Posted by Pfinstegg on July 18, 2005, at 19:05:01
In reply to its been awhile-anyone there?, posted by Jadah on July 17, 2005, at 11:59:07
Hi Jadah! It was good to hear from you, as I have been wondering what happened. I do think, overall, that in the long run there is likely to be an awful lot of pain in situations like yours, but, at the same time, perhaps not always. Frieda Fromm-Reichmann, who was the therapist in "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden", and was also a distinguished psychoanalyst at Chestnut Lodge in Maryland, married her patient, Erich Fromm. They were happily married for many years, and both led very productive professional and personal lives. This was long before any official pronouncements about sexual boundary crossings.
Still, there are some especially difficult issues- perhaps the same ones as all people face in marriage- but magnified because there are bound to be transference feelings which will change under the daily experience of marriage- if indeed he intends to do that. You mentioned some of these yourself, wondering whether you would be able to sustain the intense feelings you have for him.
The nicest thing you mentioned is that five years of therapy with him really helped you change,grow and become a happier person! That is just wonderful, and seems to show in your being able to handle an operation for cancer (I'm very sorry to hear that; I didn't know you were having to deal with that, too), and your starting a new relationship. Even though you don't feel completely sure about that one, it still shows self-confidence and personal hope that you did it.
I was one of the people who felt pretty negatively towards your therapist for allowing this to happen. I feel a bit differently now. I certainly don't judge you (and never did), but I do hear you say that this is what life has brought you, and that it has been very profound and meaningful. I do hope that you have some feeling of personal choice over what will happen in the future- that, if you wanted to, you could marry the man you choose. It would be hard to feel all the choice is in someone else's hands entirely.
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:528980
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20050329/msgs/529827.html