![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 130 to 154 of 233. Go back in thread:
Posted by LynneDa on January 26, 2004, at 17:04:43
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on January 26, 2004, at 16:25:56
Hi Geri - Thanks for writing. I've been wondering how you've been! Have you been able to speak to anyone else?
I know you are especially sensitive to maintaining a calm relationship with your Dad, so this fight must have been very upsetting - something like that can really upset the balance of everything you've been fighting to maintain.
Sweetie, please don't give up. Please reach out if you really have a plan to end things. I do know exactly how you feel and I've gotten through those urges many times. I am so glad I did. Your life is worth so much, please don't let your depression tell you otherwise. Just do the basics and get by until you can get help. It's okay to ask for help.
Sometimes you have to take it day by day or even hour by hour. BUT, once you get through the next couple of years, you can chart your own course!!! You will be brave enough at some point to get the help you need - whether it's counseling, meds or both - and then you will be so glad you hung in there.
I so wish you could reach out to your family. It's so unfair that they can't be there for you! Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you. Please reach out to one of your friends. Talking can be such a good outlet for pain and unhappiness & really can allow you to see things more optimistically.
Keep us posted, we all care about you and what happens to you!!
~ Lynne
Posted by sfmom on January 26, 2004, at 22:56:13
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on January 26, 2004, at 16:25:56
> hello, it has been a while since i last wrote. Within this time, i have had a lot of time to think. I thought i was doing better. I thought that i was gaining control. Then all of a sudden things just changed. a fight with my dad, the thought of not wanting to live anymore. all those thoughts just started to flow it.
Hi Geri,
I too, was wondering how you've been doing. I'm sorry that I didn't write for a while, but was kind of caught up in my own mess.
I couldn't agree more with Lynne. It is completely understandable that a fight with your Dad would throw you off. With me it has always been my mom that I was never good enough for, so I really understand. I actually moved out of my parents' house and in with my best friend and her parents when I was 17 and finished up high school living with them. I don't know if it was the best move I've ever made because with all of my newfound freedom I started doing a lot of drugs and sleeping with idiots. Just another senario to keep in mind.
Have you been talking to your friend about things? You mentioned before having her come with you to see a counselor. I really think that's a great idea. We're so much more empowered when we have someone we know is on our side to back us up. (Or to give us a hug.)
When I read about your "freak out" at school, one of the reasons I couldn't respond was that it hit so close to home. Along with my depression, I used to have (before finding the right medication) panic attacks that were terrifying and and seemingly totally out of my control. The reason I started having these panic attacks was my body's way of telling me that I couldn't ignore my depression any longer. And belive me, I did just that for about two years with all the warning signs in place. The last thing I want to do is scare you more than you must already be, but our bodies have an amazing way of making us deal with the issues we need to, or of making us miserable if we don't. But through it all, I still firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that we're not dealt anything we can't handle, even if it takes all of our strength. And once you get through it, and are able to look back at the difficult journey you've been through, you have the knowledge for the rest of your life that you have the strength to protect yourself, heal yourself, love yourself, and overcome whatever obsticles that life puts in your way.
The way you have been expressing yourself to us has been honest and true and we all would do whatever we could to help you. But if things are getting worse for you, and it sounds like they are, it might not be enough. We have so much faith in you and in your inner strength and know that when or if you seek professional help (with or without meds) that you can overcome this and come out the other side.
Please let us know what we can do to help you on this journey.
Love, Lyssa
Posted by geri122 on January 29, 2004, at 14:56:48
In reply to Re: Saturday » geri122, posted by sfmom on January 26, 2004, at 22:56:13
I've been trying so hard to maintain my cool and stay in control. I just don't know anymore. I try so hard to be happy. There are so many things that i want/need and because of how i feel i get scared, i run away. I'm running from a guy who could make me happy, because im scared. I can't turn to those closest to me, how can i turn to one i barley know. Its all a haze. I have been getting these headaches that make me crazy. I just don't know... and i am tired of saying that
Posted by LynneDa on January 29, 2004, at 15:10:26
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on January 29, 2004, at 14:56:48
Geri - It's okay to admit you need help getting happy and telling us about it is a good way to try and begin the healing process.
Starting a relationship with someone is hard and scary, especially when you are feeling unsure about yourself in the ways that you are. You seem very overwhelmed and I can understand why. What are you scared of exactly? Letting someone in doesn't mean they have to know everything about you in the first few weeks. You can get to know someone a bit without wearing your heart on your sleeve. Take a chance Geri!!! If you know he's a good guy and you know you're strong enough not to let him hurt you, go for it. Let him in a bit! The amount of stress that having a relationship can relieve (by having fun and having someone care about you) could be enough to start turning things around for you.
Can you tell your parents about your headaches? This could be from anxiety, not eating or it could be you need to have your eyes checked! But you really should get it checked out.
Keep us posted sweetie and hang in there, you'll find a way through this and we are here to help as much as we can!
~ Lynne>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I've been trying so hard to maintain my cool and stay in control. I just don't know anymore. I try so hard to be happy. There are so many things that i want/need and because of how i feel i get scared, i run away. I'm running from a guy who could make me happy, because im scared. I can't turn to those closest to me, how can i turn to one i barley know. Its all a haze. I have been getting these headaches that make me crazy. I just don't know... and i am tired of saying that
Posted by sfmom on January 29, 2004, at 17:30:14
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on January 29, 2004, at 14:56:48
Hi Geri,
I know it seems wierd but sometimes it's a lot harder to open up to the people who are closest to you. One of the great things about therapists is that they do not judge you, no matter what. Also, they've pretty much seen it all so the things that seem so crazy to us actually make sense to them! But it's obvious that you need to talk to someone you can trust. Please keep on posting to us, we'll support you in whatever ways we can, but talking so someone who has been trained to deal with these issues is really helpful and affirming. Take care of yourself and keep us posted.
Love, Lyssa
Posted by LynneDa on January 30, 2004, at 10:31:55
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on January 29, 2004, at 14:56:48
Hi Geri - Here are a few more thoughts I had.
#1 you have to eat. Even if it's just a peanut butter sandwich or piece of fruit or some string cheese. Something with a little protein may help your headaches. So will water, you may be a bit dehydrated.Some things I do when I feel agitated, out of control, etc.:
* Drink something with caffeine in it.
* Eat some chocolate.
* Scream into a pillow - if you're at school, you could take your coat, go in the bathroom, wad it up and scream. I know, weird, but it helps.
* Walk around outside for a few minutes. Are you allowed to go outside your school building during the day? What about just walking around in the gym or shooting baskets?
* Take 2 or 3 very deep breaths, all the way down to your diaphragm - the place you're supposed to yell from when you cheer so you don't wear out your throat!Do something to change the situation physically at that moment, if you can. Sometimes it helps to stop your mind by focusing on your physical body. Hang in there, kiddo, you will get through this!
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on January 30, 2004, at 15:25:38
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on January 30, 2004, at 10:31:55
everything you guys have said i've tried, sometimes they work and other times they don't. Sometimes i think i just need a change of enviroment. get away from everything. I need time to myself, away from people and the stress that sets me off.
I will hang in there, and thanks for being here for me. you guys are a lot of help and support
Posted by geri122 on February 3, 2004, at 13:27:33
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on January 30, 2004, at 15:25:38
i have made some descisions within the past couple of months that now that i think about it, shouldn't have. I really need to tell soemone but i don't know how. You see im not proud of what i did, but the sad thing is i would do it again, i might even, can't really say. I just don't want them to tell anyone or get mad. What do i do
Posted by LynneDa on February 3, 2004, at 13:41:43
In reply to Desicions, posted by geri122 on February 3, 2004, at 13:27:33
Geri -
Everyone makes mistakes along the way, even mistakes that hurt other people. There's not one person who goes through life without making at least one really bad choice - if not 2 or 6 or 10!!! I've found it's always better to 'fess up and get it over with rather than let it fester inside of you. Sending a letter usually works pretty well, if you're uncomfortable facing the person. Writing it all out also helps me to organize my thoughts about the issue so if I do want to talk to the person, I'll be ready to explain it logiclly and have answers ready for anything they might throw at me.Can you tell us about it? Maybe we can help you with a solution. You're still learning about how to make decisions, so whatever it is, don't be too hard on yourself, ok?
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
i have made some descisions within the past couple of months that now that i think about it, shouldn't have. I really need to tell soemone but i don't know how. You see im not proud of what i did, but the sad thing is i would do it again, i might even, can't really say. I just don't want them to tell anyone or get mad. What do i do
Posted by geri122 on February 4, 2004, at 9:20:20
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by LynneDa on February 3, 2004, at 13:41:43
Sometimes i feel like the relationship with my father is my fault. If i was a better daughter we would be better off. I feeled like i have failed him, i should have tried harder, been better, then he would be able to love me and i could love him.
Posted by LynneDa on February 4, 2004, at 10:00:03
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by geri122 on February 4, 2004, at 9:20:20
Oh my . . . I could have written these lines when I was your age. I felt the same way about my Dad! Honey, you are not responsible for his moods, his attitudes, his weaknesses or unhappiness!!! I cannot stress that enough. He's the grown-up and should take the mature upper hand in a relationship with his child.
Parents have a special influence on their kids and many times it comes across as manipulation vs. love. Families seem to know best how to push each others' buttons, either to annoy each other or to help. And every family does a bit of both! What things do you think you could have done better? Is it something you can talk to him about? I hate to say it, but my Dad wasn't "mature" enough until he hit his 40s to really deal with emotional issues and to look at himself honestly!
Some people, I will say men in particular, are not capable of showing love in the ways we think are appropriate and acceptable. My Dad was so hard on me, always pushing me to do better. He didn't like any emotional outbursts, no complaining, no excuses. I felt like I had to be perfect all the time or I'd be an embarrassment and a failure to him. It wasn't until I was in college that we talked about it and he apologized, believe it or not.
The point is, he loved me, but wasn't good at showing it. The only attention I got was pretty negative cuz he later said he wanted me to do well in the world and thought if he kept on me, he was doing his job. And I was a pretty model kid - good grades, nice friends, never in any trouble, etc. It was hard to take and took me a lot of years to realize it was not my fault, that was just my Dad's way.
Either your Dad is taking something out on you - his own unhappiness or anger at the world - and none of that is your fault in any way, shape or form. Or, your Dad is being hard on you because he sees potential in you and wants you to do well. Either way, you have to understand that you grew up, all these years, with his behaviors and attitudes forming who you are now. He is partially responsible for the person you have and will become. Therefore, you cannot blame yourself. Maybe the 2 of you are too alike and that's why you clash?
Please, please do not take this on yourself by feeling guilty that "if only I was better...". You know what is right and wrong behavior. You know when you're not being a "good" daughter - arguing, doing things purposely to annoy him - all kids do that. You also know when you are trying your hardest and being your best. That is what most parents want from their kids. Just keep being the best self you can be for YOU and try to realize that the way he is is not your fault or your responsibility to try and fix it by being the perfect daughter!
I know this is long, but I hope it helps a bit. I can really relate to how you are feeling!
Take care kiddo,
~ Lynne>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sometimes i feel like the relationship with my father is my fault. If i was a better daughter we would be better off. I feeled like i have failed him, i should have tried harder, been better, then he would be able to love me and i could love him.
Posted by geri122 on February 4, 2004, at 13:01:14
In reply to Re: Desicions » geri122, posted by LynneDa on February 4, 2004, at 10:00:03
my dad is 50.. he should be mature about it. Everything you discribed about ur father is just like mine. He doesn't even give me space to make my own decisions. Im hanging in don't worry about that... i can't lie tho i thought about what the world would be lke if i wasn't even born.. how would people be and that sort.. but i can't change that can i? NO
Posted by LynneDa on February 4, 2004, at 13:15:13
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by geri122 on February 4, 2004, at 13:01:14
Well, at 50 I guess he's probably not going to change! You must be off school for a snow day today? Our kids were off earlier this week and probably will be again tomorrow. Anyway, I'm glad you feel you can hang in there. You are on this Earth for a reason, my dear! Don't ever doubt that or wish it didn't happen. I'm sure your Mom would be much worse off without you there if you are stronger than she is, against your Dad I mean.
You will make what you want of YOUR life, once you're given the chance! For another couple years you have to share control with your parents and I know that is really difficult sometimes.
Just be as respectful as you can, within reason, and remember that some people just can't show love the way we think of as acceptable. I know it's hard to live with a "micro-manager", as we call it here at work. Another word is "control freak". But I don't think there's anything malicious about either of those types of people. They just think they know what's best for everyone else! Just think of the good practice this is for your future job - if you can deal with your Dad, you'll be able to maneuver your way through all sorts of personality issues in the workplace - and that will allow you to go very far in your career, believe me!
Hang in there! I think you're a strong person and you can find your way through this!
~ Lynne
my dad is 50.. he should be mature about it. Everything you discribed about ur father is just like mine. He doesn't even give me space to make my own decisions. Im hanging in don't worry about that... i can't lie tho i thought about what the world would be lke if i wasn't even born.. how would people be and that sort.. but i can't change that can i? NO
Posted by geri122 on February 17, 2004, at 13:20:48
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by LynneDa on February 4, 2004, at 13:15:13
its been a while since i have last posted. I just want to let you know that i am still here and still healthy. Nothing has really changed... but i am trying to cope and deal with it. I will try to post here more frequently.
Posted by LynneDa on February 17, 2004, at 13:34:20
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by geri122 on February 17, 2004, at 13:20:48
Hi! I'm glad to hear from you. It sounds like you're doing what you can and maintaining - which is better than sinking . . . good for you:-) Take care, I'm pulling for you - that your bad feelings will go away and/or that you learn really good coping skills to get through them!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>its been a while since i have last posted. I just want to let you know that i am still here and still healthy. Nothing has really changed... but i am trying to cope and deal with it. I will try to post here more frequently.
>
>
Posted by geri122 on March 24, 2004, at 18:15:52
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by LynneDa on February 17, 2004, at 13:34:20
It has been a very long time since i last wrote. For a while things were acually looking up, but then life made its turn. I lost control of myself. I spent the night at a friends house and well we went out, to a party. We started to drink and all of my problems seemed to disappear. I didn't have to think about my life and how horrible it was. I liked it. That was about 3 months ago, I've been doing the same since. I thought that my life was hell before, but ever since i made the decision to try to drown my problems away, everything just seemed to get worse. I have lost all my friends, but the worst part of it is i have disappointed my sister. The other night i told her i love you and good night and she couldn't say it back. I cryed. It hurt me soo much. I just wanted everything to be ok in my life. I mean i tried almost everything else. I'm really alone now. Everything is soo wrong. I mean, i'm done. i look aroung and see what it is doing to my life. I really am done. I told that to a friend and she didn't believe. This is the same friend that i use to tell everything. She was always there for me and now during a time that i need her most she leaves me. Im dying inside. I really am. I don't know what to do. And the sad thing i really don't care. I have gotten to that point were i do not care. Im sorry that i am all of a sudden telling you guys this, but i need to tell someone this. I need to!
Here, this is something i wrote about my life:
They turned their backs,
And walked away.
They leave me here,
Alone to stray.
I lost all hope of what i had,
My life has gone from good to bad.
They thought they knew about my life,
My back was stabbed with a knife.
I live in fear from all the rest,
I hide behind what's not the best.
Afraid of what could really be,
Somthing worth while for me.
They musy be perfect as could be,
Because now they all seem to judge me.
That one decision that i made,
What I'd do to make a trade.
I'm forced to walk the world in shame,
Now whose the one that i should blame?
THey turned their backs,
And walked away.
They leave me here,
Alone to stray.
They say their worried, that's their excuse,
Then why can't we make a truse?
THey run their mouths about my life,
Again, there goes another knife.
"Friends Forever" we use to say,
Why doesn't that mean something today?
Posted by fallsfall on March 25, 2004, at 8:10:25
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by geri122 on March 24, 2004, at 18:15:52
Hi Geri,
I'm glad you posted again.
Alcohol can certain make it seem like the problems just go away. I think that you are very smart to realize that it doesn't really do that - that it really makes things worse. I'm so glad you could figure this out in 3 months. Lots of people take a lifetime to understand that.
A term that people use for this is "self-medicating". You were using Alcohol as a medicine to dull your pain, and you were "prescribing" it for yourself. This is such a common thing. Don't be mad that you did it, given how much pain you have been in, it is really quite understandable. But do recognize that for you to go to that extreme must mean that you really do have some situations that you feel are out of control. Recognizing that is important.
I remember that you had a favorite teacher (was it you English teacher from a previous year? my memory is terrible...). Could you think about talking to her? You can tell her that you need to talk to someone, but that you have to ask her to promise not to tell anyone what you say. She can keep that promise as long as you aren't about to kill yourself. It doesn't sound like you are ready to do that, are you? Or talk to the Guidance Counselor you mentioned.
You can start slowly - start with the situation with your friends and your sister, maybe. That you feel like they are all deserting you. Maybe that topic won't feel too scary. If she asks why you think they are doing this, you can say that you aren't quite comfortable talking about the reasons quite yet. What you need right now is for someone (some real, live, flesh and blood person) to know and understand that you are hurting. You don't have to talk about the alcohol, or the depression, or your parents. Just let someone know that you are hurting and need some support. It may be a very short conversation, and they may only be able to say "Gee, Geri, I can tell that you are really upset by this. I wish that life wasn't so hard for you. I can't really help you right now, because I don't know what is going on. But I am sorry that you are in such a bad position right now. If you decide that you want to tell me more later, I would be happy to listen."
I wish that I was your teacher or Guidance Counselor so that I could say that to you.
(((((Geri)))))
Posted by geri122 on March 25, 2004, at 15:53:47
In reply to Re: Desicions » geri122, posted by fallsfall on March 25, 2004, at 8:10:25
I acually had a conversation with one of the people that turned on me or whatever. I don't know what to do. i Mean i let her know what was going on. She said that they all were worried and that is why they all stopped talking to me. They said that they didn;t want me to get hurt. They said they tried to warn me or whatever, They have no clue and that is my biggest problem, they don't know. NO ONE does and that is really hard. No i can;t turn to that teacher, it is really hard to turn to a friend let alone a adult. I mean, yeah a friend could not do anything to help, but and adult can and that scares me. My biggest fear is i will tell an adult and they will go to my principle who is friends with my dad and he knows me real well. If they go to him he will go to my parents, i can't deal with that right now, I mean with all the problems that i am already dealing with, my parents are also a problem. I can't even begin to explain to them how i feel about life, and just everything. Posting here made the only sence. I just i feel so tired and dead. You know like everything around me is moving on in life except for me. I am here all alone stuck in hell. I don't know if what i am saying makes sence, because i really can't make much sence these days. I just don't know!!
Posted by fallsfall on March 25, 2004, at 19:23:59
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by geri122 on March 25, 2004, at 15:53:47
Yes, you make perfect sense.
I really wish you could trust your teacher. If she PROMISED not to tell anyone, could you believe her? The only thing that I know of that would make her legally bound to tell someone was if you were planning to kill yourself or another person. But you aren't (right?). You are miserable, and don't know what to do, but as long as you are planning to stay alive, she SHOULD keep her promise. It is always possible that someone would break their promise, but if she is a good teacher, she will understand the importance of a promise like that.
I'm glad you talked to your friend. I guess I don't quite see why stopping talking to you is a good thing to do if they are worried about you.
I know that you are feeling so alone. I know that feeling, and I know how much better it feels to have someone else understand your pain. Can you talk to your sister? If I remember correctly, you started posting in November (or October)? That is an awfully long time to be in pain. I wish you had someone on your side.
Please think about talking to the teacher. You don't have to tell her anything that you don't want to. Give her a little bit of information, and see what she does with it. Does she listen? Does she understand why it is hard for you? Does she have any good suggestions? Does she order you to do something you aren't comfortable with? Does she go to the principal? If she asks questions that you don't want to answer, you can just say "I'm not ready to answer that question. Maybe later, but not now". Will she accept that answer? She can't MAKE you tell her anything you don't want to. You do have control. You can just talk about your sister, or your friends not talking to you - these things happen to every teenage girl. Talking about these things won't tell her anything that could be used "against" you. But it could tell you how she will react to you and whether she can help you feel less alone.
I hate to see you hurting so much for so long.
(email if you want to babble fallsfall - a hotmail account)
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 25, 2004, at 19:56:55
In reply to Re: Desicions, posted by geri122 on March 25, 2004, at 15:53:47
> I am here all alone stuck in hell. I don't know if what i am saying makes sence, because i really can't make much sence these days. I just don't know!!
>
<<<Geri, when comparing what you're saying to what others share here, what you are saying others say, too. Can you say which parts of your "hell" is something you caused alone?Most of us have trouble telling the difference between what other people induce onto us and which things we create. Whatever is someone elses and not ours alone, should be ignored and or avoided. It might be always right for them but cna be bad for us. If what they demand is bad for us, we need to cut those things out of our lives.
We can then be the adult that we always wanted to be. We can then float-our-own-boat! At first it feels awkward not having someone telling us how and when to think. As time goes on, we get good at it. We surprise ourselves how good we really are.
This may seem like I'm not listening to you. I am listening and hearing the same things from many people. They can't make sense out of this or that. If the decision was really theirs, they would see clearly what was going on. Someone else wants you to do something that doesn't feel right, even though you trust them (or something like this).
After age 15, the genetic-god has changed our wiring, so what used to be safe, may no longer seem safe since we have new skills of perception to look at things with. Things may now look different, but I submit, more true!
So, if we feel out of sorts, we can do ourselves a favor and trust our vision and hold testimony and opinion suspect. They are only strories about what happened, not what you saw. Trust what you saw, make a decision, and go forward!
Rod
PS: denial is an enemy of common sense. Acceptance is an adult attribute that can replace denial.
Posted by fallsfall on March 25, 2004, at 20:35:05
In reply to Re: Desicions are different for grown-ups » geri122, posted by 64Bowtie on March 25, 2004, at 19:56:55
Geri is 16. Don't ask her to grow up too soon.
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 26, 2004, at 2:40:31
In reply to Re: Rod... » 64Bowtie, posted by fallsfall on March 25, 2004, at 20:35:05
Posted by geri122 on March 28, 2004, at 19:54:49
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know! (nm) » fallsfall, posted by 64Bowtie on March 26, 2004, at 2:40:31
Your right i should grow up... i should be able to deal with my problems also but ican't. I don't want to open up because i don't want them to judge, but they do anyway. My life is hell, why because it seems like everything i do is wrond, like i get punished for everything i do, no matter what it is.I don't know how to be honest with myself and others expect me to be honest with them. My friend is on my case because i don't talk to her... what she doesn;t know is she has hurt me in soo many ways and she has no clue. Should i tell her and ruin what little friendship we have left...
tell my sister... im sorry but she is naive. She is the complete opposite of me. And the big reason is im embarrassed, I don't want her to know i am weak. I don't want to be weak.
Posted by fallsfall on March 29, 2004, at 6:40:22
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on March 28, 2004, at 19:54:49
I know you are embarassed. But people can't help you if they don't know what the problem is.
How strong is your friendship if you can't tell her that she has hurt you? If you believe that she really is a true friend, you should be able to talk about this.
Geri, You need to share with someone. I can tell that posting here help you - and please continue to post. But Babble is NOT a replacement for a local, real, live support system.
Human beings are community oriented creatures. That is how we survive - by leaning on and helping each other.
Sure, your embarassed. All of us are. None of us don't have things that we hide and don't want to tell. But I truly have found that having someone (anyone) else who understands what life is like for me is incredibly calming. The things that you are embarassed about (at least what you have told us) are not so weird and unusual. But they are painful. There is NOTHING embarassing about needing someone to understand you. EVERYBODY needs someone to understand them. Just start small and give someone the chance to show you that they are on your side.
You could start by talking to your teacher and asking her about confidentiality. Ask her what she would do under certain circumstances, and then list some things that apply to you and some things that don't. Like ask her what she would do if you told her you were shoplifting, or that you were into drugs, or that you were really depressed, or that all your friends were leaving you, or that you felt too embarassed to talk about what is bothering you, or that you were having sex with guys you don't know. Make up a great list - put some outlandish stuff in the list so that she knows that some of it can't be true - then she won't know where to draw the line between what could be true and what isn't.
Geri, sometimes we have to decide that we need help more than we need to keep from being embarassed. What is the worst that could happen if you talk to your teacher? If you've only asked hypothetical questions, or talked about your friends not talking to you anymore - what is she going to do? Call your parents and tell them that your friends aren't talking to you and that you have a vivid imagination? I don't think she would do that. But even if she did, your response is that your friends aren't talking to you. That you are 16. And you were testing to see how she would handle confidences - and she flunked. That doesn't seem so awful to me. Does it to you?
It is more likely that she will listen and care and maybe be concerned, and ask some questions that you can refuse to answer. And then she'll say that if you want to talk more, that she would be happy to listen.
You need to take that chance. The pain of embarassment is LESS than the pain that you are feeling now. It is scary to take that leap and trust someone, but I REALLY think that you will feel better if you do.
I'm sending you strength and courage. Keep in touch.
Posted by fallsfall on March 29, 2004, at 7:22:32
In reply to Re: Geri » geri122, posted by fallsfall on March 29, 2004, at 6:40:22
Geri,
Emmaley posted the words to a song in a thread below. When I read them I thought of you. It is the first song in her post, and it is "Strength, courage and wisdom by India Aire" I haven't heard the song, but I love the lyrics. Here's the post: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/329721.html
Thinking of you.
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