Posted by Christ_empowered on January 26, 2015, at 20:53:36
...no one around here respects me. Men are more vocal, of course, but...I've gotten comments from plenty of women around here, too, especially in my neighborhood.
My parents moved up in the world. Depsite everything, including my age (30), they let me stay here, in their rather nice house. I receive SSI, which goes to my father. Medicaid covers my rather expensive prescriptions (the Abilify is the really, really expensive ones...the other 2 are generic) and my treatment.
I get to do online college. I transferred in about 70 credits from way back when. I'm doing well.
My ex-mental health "professionals" despise me. There have been HIPPAA violations. Apparently, I was/am too "uppity" (its the South, y'alL!). My current treatment providers are supportive and seem to care, to a point.
My diagnosis is officially Bipolar I w/psychotic features. The townies have voted me "Schizophrenic," apparently because of "poor life choices."
I get to do Orthomolecular. If nothing else, it keeps me calm(er) and reduces AAP side effects (I'm prone to twitches and dysphoria).
I dream again. Age 20, after round 1 of involuntary ECT, I went for years without dreaming. I think I can remember 2 nights, over about 2.5 years, when the dark void was enlivened by dreams. Most nights, I simply wasn't conscious, consumed by darkness.
I have bright eyes. Actually, weirdly enough, my eyes are brighter than pre-psychiatric treatment. I hear that they sometimes "sparkle." Progress. Divine favor.
I can (and have to) think of a future in which I'm more autonomous, possibly fully autonomous, maybe by age 35, and perhaps not around here. Dreams and daydreams and hopes and wishes...
...all were absent before my recovery began. At best, I had fragments, shattered pieces of an old self, old hopes, old dreams. I'm a completely different person now. Older, wiser, more joyful yet also largely disillusioned.
My recovery is partly just that, recovery, and largely something else entirely...transformation may well be the best word.
poster:Christ_empowered
thread:1075605
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141123/msgs/1075605.html