Posted by sunny10 on May 6, 2005, at 10:45:57
In reply to Re: AuntieMel » sunny10, posted by AuntieMel on May 5, 2005, at 17:49:11
I think it WILL take hearing that from a third party for him to truly understand what TRUST and intimacy ARE !!
He IS angry that I don't immeditaely trust him again just because he admitted he was wrong and promised not to do it again. It is a form of denial that makes it easy for him to forget the past promises that he made and broke, but I was forced to give up my OWN denial when my air flow was cut off by his hands.
This is exactly why I won't wait forever for him to go into therapy. He says that he can't even think by himself while living at his mom's temporarily. He is anticipating the move out of his mom's house by June 1. I expect him to be in therapy by June 15th. He has it all built up in his mind as something difficult to establish- mainly because I think he is afraid of having to go in there and own up to not being the perfect person he would prefer to think he is.
I went to my first anger management therapy session yesterday. I picked an office that is convenient to SO's work; they will provide each of us with individual counselling and are prepared to bring us together for couples counselling (with conflict resolution, of course) when they feel we are both ready to do sessions together. I need to learn to be assertive without becoming offensive instead of holding it all in until I fall headlong into depression or blow up and bring up everything that has made me angry in the last two years!!! Neither of those is conducive to healthy conflict resolution- and my stomach is beginning to feel like I'm getting ulcers! I've started my part- he has to join me if he wants a future with me.
I will keep you informed- thanks for caring and for being there when I have these questions.
I am truly out of my league with this stuff, but you're making it a little more understandable for me, so thanks!!!
-sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:492705
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050506/msgs/494497.html