Posted by Techno'n'PillBottles on May 7, 2010, at 6:20:20
In reply to Re: Relationships, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on May 4, 2010, at 0:55:54
Hey RJ,
I liked reading your post, I wanted to post something similar, so this might be a little too much information.
many people have suggested the possibility of me having aspergers, and I haven't got tested or anything yet, but there are alot of things that fit.
relationships are always hard for me too because of my peculiar mental state. I always get girls who are strangely fascinated by me, but can't sustain any of it because I'm too outside the box and it's probly scary. also, I sleep during the day and so many girls are morning people. the girls I have dated for long periods of time are always more damaged than me, I think its cuz they don't get scared by my eccentricities, and I can actually be very supportive for someone like them, but they screw me over, mess with my head, and I always give the support and never receive.
I too have been through 12 step substance abuse stuff. In rehab I did lots and lots of group therapy, and it was a very positive outlet for me.
It sounds like you and I have similar social problems, so here are some things that I have found to work for relationships (friends, not girlfriends necessarily.) I have very good friendships with people who have similar issues, and who want to improve themselves and who can talk about deep stuff openly. 12 step spots are good for meeting people like that, so is group therapy. I would recommend the group therapy for that because the conversations and commonalities won't be so much limited to substance abuse, and you can usually talk much more about different aspects of your life. for my aspergery stuff the helping and being helped part of it is fantastic because talking about issues can be a very mental annalytical process, which comes naturally to me, but it also helps me learn how to connect to other people emotionally. hanging out with people very similar to you will always be great, but try to diversify too. the friends that I have are people who love me for my eccentricities and don't want me to be anything different. they get a kick out of hanging out with someone different and I get to feel like I fit in with the regular folks. it takes a long time to find people like that, but once you do it's great. never try to be anything but yourself with people, especially when trying to foster a lasting relationship. the mask always comes off eventually and the relationship will feel hollow. I always try to find friends who like hanging out one on one or in very small groups, doing low key stuff. big groups, parties, bars, etc. are hard for me to deal with because there are too many things to process and interpret, because I have to do so much of it mentally instead of just going with the flow and feeling it out. and being shy in those environments leaves me playing wallflower a lot.
I always thought that this type of thing with a like minded girl might be the perfect answer for me, but I keep having this issue: we become great friends, we connect very deeply, we "get each other", but she wants to be with a guy who makes her feel a false sense of normality instead of helping her to accept and love the fantastic weird things about herself. It is so hard to find a girl who really wants something genuine and lasting instead of a guy she can use like a medication who doesn't really care about her for who she is. then guess whos shoulder gets cried on afterwards. that's painful, but at least it's a connection with some substance, so I try to accept it for what it is and enjoy it.
I hope you find what you're looking for, and if something works for you please share it with me, I could really use the help too.
atypical bipolar. delayed sleep phase syndrome.
current meds: welbutrin sr 100mg, seroquel xr 150mg at night. trazodone 50/100mg (just started)
poster:Techno'n'PillBottles
thread:946199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20100417/msgs/946627.html