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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Carolyn on April 5, 2000, at 20:03:11
I saw my pdoc two days ago. He has an excellent reputation, and I have had a good relationship with him for the past 12 years. He is a very good psychopharmacologist. I questioned him about my diagnosis, which is Major Depressive Disorder primarily, but with a secondary diagnosis of Personality Disorder. I asked what exactly that meant. He explained...I still could not see how this related to me, so asked for examples in myself. His answers truly surprised me. His assessment of my personality is not at all in congruence with my own. So I shared some of this with my husband and close friends. All were also baffled. I can, however, see that some of what he says is evident in my personality when I am depressed. However, I seem to be a totally different person when not depressed (and a much nicer one!). This changes almost overnight when I find the right medication (which poops out and needs adjusting every few years).
Am I the only one who seems to undergo a total personality change between my depressed and medicated selves? And I am wondering which one is the real me????
Posted by claudea on April 5, 2000, at 22:25:34
In reply to who am I????, posted by Carolyn on April 5, 2000, at 20:03:11
I can relate. When I was depressed and not medicated (before diagnosis) I was so unpredictable my co-workers and friends were afraid to talk to me because they didn't know how I would act. And when I was manic I could go two different ways: 1. Bitchy, agitated and erratic (like I was on illegal drugs as some friends say) or 2. (the most common) like I was so full of energy, yet drunk at the same time (that is the one everyone, including me, liked best). Now, unless my meds act up I feel like I don't know who I am either--like I am just there--with all creativity and passion gone.
Sigh....I can relate..
> I saw my pdoc two days ago. He has an excellent reputation, and I have had a good relationship with him for the past 12 years. He is a very good psychopharmacologist. I questioned him about my diagnosis, which is Major Depressive Disorder primarily, but with a secondary diagnosis of Personality Disorder. I asked what exactly that meant. He explained...I still could not see how this related to me, so asked for examples in myself. His answers truly surprised me. His assessment of my personality is not at all in congruence with my own. So I shared some of this with my husband and close friends. All were also baffled. I can, however, see that some of what he says is evident in my personality when I am depressed. However, I seem to be a totally different person when not depressed (and a much nicer one!). This changes almost overnight when I find the right medication (which poops out and needs adjusting every few years).
>
> Am I the only one who seems to undergo a total personality change between my depressed and medicated selves? And I am wondering which one is the real me????
Posted by Noa on April 6, 2000, at 10:29:30
In reply to Re: who am I????, posted by claudea on April 5, 2000, at 22:25:34
This is a controversial subject for the very reason you stated, Carolyn. You present very differently in different mood states. Is this a personality disorder or a mood disorder? Akiskal has written about looking at people who have been previously diagnosed with personality disorders in a new way--as suffering from serious mood disorders that seem to alter their personalities.
The more philosophical question of "who am I" is interesting, too. It seems you identify more strongly with the non-depressed self. Me, too, although lately I hardly remember my "normal" self. But the depressed self is also you. The problem with having a mood disorder is that these states are so separated and incongruent. It makes it hard to bring all parts of ourselves together and own them all.
When it comes to using diagnoses like "personality disorder", or for that matter, juggling between different mood disorder diagnoses, the real question is, "what will this diagnosis do in terms of helping your doctor and you understand your struggles and treat the problems? Will it add anything?" So, you can ask your doctor how the personality disorder diagnosis has helped him to conceptualize your illness and help treat you. If it has helped, great. If not, it is just a label. Remember, these diagnostic terms are man made constructs, not actual bio-psychological entities.
Posted by Victoria on April 6, 2000, at 18:44:15
In reply to who am I????, posted by Carolyn on April 5, 2000, at 20:03:11
I don't want to suggest problems where there might be none, but I had a somewhat similar experience with a past therapist. She, too, thought in terms of a personality disorder diagnosis and while I was seeing her, I would have said we had a good relationship, except for the fact that I wasn't really getting any better. I finally ended therapy for financial reasons when I went back to school and, lo and behold, I felt much better than I had while in therapy. Once, in crisis, I went back to see her and it became very clear to me that the price of her support was seeing myself as far more psychologically defective and incompetent that I actually felt myself to be. So I didn't go back! The problem was partly that this was before SSRIs, so part of my depression just never shifted; part was temperamental (she was an extrovert and saw many of my perfectly normal introverted traits as pathological), and mostly it was her incompetence! My experience may not have anything to do with Carolyn's, but hearing "personality disorder" and the fact that the therapist and patient don't see the patient the same way rasies a red flag for me. Anyway, I'm still mad about the wasted time, money, and self-esteem,so it feels good to vent!
> I saw my pdoc two days ago. He has an excellent reputation, and I have had a good relationship with him for the past 12 years. He is a very good psychopharmacologist. I questioned him about my diagnosis, which is Major Depressive Disorder primarily, but with a secondary diagnosis of Personality Disorder. I asked what exactly that meant. He explained...I still could not see how this related to me, so asked for examples in myself. His answers truly surprised me. His assessment of my personality is not at all in congruence with my own. So I shared some of this with my husband and close friends. All were also baffled. I can, however, see that some of what he says is evident in my personality when I am depressed. However, I seem to be a totally different person when not depressed (and a much nicer one!). This changes almost overnight when I find the right medication (which poops out and needs adjusting every few years).
>
> Am I the only one who seems to undergo a total personality change between my depressed and medicated selves? And I am wondering which one is the real me????
This is the end of the thread.
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