Posted by alexandra_k on November 11, 2018, at 23:58:54
In reply to Re: baseball?, posted by alexandra_k on November 11, 2018, at 22:52:19
of course i understand it's a bit gimmicky. i was interested in the idea of embodied cognition vs disembodied cognition and neural nets and learning algorighms vs 'rules in the head'. of course i understand it's a robotics / learning algorithm network based program, really. the theory of mind is sort of incidental. actually... i'm not entirely sure what it's about or why there is stuff about it online now, more than 10 years later... anyway... it captured my imagination at the time because i was interested in theories of emotion and emotional development. because it captures something that people often still don't at all understand... a message to back off. yeah.
i wonder if you can teach people to interact with kismet so they treat their own infants better? or if people simply never do understand why the hell they should back off for, if they don't want to.anyway...
i'm sure i heard from somewhere that someone applied to more than 80 residency programs and i don't know how many interviews came out of that. so... i won't take it personally.
i'm frightened, baseball, about how i've been feeling, lately. over the years, here, things have been grinding me down. how i haven't been able to accomplish anything much since returning. how i haven't succeeded, at all, in meeting people like me. people who are as intelligent and motivated as me to work on / for the stuff i've been working on. no shortage of people *saying* they want to work, but doing the work is different entirely. and increasingly it seems to me that doing the work isn't rewarded, and so at the end of the day more fool me for doing the work. i'm feeling lonely and isolated and i feel like most of the people in the vicinity are... psychopaths. really. have been selected for their ability to keep other psychopaths entertained. they are supposed to entertain each other to keep the heat away from other people who... are so distant they start to feel like mythical beings. i start to doubt i have actual memories of interacting with people who are different...
it feels like an awful kind of oppression abuse. just so many psychopathic, awful people attracted to wherever there is a medical school. that seems to be what it is. it brings out the worst in people and it brings out the worst of the people. and then plenty of people want to do it because of all this... it's really really awful. these awful awful bully people who see there's money to be made and people to be abused. all the awful.
anyway... i suppose i feel that i'm close now. if i am, at all. interview in a couple weeks... or that's that for this year. in which case i apply again next year. in which case if that doesn't work out... well... i won't be continuing on in this country one way or the other. i'll be pretty f*ck*ng mad if i don't get to get started on things next year. i'm pretty f*ck*ng mad the last 10 years of my life have been wasted by nasty psychopaths who can't see anything beyond their own selfish interests.
i think maybe the dean of fass... the one who was behind my application being processed later than usual... the one who ensured i didn't even get a fass scholarship this year... i think she's gone, now. i just inquired about my reimbursement for costs application and someone emailed me straight back and said it should have been done... i think maybe things are shifting... it does take time... i need to get started with med next year. i'll keep my head down as best i can... but the psychopaths are starting to wear me out, here. just wear me out.
i got a text message reminder i'm due for a cervical smear today. i never gave them permission to text message me. i explicitly requested they NOT EVER text message me. there is a little note on my file that says i requested to 'opt off' which they just keep on ignoring...
the default is taken to be that they just do whatever they want with you whenever they want. if you object you can state your objection but they will continue.
we have no notion at all of informed consent.
things are precisely backwards here.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1101847
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20181103/msgs/1101981.html