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I don't feel very well.

Posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2014, at 19:19:14

I got my period. Well... A few days ago. So now it is nearly finished. But that's not the point. And I saw a cockroach this morning. It is underneath my cutlery tray. I don't have any bug spray and I don't have any money to get some until tomorrow. I can't really figure what to squash it with... Because you have to squash them pretty hard... And you aren't supposed to squash them anyway because it might be a female one and the eggs might still hatch. So I guess it will just have to stay there until tomorrow. I'll get some spray... And a bait trap or two, I guess.

They climb around through the water pipes. I don't think the nest is in my room. I suppose it could be behind the fridge... That is the only place it could be, really. Maybe there is a nest behind my fridge... Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I saw one last week... By the sink... So I think they are climbing out from the water pipes... Maybe I'll leave the plug in the sink at night...

I went off a bit that they don't bomb the place twice a year or whatever. They said there wasn't much of anything they could do. Unless the nest is in my room or whatever, of course. I'm not too freaked out by them... Got them quite a lot in my place in hamilton... Big freaky ones that lived in the conifer trees outside mostly... They would climb in the windows and run around on the wooden ceiling beams and drop in my hair when I was vacuuming... But these are little German ones... Or something... And I bet these ones live in peoples rubbish bins. Or peoples toaster crumb trays. Or both.

I'm fighting off being sick. I bet I'm allergic to cockroaches. I bet that is it.

Been feeling moody...

Math is getting harder. And I feel pretty annoyed / frustrated that it is so hard already.

Because... It is embarrassing to me that I'm only into year 5. I mean... I haven't even finished primary school...

And I'm feeling fragile about my thesis... And philosophy more generally... Emails are coming out... People are... Starting to advertise for PhD applicants to work on various projects the way that they advertise for post-docs to work on various projects. That is of course the way science has done it for ages. I just got to be in an unfortunate part of the transition where... Nobody made those expectations clear to me. Or... Where I wasn't really competent to pick up on anybodies project, really. Or... whatever. whatever. I don't know. I'm tired of looking at the whole 'why i bombed out' thing. Seeing the things that people get through... Knowing... everybody saying... It really is not supposed to be that hard. Really. It isn't. Me... getting less than PhD student scholarships, even. what the f*ck happened with me? whatever... whatever... nothing to be done now.

and tomorrow i've got that sh*tty test that i won't even really be able to do anything of. and... well... who knows what will become of me.

worst case: they take my money, give me B-'s and... spit me out the other end in 3 years.

i don't feel very well.

 

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poster:alexandra_k thread:1059213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140102/msgs/1059213.html