Posted by karen_kay on July 22, 2007, at 20:27:13
now obviously, i'm under a whole lot of stress. i'm always under a whole lot of stress. i'm kk and i'm dramatic, damn it (and i hope i have the automatic *****thingie on, or i'll be in the basement for a while. cross your fingers. or don't.)!!!
one day, it could have been yesterday for all i know, it could have been last month, i can't be expected to keep up with such things as dates, especially when i've taken a BUMP to the HEAD, i was chasing my niece. i was going to 'git' her. i can't remember if it was a good reason, or if it was a bad reason, but she was in her closet and the closet was obviously designed for people of very small stature (like dogs). i took off running (i remember her laughing at me, she must have seen it coming), and i remember the closet door opening hitting me right in the head, knocking me backwards on the floor. i remember sobbing. (i think part of that was for dramamtic effect, granted she is only 5 but still, it hurt like the dickens!!!! you take off running and get hit square in the forehead! i'm serious, it hurts! i guess it's ok to laugh, but it really does hurt and she felt kinda bad so the sobbign part served its purpose as well.)
then, i went to pump gas and foudn i wasn't near close enough to the pump (at least i remembered what side the pump was on). i left the door open on my car, squealed tires and all in reverse, and slammed the *&%*$*^&*%($%))%*%^ car door right into my leg. i would have sobbed, had i had an audience. instead i cried on the inside (someone said that and i thank him), and have complained about how bad ti hurts ever since. i can't remember what day that happened either. could have been yesterday or even last week.
then, YESTERDAY (yes, i remember what day this happened) i went to plug my ipod in to the outside extension cord and stuck my finger in the holes instead. it shocked the sh*t out of me. i think i'm still shaking like the original simpson's characters.
somehow, i'm unintentionally trying to hurt myself. i had a much needed pdoc apt friday (i think?). i missed the first appointment. called and canceled it. they rescheduled it for later that day. i'm feeling depressed adn went in and said 'HEY! I FEEL FANTASTIC! WHY NOT GO AHEAD AND LOWER MY KLONOPIN?" and she did.
i'm one superfantastic liar.
and now for the triggers. a friend i used to 'hang' with in high school's father passed away. i was supposed to call him, but i forgot and haven't really felt like it jsut yet. but feel horribly guilty about it.
i'm a horrible mother. he's teething and i haven't a clue what to do with him. mr kk is fantastic with him. they seem to get on great with eachother and i often think they'd be better off without the burden of such a strange woman in the picture. a stranger, who secondguesses everything in regards to parenting. he starts to walk and i walk backwards in front of him with my arms outstretched, just so i can be sure to catch him if he falls. (he's been walkign for a minute, at least. i can't tell you how long exactly, just proving my point about not being a great mother and my horrible memory.)
i'm taking long naps now, with the help of klonopin when mr kk's here. shhh, that one's a secret.
i'm flipping out on my sister and then explaining 'i'm sorry. i'm crazy, just like our mother.'
and today, when mr kk was giving duckie a bath he said something that really made my belly hurt. 'it's twue' that's what he said.
sometimes i think about jsut running away. sometimes i think if i could just spell 'just' correctly, everything would be ok ;)
and i wish i didn't think so much. or listen to music and actually think that the musicians were talkign to me. i thought for a while that maybe, perhaps ryan adams was singing to me. yeah, i'm that looney.
BUTT!!!!!!! there is a bright side......that little jolt of electricity may have given me super human powers. i haven't tried dancing yet. i may be able to dance like michael jackson.
and i sure am gorgeous.
and i cna watch robot chicken and laugh for hours.
and we're trying rapidly to get out of our lease, so no more kids.. just one cute duckie.
and i can always call my doctor, if need be.
and my duckie loves to stare at himself in the mirror jsut as much as i do. and he sure is a gorgeous little duckie. maybe even moreso than i. (i just don't want to ruin him, and his dad does such a great job. do i sound depressed ro what?)
did i mention how very adorable i am? that can keep me going for weeks and weeks, if need be...
thanks for listening and feel free to congratulate me for finally typing 'just' correctly,head injury kk (who's feeling kinda weird, but can still stare in the mirror for hours)
poster:karen_kay
thread:771219
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070707/msgs/771219.html