Posted by alexandra_k on November 19, 2014, at 15:39:16
In reply to Re: balance, posted by alexandra_k on November 19, 2014, at 2:56:00
sigh. this is eating at me...
i suspect...
i'm learning that people 'play it cool'.
on the one hand you get the kids from the good schools who are all 'omfg that is SO EASY i could do that when i was 7' and so on... and of course then you get kids rolling their eyes at them / hating on them and certain other kids (who went to those same schools) realise that that isn't winning them any favors...
so they 'play it cool'. they are all, like, 'no, i didn't know how to do that before, i just worked that out now' and sometimes they get themselves 'omg you are so smart!' by doing things that way...
one thing people do is be all like 'oh no, i'm not even worried about that' (studying frantically behind the scenes). you don't want people to know you plan on working your *ss off... because then they might work their *ss off... and then they might be a serious competitor... so much better if you can somehow convince them to slack off... so you might work harder than them and win.
i wonder if some of that is coming through... so people worked harder for that exam than i gave them credit for...
my lab partners this year... were lovely people. i mean, really lovely. but really really really rather... not hardworking. i mean, really. though... i am learning... everyone basically gets around 3/4 of the available marks for labs and with each lab being only worth about 5% rounding makes individual differences in marks... come out in the wash. so, uh, why bother doing your pre-reading... why not just blink your big eyes and follow the herd. save your energy for individual study later. unless the first test is done in which case... cruise along that class for the rest of the semester...
i think this has illustrated to me... that i need to find some good friends next year. people who i can (eventually anyway) relax and be honest around. next year is going to be weird with people saying things and doing other things... and... well... everyone is going to be freaking out in their own special way. perhaps there isn't any such thing as good friends. perhaps it is more about temporary alliances.
i really don't get what happened with this class... i mean... i get why i did badly on the first test. I didn't have the textbook and i didn't really study for it. but i worked through the past years couple of exams (which i didn't think many people would do) and it was largely copy-paste.
one thing... i mean... i've done the whole railing that they just threw them down the stairs etc... but one thing might be that my drawings suck. it could be... i mean... they don't give us the diagrams they expect us to reproduce. so it is unclear what they want / what level of detail they want. i did get in trouble with labs sometimes for being too detailed mostly... maybe it is an extension of that. i don't know.
a bit nervous now... but there is nothing i can do. i am glad animal biology is over. i didn't much like it. i suppose it is mostly about that.
but then there were parts that i did like... subject matter, anyway... but they managed to put me off them... by not giving us a clear manageable chunk of content. like... there was one diagram that went up... and it was pretty complicated with detail we didn't need to know... and someone had last years exam and was like 'how would you answer this question' and... the lecturer wouldn't draw us a simple, clear example in class. then that was the one in the exam. so... they fish for answers and see what people throw up instead of testing us on whether we have learned the information they have presented to us?
i don't understand why you would want a first test (3 or 4 weeks into the semester) to decide class placings / grades for the entire class. unless... you are deciding to distribute class placings / grades on the basis of what school people went to.
i have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach... that the latter is it. that something like that is going on. that the kids from certain schools have been purposely given exposures through their school years to maximise their chances on that first test... and so... first test takes all. quickly. before you give the other kids the opportunity to catch up.
i mean, if you can't buy your kids way into this and that... well, then, what's the point in having money? why would you bother to work at all if you didn't get stuff like that for your working?
because everybody knows that the best most worthwhile work the most genuine work that profits society only happens because the people behind it get paid megabucks to do it. i mean... everybody knows that intrinsic motivation is... well... laughable, really. if you want a generation of doctors to be whining and bitching and moaning about how little they get paid... make sure you select the kids whose parents money gave them a place. for sure.
epidemiology is the same. first test decides the distribution because everyone does well at everything after that... is it that hard to come up with multiple assessments where each is graded according to a distribution? i really don't see... anyway... it largely is stats. simple stats... but stats. simple calculations. simple divisions and multiplications. with a bunch of zeroes. and some time pressure. and some stuff on reading graphs and the like...
they told me it wasn't stats. past years tests tell me different.
no good will come of my thinking like this. i do feel bitter about my grade. bitter is never good. i simply don't understand how my exam performance didn't bump me up the class placings (get me a better grade). i understood it wouldn't be heaps... but surely more than 1/4 of the class did not go through past years exams... and so i simply don't understand how my exam performance didn't get me a B+, at least.
I need to wait a couple months before i can apply for the exam script. i guess at that point i can see if someone can explain it to me. because... i really do want to understand... if i can... if there is something i can do that i'm not doing... anyway... whatever...
there is nothing i can do about it now...
except not to get lured into the distraction that is (dis)orientation week over the first few weeks of the semester. and to draw everything simply. i think that is it. i am going to go with that. draw everything simply. i'm done with lists. diagrams and label.
sniff.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141012/msgs/1073602.html