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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shar on December 25, 2002, at 11:19:38
Have just been thinking about the last year, big and little changes, ups and downs. Was wondering about my own goals, and about other old timers, too. We've all been up and down, and in so many different places this past year. Lots of action on the main PB boards, and the creation of our very own. Anyone else thinking about goals for 2003?
My goals so far are to find abundance (that may entail finding/getting a good job, or I could win the lottery...who knows?) and get healthier physically (I think it'll be easier in partnership, because, while we don't worry about our own health so much, we tend to worry about the other's...). I figure abundance and good health (that includes mental health) covers most of the good stuff.
This time last year I was fighting with my therapist about making me agree to not commit suicide for a year (agreement is up Jan. 31). At our last meeting I told her I was grateful that she fought with me, because it probably saved my life. That's a very big shift for me....considering life a viable option.
Hope everyone is doing ok this Christmas day, finding it tolerable at least.
Shar
Posted by Noa on December 25, 2002, at 14:38:06
In reply to Well, somebody had to do it....., posted by shar on December 25, 2002, at 11:19:38
Shar, I am so struck by how great you sound! I'm glad your therapist fought with you, too. That's what we pay them the big bucks for, eh?
Goal setting is more than a bit scary. Once upon a time, I used to do it regularly. Hah! Those were the days. I used to keep a journal and once a month (new moon), I would check in and write. I would look at the overal goals I had set up and then write about objectives for the month, also reflecting on how the previous month had gone. It wasn't quite as business-like as it sounds here. It was more flexible than that, but the structure really helped.
But since these years of whammo depression, setting goals is much harder. Last summer, I was trying to teach myself more about time management and organizational skills. I went to the library and took out all the books I could find on the subjects, and spent hours sitting in book stores gleaning what I could. A lot of them start with the premise that you have to identify your life goals/mission statement, etc. before you can organize your time and life. This made me cry--literally--because I hadn't thought about such things in ages and the idea of doing so frightened me. So, I skipped those sections and just gleaned some of the "technical" tips that could help me get better organized at work (my weakness at work).
But it gnawed at me that I couldn't even touch on the subject of goals without crying. Soon after I began talking about that in therapy, first just in reference to the reading on time management. Then, after several months of boring mundane chit chat about everyday life, I got so bored I told my therapist I was sick of being so boring in therapy and felt I was avoiding stuff. For a few sessions we talked around that--ie, how to manage the emotions of talking about real stuff, etc. Then, it didn't take long and I started talking about the fact that I don't know what I want for my future, but I am ready to start considering it, finally after years of just surviving day by day under the oppression of depression. It has been very emotional, indeed, hard work, but I guess I'm ready.
I'm not so ready to crystalize goals, but just thinking about dreams is a big enough deal, because I have been spending a lot of my energy avoiding thinking about dreams that seemed lost forever. A lot of the way I've functioned for a few years has been to numb out not only the depression but also the feelings of sadness and anger about the way my life has turned out so far. (I purposely added the words "so far", but sometimes it feels more acurate without them). So, to think about dreams and hopes is terrifying because of the grief.
I may have to grieve some things, really. I was starting to work on grieving not ever having my own biological child or children, but then this fighting part of me said, wait a minute, before I give up on this one, I need to get some more info and see if it is indeed out of the questions. I've been looking into that a bit. It looks very doubtful, so I am starting to do the grief work somewhat, but it is not a done deal yet.
I guess my goals for the next year are to be able to live like someone who could be a competent parent. I do feel I have the skills to be a competent parent, but the way I live is not a good indication. Biological or adopted, either way, I have to be able to live like someone who could pass even a stringent home study, I guess.
My therapist says he thinks I could do that better on behalf of a child than just for myself. I think he's right.
I also need to work on goals of community involvement. Once upon a time, I did a lot of fulfilling volunteer work, but haven't in a long time. I have, over the years, developed a very isolated lifestyle, and now that I'm not so depressed, it feels kind of empty. So, I feel like it is important for me to do something meaningful.
Anything is more meaningful than hours of computer games, no?
Posted by Greg on December 26, 2002, at 18:49:07
In reply to Well, somebody had to do it....., posted by shar on December 25, 2002, at 11:19:38
Shar,
Leave it to you... :)
It's really hard for me to think about goals of any kind right now, long or short term, because of my health problems. I still have the same goal that I've had for what seems like forever, to find that all-elusive, full-time job. But even that scares me now because I wonder if I'll be able to hold onto it for long. I don't know what's worse for me, mentally not being up to looking for a job because of my depression, or being really mentally ready and afraid that physically I won't be able to handle it.
It makes me feel so good to see you in the place you're in. I'm glad that you're feeling better about yourself and looking at goals. I didn't agree with your T making you sign that agreement, I think I told you that. And while I still don't like the idea, in hindsight I'm glad she did because it helped make sure that you'd get to where you are now. And I'd like to keep you around for another 50 years or so....
....and while we're on THAT subject :), SOMEBODY (who shall remain nameless but lives in Texas and is 5ft nothin' has a cute little southern drawl and started this thread) has a birthday day after tomorrow. But you didn't hear it from me...
Love ya MIC,
Greg
Posted by shar on December 26, 2002, at 22:24:52
In reply to Re: Well, somebody had to do it....., posted by Greg on December 26, 2002, at 18:49:07
I'm so impressed with how open, thoughtful (as in having thought in them), rich, and clear these responses are. In general, about goals, and in detail--the personal take on things. What great examples of our similarities and differences as human beings.
But, it could be that I'm just easier to impress now that I'm old....8-) (Not really, it seemed I was getting too serious and a little humor was in order.) (yes, I know...very little humor.)
Shar
Posted by Phil on December 27, 2002, at 6:56:21
In reply to An appreciation of experience, posted by shar on December 26, 2002, at 22:24:52
Goals...1. Make a list of goals
2. Look up goals in dictionary
3. Can't find dictionary-go to library
4. Fight 90 year old lady for parking
5. Arrested for assault with a can of
Ozium
6. Do community service and pay fine
7. No money-phone disconnected.Goals...1. Pay phone bill-call Shar about thread
2. Arrested again for verbal abuse
3. Do two weeks in county lockup
4. Lost job, no money
5. Get sleeping bag-cold in pickup
6. Shoplifting..one year at Huntsville
Texas' execution prison
7. Leave prison with five bucks
8. Go to library to babble on their
computer
9. Trip over huge dictionary left on
floor-break collarbone.
10. See Shar when she comes back for
dictionary. Scream uncontrollably.
11. Fix collarbone, transferred to State
hospital for 'observation'.
Posted by shar on December 27, 2002, at 11:55:06
In reply to Re: An appreciation of experience, posted by Phil on December 27, 2002, at 6:56:21
I wrote this:
...I'm so impressed with how open, thoughtful (as in having thought in them), rich, and clear these responses are...before I read Phil's post which shoots the concept out of the water...(ok, kidding, of course)
Actually, Phil, you add something to all this that is probably one of those crucial-to-our-survival things...humor. And I love humor, in many of its forms, and, when I "get it," especially your sense of humor. Your post made me smile great big.
Hope you have a great 2003! (My internal response when I say that to people is 'yeah, right' or 'fat chance' depending on my mood. Maybe I should have a goal of being less cynical about the possibility of good things happening...)
However, I do HOPE that we all have a good 2003 even while I believe the probability of same is suspect.
Shar
> Goals...1. Make a list of goals
> 2. Look up goals in dictionary
> 3. Can't find dictionary-go to library
> 4. Fight 90 year old lady for parking
> 5. Arrested for assault with a can of
> Ozium
> 6. Do community service and pay fine
> 7. No money-phone disconnected.
>
> Goals...1. Pay phone bill-call Shar about thread
> 2. Arrested again for verbal abuse
> 3. Do two weeks in county lockup
> 4. Lost job, no money
> 5. Get sleeping bag-cold in pickup
> 6. Shoplifting..one year at Huntsville
> Texas' execution prison
> 7. Leave prison with five bucks
> 8. Go to library to babble on their
> computer
> 9. Trip over huge dictionary left on
> floor-break collarbone.
> 10. See Shar when she comes back for
> dictionary. Scream uncontrollably.
> 11. Fix collarbone, transferred to State
> hospital for 'observation'.
Posted by Phil on December 27, 2002, at 14:07:48
In reply to Re: An appreciation of experience » Phil, posted by shar on December 27, 2002, at 11:55:06
Glad my post made you smile and I'm really happy for you, Shar.
This is the end of the thread.
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