Posted by larryhoover on June 18, 2011, at 19:22:18
In reply to Self-stigma, leaving disability rolls...SLS?, posted by zonked on June 5, 2011, at 17:19:00
> Thanks again to the board for being my surrogate therapist.. with the type of insurance I have and on my income, it has proven challenging to find someone to work with me. I don't blame most therapists for not taking Medicare/Medicaid, as I understand reimbursement rates are very low compared to private insurers or people who can afford to pay out of pocket.
Zonker, I have had this post/thread bouncing around in my head/heart since it was posted. I'm sorry I come to it slowly, but it has brought up some very touching concerns.
First and foremost is my heartbroken awareness of how the richest country on Earth cannot/will not provide health care to each person, indiscriminately of anything but need. The idea that your insurance status might have any bearing on the quality of your treatment/support is beyond my ken.
> Is it wrong of me to want to see someone with experience, rather than an intern at a sliding scale clinic?
It is not wrong to begin with an intern, as reasonable medical support should benefit the typical patient. But not every patient will respond to basic treatment, and at that point, a specialist should be supervising your care.
> SLS, I tagged you specifically because you've struggled a lot longer than I have and seem to be on the mend, but this applies to everyone else too...
>
> I have a huge guilt/shame complex around being on federal disability for depression. I guess what I'm about to say may sound controversial, but I am going to say it anyway: when I am around those sicker than I am, such as in the lobby of my doctor's office, I instantly lump myself in with the group and think .. "I'm one of THEM. DISABLED. An invalid, I'll never work again." I think about days when the world only held promise for me, and wish I could feel that way again...instead, I feel like I'm damaged goods and it's just too late.
>
> It's been so long since I've worked, I am afraid to even try...Who would hire me?
>
> Has anyone been able to successfully get off the disability rolls?Yes.
I have been on provincial/federal disability supports from 1995 until this year. Technically, I required evidence of income to leave disability status, insofar as it represents financial support, and I met the test for independence this last tax year. I am told I have permanent elegibility for future supports, but that is a safety net for me, should I require it down the road.
> What did it take? Do you know of anyone who's done this successfully?
It took me learning to take measure of myself. One of the biggest challenges I faced was my own memory of who I once was, what I once was able to do. Those memories are no longer relevant, and serve no purpose. What matters is what I am able to do today. And, how I might apply that ability, to advance my relationships with those around me.
> Perhaps this isn't the best place to ask -- as a doctor once told me, folks in remission or asymptomatic (myself included, I confess) don't tend to frequent online support forums...
I left here a few years ago because I got worse, not better. I was unable to communicate, whether by text or voice. I was "locked in", unable to express my distress, or to seek aid. I was overwhelmed by physical pain (CRPS), which certainly didn't help, in respect of my chronic depressive state. But, what I learned in management of my pain (mindfulness meditation, especially), was also applicable to depression. I simply never lost hope. I refused to give up hope. And the teachers I needed came to me, and I learned what I needed to learn.
> I just hope I can do it. I can't imagine a lifetime of this--not acceptable.So, stop imagining a lifetime of it.
I am med free for six years, apart from what I need for sleep. I learned that sleep is my most critical variable. Unless I have restorative sleep, all the rest cannot follow.
> Sorry to sound negative. :-/
>
> -zI know that, since you wrote this message, you have begun a new med therapy. Has your worldview changed? If so, I ask you this.....why did you not have that worldview all along?
Lar
poster:larryhoover
thread:987235
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20110617/msgs/988719.html