Posted by baseball55 on December 30, 2014, at 19:49:17
In reply to Re: No message ***trigger***?, posted by alexandra_k on December 30, 2014, at 5:22:09
> hey, angela. i sometimes feel the same way... with not having achieved what i wished i'd had by this time. i find it hard seeing people who used to be peers... take a big jump into professional careers... whereas i kind of aborted... and don't have prospects of one...
>
> then seeing people around me... placed to launch themselves... and now i'm... perhaps... cynical and jaded... seeing nepotism and rich getting richer and... odds stacked against 'people like me' under most descriptions...
> feeling... out of place... and odd... and who knows what is in my future... and young'uns who think they are better than me because of... typical (male especially) teenage ego...
>
> and, uh, ugh, uh, whatever...
>
> the world is a wacky place, for sure.But all this comparing is so exhausting and depressing and unhelpful. Okay. So you didn't do what he did and you didn't do what she did and you didn't do what you thought you would be doing by now or what you thought other people thought you should be doing be now. Okay. So what?
Where does this get you, really? Just deeper into a hole. You have the present moment in which to make decisions that will propel you forward. Not necessarily toward the goal you told yourself you would complete. But you can take baby steps toward small goals. Today I will go for a walk. Today, I will register for a class. Today I will call an acquaintance to have coffee or go for a walk. Little by little, the successes accrue. You take bigger steps. Try for more things.
Maybe you will never achieve the things you think others have achieved or that you think others think you should have achieved. But you will have achieved what you can achieve at this point in your life.
I went through this period of depression and shame about failing to achieve what I thought others had. I worried that people I had known would be contemptuous of me and see me as a failure. Then it occurred to me that I hadn't seen or spoken to these people in years. They occupied space in my head, but I occupied no space in theirs. It was very liberating to realize this. I could accomplish things on my own terms, without these people in my head criticizing me constantly.
poster:baseball55
thread:1074528
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141123/msgs/1074614.html