Posted by Kath on July 16, 2009, at 10:36:39
In reply to Re: great post Dinah » Dinah » olivepit, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 14, 2009, at 10:35:11
Hi Jay - just got around to reading this thread now!!
I like the photo. I am not a show-your-teeth-smiler! You say you have a new photo. Interested in showing it to us?
I will repeat (because I care enough about you to have you ticked off at me!!) my usual thing....
If you put yourself into situations where you are really meeting & interacting with IRL women, especially doing something/learning about something (etc) that you enjoy (& they obviously enjoy it also, or they wouldn't be there) no photos will be necessary to try to capture the essence of YOU. Women will see YOU....the real you, with the sparkle of enjoyment in your eyes - they'll pick up on all that stuff that only comes through being with a person IRL. They'll pick up on your gentle, kind, fun, sensitive qualities. There are probably lots of other qualities that you have that I don't know about, because I haven't been around you in person.
My daughter was married before. Unfortunately her WONDERFUL husband passed away. I want to tell you that he weighed way over 350 pounds. He blew me away.....I could totally understand how she fell for him. And so did others! He was a DJ & had various 'Cougars' VERY interested in him. If I compare a photo of his face to the IRL person, there's just no comparison at all! He was just great & could say something & you wouldn't know he was joking & then this very little gleam would appear & the smallest of smiles, slowly growing bigger & you'd realize it was something REALLY funny he'd said & end up laughing like heck. Or if you were telling him something, you'd have his total attention & interest glowing from him. THOSE type of things only happen IRL / in person.
It's one thing to see a photo (even a great photo) & read about a person. It's totally another to belong to the same club; play the same sport; be learning at the same course etc & be able to actually get to know the person. People sometimes just end up 'clicking' - being drawn to each other - even not necessarily romantically initially.
I know you didn't ask for this. You asked for our opinion about your photo. I find it so frustrating to hear about online dating sites because I think you are limiting your chances to get what you want. Maybe you are also pursuing IRL avenues of meeting women. If so, I'd love to hear about how that goes. JAYYYYYYY - remember the time in the Chapters store a long time ago that you told us about???? See - she was interested in talking with you.
Oh, Oh, Oh - I really want to be pushy with you!!! Puleeeeez consider putting yourself out there IRL. IMO you're not being fair to yourself or to others if you limit yourself to online attempts to meet women. If you feel a real aversion to this thought, maybe some counselling or therapy might help you.
How scarey can it be though? To join some groups you might enjoy? You'd be meeting people IRL...granted, the first night there might be a bit uncomfortable, but I would think meeting someone from an online dating group the first time would be pretty intimidating.
I've mentioned this before & I'd really like to know what you think of it, if you feel comfortable telling me. Sorry to pester. If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't bother.
xoxo Kath
poster:Kath
thread:906243
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090714/msgs/907048.html