Posted by alexandra_k on November 2, 2018, at 4:56:47
In reply to Re: and another gym bites the dust..., posted by baseball55 on November 1, 2018, at 17:58:05
> Forgive me if this sounds unkind, Alex, because I certainly do not mean it in that spirit. But it seems to me that you clash a lot with people in many settings and, perhaps, misconstrue what people are saying, or maybe the spirit or intention in which they are saying it.
Hey. I know you aren't an unkind person, and I appreciate your honesty. I do seem to clash a lot with people. I think what is common to the setting is that they are in a position of power and they decide things like where I live or what I do (or do not) study or how I lift weights in the gym...
> Maybe the comment about using clips was not an order, but meant as a helpful suggestion.I initially interpreted it as such. Shook my head a little and explained that I didn't want to add any more weight to the bar. It was at that point that she explained that it wasn't a request - it was an order. In the name of the magical Gods that she has a personal direct line to: Health and Safety. At which point I took note of her name and said I would talk to her manager about that because I didn't believe it was a matter of health and safety. I then left. As they say: Turn and walk away. She has the power to prevent me lifting if I don't lift the way she says. I have the power to lift or to turn and walk away. So I turned and walked away.
> They do keep the weights from falling, should you start to lose control of the bar.
They are rubber plates that are designed to fall onto a platform surface. If they fall off, it's actually no big deal. They don't tend to fall off, though. Like how when people dive they don't tend to hit their heads on the diving board when people lift Olympic weights (at considerably less than max effort) they don't tend to drop the weights crooked.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNk2EfcFCzk
see how the weights don't fall off even when you drop them at the end of the lift? and I wasn't even dropping them at the end of the lift. I was lowering it slowly (and lifting it slowly too, for that matter).
I do see sense of using clips when you have metal weight plates not designed to be dropped. I do see sense of using clips when you are bench pressing because that can go horribly wrong when something goes wrong with one arm or plates slide off one side and the other side ricochets up.
But I was lifting 2x5kg rubberised plates on the platform. In a deadlift movement. Not even anything dynamic, at all.
> So maybe a response like "thanks, but I think I should be okay" or "do you really think I need them" would lead to less conflict. Also, my experience with weights and power lifters is that they are very happy to give advice, especially to novices and women, on form, etc.
So... I feel like I tried to do things the way you suggested. With respect to saying I didn't want to add weight... But she decided to pull rank. At which point I decided to pull rank on her and speak with her manager.
I spoke with her manager today and assessed his reaction to various things... I don't know that he lifts, at all. I think he's a manager who was trained as a manager rather than a manager who is a physiotherapist or a sport scientist or... I found myself in the position of needing to try and justify why what I wanted to do was safe.
I have this idea... It's like... When someone is driving the car then you don't start trying to tell them how to drive. Most people would really resent that and would probably say 'if you don't like how I drive get out of my car'. I feel like when someone is lifting at the gym then if they aren't putting the people around them in danger then other people should shut their pie hole. I don't go about the gym trying to tell anybody else how or what they should be doing. I see plenty of sh*t I think it stupid and plenty of sh*t that I think will likely get people injured, but I don't say anything because nobody asked me for my opinion. And because I should really just mind my own business. Which is my own behavior and how I conduct myself. Not trying to get other people to act or behave in ways I see fit simply because I can.
> I used to be a curmudgeon and do this leave me alone response. But then I started listening and asking their advice and it greatly helped my form. These guys know what they are doing and they are always helping and watching out for each other. Gym rats are also used to sharing equipment, so I have found that when the gym is crowded, all I have to ask is - can I work in with you? With free weights, this isn't alway practical because I'm using so little weight than they are. But most are happy and accustomed to taking turns on machines or telling you, with free weights, how many more sets they are doing.
I don't know anything about swimming or about swim training. I learn a lot by watching the people train that. Particularly the little kids. I think there is a really small group of tiny kids and they work really hard and have brightness in their eyes.
I'm sure people would be willing to coach me if I wanted to join a group. The thing is, though, that this is my leisure time. It isn't work time. I do't have to do things that I dont' want to do in my leisure time (of all times). It's my freaking leisure time. For me to *enjoy* and *play* and so on -- so long as I don't get in the the way of other people working and playing.
I enjoy developing my *feel* for the water. Minimal movements that result in maximium glide. I like to work on my streamline and exercises that encourage me to lengthen my lines in the pool. I like to... Do my thing. To be honest, I really like to be free to move my body as *I* see fit. To discover a creeky movement that needs flossing. To discover a muscle knot that needs releasing. To discover something that needs activating. I'm sure I could learn from others. That's not really the issue here, though. The issue here, though, is that there are times when I just want to be allowed to do my own thing. This seems to repeatedly be what public spaces will not allow me.
After around 1 month people start throwing tantrums that I will not interact with them the way they want me to. That seems to be a recurring thing. For example in yoga or whatever... To start with I can go and focus on what I am doing and focus on improving what I am doing. But eventually I am expected to hold back on what I am doing and interact with someone else (typically someone who is there to yak yak yak yak yak primarily and who is constantly scanning around them all the time and who seems completely unable to focus on improving themself or simply enjoying their journey).
I think it is because I am female. So I am expected to be other - focused.
In the weights room nobody tells the big guys what to do. I can't train in those gyms, typically, because nobody tells the big guys that they should probably give the lady's barbell to the lady because she wants to lift it.
If there arne't big guys around who people are afraid of then typically it's the trainers or employees who will go around ordering people about. It's a... Prestige. Kudos. Pissing on someone sort of a thing to do.
You don't tell someone what to do in the gym unless they make it clear they give a damn about your advice / opinion.
I trained Olympic Weightlifing properly and it is a very technique dependent thing to do. Like ballet or like gymnastics. I did a year of personal training and I actually did learn a lot... But I learned far more from previous stuff I learned back when some of the biggest names in the field were offering technique advice to people who wanted it (including me) who posted videos on Youtube and so on.
I'm capable of asking for advice and responding to it.
But people telling me what to do because they have the power to do that...
Or people who demand that I interact with them / yap yap yap with them even when they can see that I'm trying to be / remain immersed in what I'm doing... I can't tolerate them. No. I'm not paid to babysit them.
I could have just done what she said. Put clips on.
But the thing is... Then the next time I went it would be an instruction to do (or not do) something else.
And so it would go on.
All I have the power to do at this point is to walk away. So I'll do that.
I'll look into a home barbell as a priority for me. I have not been able to train in New Zealand properly. In Australia I could only because either the gym was empty (the staff monitored the heavy weights room - uh me - via ceiling cam) or becuase the biggest guys in the gym glared at anyone who looked like they might be about to approach me with 'advice' and would actually say 'f*ck off, she knows what she's doing' if anyone tried to instruct me.
I deserve to be allowed to exercise the way I see fit. As does everyone.
I don't comment on their f*ck ups. That's not my place.
If they won't shut up about mine... I don't want to / I can't train there.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1101759
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20180816/msgs/1101765.html