Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 21, 2011, at 0:49:18
this poster was under the name "notfred" but this was very helpful to me because it states what I need to do to move out. I'm not in a sitautin where there is abuse. No. It's quite plesant here. I just want to move out... so here it is
When I was working on separating from my parents when I was 19 my therapist was a BIG help with this. Instead of a big showdown and drama I just started to do it, taking little steps. The end goal was to move out but it took a while to get that set up & find the right roommates. I did not throw anything in their face; I just kept on saying that I was a man now and wanted my own space and my own social life. Here are some things that helped me:
1) I got a PO box at the uni and had my mail forwarded from my parents address.
2) I got a locker at the uni and kept whatever personal stuff I wanted to keep private there.
It had a combination lock so there was no key to loose or to indicate I had it. It was registered in my name only.
3) I eased into moving out by staying over with friends on the weekend. First just Friday night,
the Fri-Sat. Then Fri through Sunday. I made a deal where I would pay for one meal a day and provide some entertainment. Buy a pizza and rent a movie. I had a car and my friends often did not so I took them places. People loved having me over;
dinner and a movie plus free rides. My peers understood what I was trying to do, separate from my parents, and were willing to help and were very supportive. They were going through the same thing I was. When people went out of town I stayed at their dorm room or place, "house sitting". I would tidy up the place as payment. Young men's kitchens
are often scary, so I tackled that. Boy that made me popular.If I had some money I would go see a movie. Usually I could get away with seeing several movies on one ticket. Once one finished I would move to the next screening room. That way I did not wear out my welcome with friends who were often busy on week days. Or just go to the mall
and hang out. Take day trips; get out the map and pick a place a hour or so away and drive to it.To this day I still do this one, stay in a hotel.
Scout around and you can find one that is not too race track, has free cable and movies plus Internet. Even today I do this when I want to be alone or my roommate is driving me crazy. $59, which includes a breakfast, cable, movies, a pool, and internet. Ask for an early checking and late check out so you can check in the morning and the next day stay till 2. As I always eat out, the free breakfast (I usually pay $10) plus free movies (if I rented $15-20) means the hotel costs my almost nothing, $29 bucks. If I am just going to chill a salad (Mac D's, $1) and some food bars ($5) are all I need to eat, if I am on a budget.At one point in my life I had a roommate who was stealing my Dex. So I kept it in my pocket all the time. I found some sleeping shorts with pockets so I could keep my dex safe while I slept. I put cotton in the bottle so I would not rattle when I walked.
Ask your doc to start a new chart with no mention of your mom or her address. Use another person as the emergency contact. All bills will go to your PO box, use a friends address as your home/emergency address. You might just want to forward that to the PO Box. There are some cheap cell phones that only offer in town service, get one. I used to sit in my car at home to make personal calls or drive a few blocks away to make calls. Bring a radio into the bathroom, crank up the shower and put a towel under the door if you need to make a private call. Put a lock code on the cell, which you have to enter use the phone.
For me, after staying over at friends houses I found one that I felt the situation was good and they needed another roommate, so I moved in. It even came with a bed, dresser, and study desk
Matt, separating from my parents was a significant
process for me. It took time. Instead of saying "I hate you and am getting out of here" I reminded them that I loved them but I was an adult and was starting to want to do my own stuff and have my own place. I did not start day one with " I am moving out" but gradually built up to it. This allowed me to build my own support systems while showing my parents I was ready and able to start my life apart from them.---------------------------------
I would love if someone could just add on to this. I need instructions on how to move out because its too much for me to handle and I need someone to help me.
Thats all.
regards,Matt
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:994429
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20110722/msgs/994429.html