don't know anyone who has BP, but sometimes I hear other people discuss it on boards and I think, "NO NO NO, it's so much worse than that!"
Mixed states are hell. I have been floridly manic a few times, but mostly I've experienced bad mixed states or agitated depression.
The first drug that ever helped me and allowed me to live a normal life was Zyprexa. Unfortunately, I gained a ton of weight and that just made me depressed again, in the end.
I'm now on Geodon (40 mg), Lamictal (400 mg) and Celexa (80 mg). I just started the Lamictal/Geodon combo after Thanksgiving. Once it kicked in, I started feeling tremendous relief.
I tend to ruminate and become passively suicidal and I haven't had one ridiculous thought since I started this regimen.
Are you taking anything besides the seroquel and lamictal? Have you tried any other antipsychotics?
I hope you get out of bipolar hell soon. My thoughts are with you.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Girl
Posted by Dalilah on January 16, 2004, at 22:57:43
In reply to Re: Stuck in Bipolar Hell, posted by girl1969 on January 16, 2004, at 20:36:15
Thanks Girl,
I am feeling better little by little. I hate it cause I don't always know how I'm feeling. Isn't that the bipolar way?I'm on 600mg Lithium, 300mg Lamictal, and only 50mg Seroquel which I take at night or else I guess I'd never sleep? Hmmm? Yes I've been on a few anti-psychotics. Zyprexa, Risperdol, and something else I can't remember. Yeah, they are pretty deadening. Seroquel is my fave if there is such a thing - woo, hoo, my favorite anti-psychotic. But I agree with you the weight gain is a serious problem. My poor sister has a bipolar/schizoprenic thing that makes mine look like cake. Anyhow, she cannot live without massive anti-psychotics and just has to live with the extra 100 lbs. she put on. It's not uncommon. I've actually lost weight now that I have the Lamictal and have the desire to move again.
Thanks for writing.
Dalilah
> Yeah, I know what you mean, Dalilah. I don't know anyone who has BP, but sometimes I hear other people discuss it on boards and I think, "NO NO NO, it's so much worse than that!"
>
> Mixed states are hell. I have been floridly manic a few times, but mostly I've experienced bad mixed states or agitated depression.
>
> The first drug that ever helped me and allowed me to live a normal life was Zyprexa. Unfortunately, I gained a ton of weight and that just made me depressed again, in the end.
>
> I'm now on Geodon (40 mg), Lamictal (400 mg) and Celexa (80 mg). I just started the Lamictal/Geodon combo after Thanksgiving. Once it kicked in, I started feeling tremendous relief.
>
> I tend to ruminate and become passively suicidal and I haven't had one ridiculous thought since I started this regimen.
>
> Are you taking anything besides the seroquel and lamictal? Have you tried any other antipsychotics?
>
> I hope you get out of bipolar hell soon. My thoughts are with you.
>
> Hope to hear from you soon,
>
> Girl
>
>
>
>
This is the end of the thread.
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