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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 20:25:27
In reply to Re: Please help!!! » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on March 22, 2004, at 15:14:47
Thank you for the prayers.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 20:28:23
In reply to Re: Please help!!! » SandyWeb, posted by want info on March 22, 2004, at 14:58:52
Hi EM,
Yeah, I've accomplished so much. *snort* Hey, I even was addicted to crystal meth when I was in my 20's. And I overcame that. WooHoo. Strong woman that I am.
I'm so sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Life has been grand. *smile*
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 20:42:53
In reply to Re: Please help!!! » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 18:28:22
Simus,
You are a sweet, sweet lady. Thank you for the encouragement.
But you know what? Unless a bundle of cash falls through my roof, I'm not going to be able to complete my education. If I don't get back to classes by next January, I start losing credits because of the amount of time that they are good for. So money and time has run out. And I'm not getting any younger. Lol.
So, it's time to take care of what needs to be done around here. I just don't know, Simus. My kids would actually be better off without me. I can only bring them down. They would have everything and more if they lived with my sister or my parents. I can't even take them to movies because I can't drive, let alone own a car.
As to where I am.....well, the kids and I were in California (that's where they were born), and we flew away to Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada!! We started life all over again with 2 suitcases and a carry-on full of toys. We didn't even have any winter clothes!! Lol! Who knew what snow was?? Ha ha!
I don't have a church. I've looked around different times, but nothing ever compares to the wonderful church I went to in California. I still get emails from my pastor there. (I also still get emails from my cop friend down there. I'm so proud of his accomplishments!!! Too bad he's still married! LOL!!). Anyways, I've never found a church here that I feel comfortable in. It's just different here....seems to be more baby-food than anything.
Well, I take Carly to see the doctor tomorrow. We need to help her overcome her anxiety about sleeping. She didn't go to school again today because she didn't get to sleep until the sun came up. Poor thing. I'm not sure if a 12-year old can be put on anti-anxiety meds or not, but she needs something NOW. I'm also going to get her referred to a pdoc.
I still think about the walk in the woods. It would just be peaceful....and there are plenty of woods around here to choose from. Lol! I just don't know anymore. I have no use. What is my purpose?? That just got blown away, and I'm left with nothing but debt and embarrassments. I'm the black sheep. I can only bring my kids down.
But...tomorrow's another day. It'll be okay. I'll just wait and see what happens. Maybe I'll count the grey hairs on my head!!! *smile*
God bless,
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 21:12:53
In reply to RE: Hello everyone, posted by mystic on March 22, 2004, at 18:53:51
You'll be in my prayers. I have had a root canal, and honestly, for me it wasn't even as bad as a filling. But everyone has their own experiences. Just from your concern over the procedure, I would say that a Xanax beforehand may not hurt. Just make sure you don't take a dose that would make driving difficult or anything. I take one when I have to travel by plane, and it keeps me out of panic attacks. Another thing that helps is to take a cd player with headphones, and listen to calming music. My dentist is the one who told me this, and it does work. Take care, Mystic, and God bless.
Posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:45:32
In reply to Re: Please help!!!, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 14:33:46
HI Sandy, I am so glad to hear from you today. I am only usually able to post at night. I have been thinking about you alot today and prayed for you last night. Now that you have explained some of what happened to you,I can understand how you feel so alone right now. You have come to the right place. We are a family. Welcome. We hope that you come here every day as often as it helps. Sometimes just typing your feelings can make things a little clearer. I really don't want you feeling guilty about all of us worrying. That's what friends are for. I wish that I had some answers for you but honestly, I don't. All I can say is that I realize things look totally over right now and you have lost your faith in God. But I know in my heart that he DOES have a plan for you and for all of us. Time can heal all wounds if you let it. Life is so much more than a degree or the amount of money you make. It is the mark you leave on the people you meet and the people who love you. Your children may not understand now but as they get older they will see you as an incredibly strong woman who did the best she could. Raise them with compassion, love and understanding and the material things won't matter in the long run. I totally feel for you and understand how sad you must be to have to let go of a dream. A big hug from me to you. Mrs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:46:30
In reply to Re: Please help!!! » SandyWeb, posted by want info on March 22, 2004, at 14:58:52
Well said EM! Mrs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:47:58
In reply to Re: Please help!!! » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on March 22, 2004, at 15:14:47
Wow Jlynne, beautifully put! What incredible people we have here on this board. I'm praying for us all, especially you Sandy, that HE brings us peace. Mrs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:51:09
In reply to Re: Please help!!! » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 18:28:22
Simus, I am so glad that you are feeling so great! Your posts have been inspirational these past few nights. I remember last week when you were feeling so low and now listen to you. I am so happy that you have found the right med for you! Yippie! Mrs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:53:36
In reply to RE: Hello everyone, posted by mystic on March 22, 2004, at 18:53:51
Mystic, Oh honey, I feel for you! As I have said before I have severe dental phobia. Take that Xanax! I will check back with you to see how you are feeling tomorrow. Don't let your teeth ruin the progress you have made so far! By Sunday you'll be back together and feeling terrific. I just know it! We'll talk soon. Mrs. C
Posted by jlynne on March 22, 2004, at 22:18:20
In reply to RE: Hello everyone, posted by mystic on March 22, 2004, at 18:53:51
Oh, Mystic, I feel for you!!!! This is just not fair to have to go through this again so soon. I think taking a Xanax ahead of time is a GREAT idea, especially since this is an unfamiliar dentist.
You, know . . . after all of this dental stuff, the shower thing is going to be a snap!! [LOL]
Hang in there; I will pray for peace for you. ...jlynne
"Peace, be still" Mark 4:39
Posted by sexylexy on March 22, 2004, at 22:20:25
In reply to Re: Please help!!!, posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:51:09
Hey Sandy,
You said that your children would have a better life if they llved with your sister or parents. If you have nothing left where you live now, why don't you go home to you parents and regroup. You could also let your kids live with them for a while your work on yourself and are able to get back on your feel without the added guilt of not being all you could be for your children (although I am sure you are wonderful with them).
I have read your post and you have been though so much. I know you may not be but you really are a strong woman. You are also a Godly woman. You are his creation and he loves you so much. All of us on the board are suffering, but I am proud to suffer because God sent his son to suffer for us. We are suffering so that we can be the people God wants us to be, what an honor.
I hope you do not find my comments offensive, as that is not their intent. I am thinking of you and ways you could get better. Have you ever gone in paitent? It may do good for you to get some rest and work out your thoughts. God Bless you dear Sandy.
Lexy
Posted by sexylexy on March 22, 2004, at 22:23:51
In reply to Mystic, posted by jlynne on March 22, 2004, at 22:18:20
Yuck Mystic,
Good luck on your root canal, I actually do not know what one even is but it sure sounds painful. I hope that it all goes well, I will say a extra prayer for you tonight!
God Bless,
Lexy
Posted by sexylexy on March 22, 2004, at 22:27:29
In reply to Re: Mystic, posted by sexylexy on March 22, 2004, at 22:23:51
Hey Girl,
How are you? I have not seen you around lately. I hope things are going really well for you. Are you still at 15mg, is that going good. I am moved up to 20 and still in the side effect stage so I am hoping to come out of it and feel great soon. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.
God Bless,
Lexy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:41:21
In reply to kathryn lex, posted by sexylexy on March 22, 2004, at 22:27:29
I am fine. Please don't do that again.
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 22:47:48
In reply to Re: » Simus, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 20:42:53
> But you know what? Unless a bundle of cash falls through my roof, I'm not going to be able to complete my education. If I don't get back to classes by next January, I start losing credits because of the amount of time that they are good for. So money and time has run out. And I'm not getting any younger. Lol.
>
OK. I will start with the wonderful words of advice my Pastor gave me years ago. "Never make any major life decisions when in the middle of warfare." So, do not make any serious, irreversible decisions right now on school, work, or anything else until you are healthy. First and foremost, you need to focus on your health. Then all of the other issues in your life will become much clearer and simpler. You will see the options that the clouds of depression are now hiding from you. Your meds are not working, or at least they are not working well enough. We can all see that you are still suffering from physical depression. You need to get your meds adjusted. And until the depression lifts, you need some sort of counseling. Professional would be best, or from a church, or at the very least, let us here pull you through.I am curious about your meds. Of course you don't have to answer, but what have you been diagnosed with? I know you said you are on Celexa. But isn't Neurotonin an epileptic med? And Inderal is a beta blocker? My diagnosis was depression/anxiety/OCD. I was on Lexapro (very similary to Celexa) and Xanax when I was going through the rough times. Then my doctor took me off of Lexapro and put me on Wellbutrin. I was a new person overnight. I have said it before on this site, but I want to tell you specifically, I am not recommending anything here. Every drug has its place, and everybody is different. I am just offering my experiences.
> So, it's time to take care of what needs to be done around here. I just don't know, Simus. My kids would actually be better off without me. I can only bring them down. They would have everything and more if they lived with my sister or my parents. I can't even take them to movies because I can't drive, let alone own a car.
They may be better off financially. Let's say that they had all of the "things" that a kid could possibly want. But no mother. And a maniac of a father, who may just decide to try to get custody again. And why not? Do you think a judge would rule for a natural father, or for an aunt/grandparents? Who knows? Maybe he could even buy them all of those things that a kid could possibly want. Would your children be better off? And we aren't even talking about the emotional trauma of losing a mother added on. That is a story in itself. There is no one who can replace their mother. I lost my father at age 8 to leukemia. I was devestated. But I didn't have the added pain of knowing that he chose to leave me. There are so many, many times that your children are going to need YOU in their lives. You alone have been given the task of mothering these children. You alone are gifted to mother them. NO ONE can take your place. I am sorry to be tough on you here, but you need to picture the tears on these children's faces at the news that they will never see their mother again. That they will never hear the love in her voice again. That their mother will never be there to hold them when they had a bad day. That their mother will not be able to tell them that they can do anything they set their heart on. That their mother won't be there for their first date, or at their graduation. Picture the ache in their hearts on their wedding day, when they look to the seat of honor where their mother should be. When they bring their children into the world, they will not have their mother there, to see her eyes fill with tears of joy as she holds this precious new life. As I said, I am sorry to be so tough, but that is reality. You need to picture the tears on those sweet faces EVERY TIME this temptation comes to you.
>
> As to where I am.....well, the kids and I were in California (that's where they were born), and we flew away to Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada!! We started life all over again with 2 suitcases and a carry-on full of toys. We didn't even have any winter clothes!! Lol! Who knew what snow was?? Ha ha!
>
> I don't have a church. I've looked around different times, but> "nothing ever compares to the wonderful church I went to in California. I still get emails from my pastor there."
If you are to remain in Halifax, the Lord will lead you to a church that fills this void in your heart. It sounds like the Lord still has you under the spiritual covering of your pastor from California until you get settled in a church. I am from Michigan, and I am not familiar with churches in Halifax, but I know my Pastor will be. Hold on, sister. Just hold on, one day at a time, and we will get you some support. Prayer is essential, but there is nothing like a hug. Just out of curiosity, what is the name of your pastor in California? Hey, it just occurred to me that you just may be able to see our church telecast in Canada. Do you get INSP? I think we are listed under "Mark T. Barclay" - I am not sure. You might even see me. I would be the beautiful woman, with the blinding-bright halo. Oh, yeah. I forgot. The camera people stay away from me because the electromagnetic radiation from my aura messes up their cameras. (Are you smiling yet?)
> (I also still get emails from my cop friend down there. I'm so proud of his accomplishments!!! Too bad he's still married! LOL!!). Anyways, I've never found a church here that I feel comfortable in. It's just different here....seems to be more baby-food than anything.
>
> Well, I take Carly to see the doctor tomorrow. We need to help her overcome her anxiety about sleeping. She didn't go to school again today because she didn't get to sleep until the sun came up. Poor thing. I'm not sure if a 12-year old can be put on anti-anxiety meds or not, but she needs something NOW. I'm also going to get her referred to a pdoc.
>
I have two daughters, 14 and 11. It breaks my heart to see kids go through these things, but, by faith, they will come out of it stronger than before. I will be praying for her.> I still think about the walk in the woods. It would just be peaceful....and there are plenty of woods around here to choose from. Lol! I just don't know anymore. I have no use. What is my purpose?? That just got blown away, and I'm left with nothing but debt and embarrassments. I'm the black sheep. I can only bring my kids down.
>
This is the depression talking, not Sandy. I recognize it, because I have heard it out of my own mouth every time I fell into a depression. Trust me when I say that when the clouds lift, so will your negative feelings about yourself. Please believe that.> But...tomorrow's another day. It'll be okay. I'll just wait and see what happens. Maybe I'll count the grey hairs on my head!!! *smile*
>
> God bless,
> Sandy
>
Keep in contact with us. Or else I will have to strap on my snowshoes and start walking north.
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:49:56
In reply to DR. BOB and friends, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:41:21
I thought I could trust you guys. I thought I could reveal my heart. It wasn't like I was going to take a walk TOMORROW! Now I've got to carry this alone.
I'm fine. I just wish you guys hadn't jumped the gun, you know? *sigh* I'll be fine.
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 22:52:10
In reply to Re: Please help!!!, posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:45:32
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 22:55:38
In reply to Re: Please help!!!, posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:51:09
> Simus, I am so glad that you are feeling so great! Your posts have been inspirational these past few nights. I remember last week when you were feeling so low and now listen to you. I am so happy that you have found the right med for you! Yippie! Mrs. C
Thanks, Mrs. C. Maybe this post will convince Sandy that MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!!!
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:58:04
In reply to Re: » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 22:47:48
Can you at least have the courtesy to respond to my message? Please do NOT send the police here again. What was I suppose to say? Yes, please haul me away tonight in my jamies...and why don't you take the kids while you're at it??
Gosh, I can't believe you did that. I was NOT about ready to do myself in at this moment. Now who do I talk with??
I'm just upset. I knew I shouldn't have opened my mouth.
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:05:06
In reply to Re: DR. BOB, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:58:04
???????????
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:07:37
In reply to Re: DR. BOB, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:58:04
Dr. Bob,
Do you know that they got the superintendent from the building to come with the keys?? Now it will be the whole building's business.
I had to LIE to my kids. My little girl was scared half to death. She thought someone was breaking in with all that pounding going on.
Why did you do that? I thought I was talking it out with the girls.
You made a mistake, Dr. Bob. You did not need to have me checked on.
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:10:35
In reply to Re: DR. BOB » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:05:06
Simus,
Dr. Bob in Chicago sent the police here tonight, pounding on my door so loud that I didn't even want to go near it!
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:19:03
In reply to Re: DR. BOB » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:05:06
Simus,
Did you know this was going to happen?
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:21:07
In reply to Re: DR. BOB, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:07:37
Dr. Bob,
I'm going back to bed now. You make me want to cry.
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:21:30
In reply to Re: DR. BOB » Simus, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:10:35
Oh, Sandy, NO!!!
I am SO SORRY!!! I feel responsible for it too, because I was the one who got you to open up and talk to us. I NEVER, EVER thought that something like that would happen!!! I am so, so sorry.
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